On the Edge
by Quille
Summary: Story based on the small scene in the episode 7x20 when Jo was convincing suspect Charles Martin to get off the roof as he threatened to commit suicide. This seemingly insignificant situation will eventually have big consequences, changing both, Mac's and Jo's lives. Jo/Mac pairing, a lot of fluff, some smut and angst, a little drama
1. Intro

**A/N My first JAC story, so it is very likely it will be imperfect in many ways. It's rated T as I have no idea where it will take me, it could be some smutty place as well ;) As English isn't my native language please excuse me all the language mistakes I've made.**

**Disclaimer: _CSI New York_ and its characters are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer and _CBS_. No infringement is intended, just pure fun.**

...

''I'm so glad to hear that you're having a blast, honey.'' Jo said talking on the phone.

''…''

''Oh, just a tiny little bit. Well OK, maybe a little more.'' She smiled while getting off the elevator.

''…''

''Yeah, I know that! OK, when you will be back next week...''

''Jo, into my office.'' Mac's voice broke into her conversation. She frowned her eyebrows – his tone was unusually harsh. _Something has happened. _She thought.

''Now!'' He added even more sternly and disappeared. _Yup, definitely s__omething__ has happened._

''... sweetie, I have to run now. Love ya!'' She ended up talking to Ellie and followed Mac. While entering his office she noticed that blinds were down. That was not portending anything good.

''What's up?'' She asked.

''Close the door.'' He muttered without even looking at her. She did as he asked and turned around to face him again.

''So...?''

''What the hell were you thinking?'' He growled. Jo's eyes winded. _He __is__ angry at __me?__ But why?_ She made quick examination of conscience and came up with nothing.

''And what are you referring to?'' She asked trying to smile, although she knew that it wouldn't make it any better.

''To your careless behaviour previous today.'' He said very slowly. He hadn't looked at her even once till she entered his office. His stare fixed on his desk.

''Well... I droved red light in the morning, but to be honest it wasn't that bad as street was almost empty.'' She joked but was immediately brought down to earth by his voice.

''Jo! Do I look amused to you?'' He looked at her and she realized how serious he was. His eyes were almost navy blue with anger. She felt a little intimidated by his gaze, like a schoolgirl getting scold. ''I asked what the hell were you thinking. Because it seems to me like you weren't thinking at all.''

''OK.'' She put the serious attitude as well. ''I suppose you are talking about the incident on the roof. No idea how you did actually found out about it, but...''

''From Flack. I was on the phone with him all the time.'' Mac interrupted her.

''...but it was nothing, really.'' She finished not bothered by his words.

''I have a different opinion. You probably think it was courageous, but it was just reckless...''

''It was my call.'' Now Jo entered his words. ''I was sure he would not jump and I was right.''

''Really? You are able to read minds or what?'' He said ironically and that made her angry. ''You couldn't be sure about it, Jo. You could compromise the whole case...''

She was trying to argue, but he rose his voice even more, intimidating her further.

''… but what's even more relevant, you put your life in danger and I can't tolerate such behaviour. I supervise your work and I am responsible for you and the whole team.''

''Wait a minute.'' She finally cut in. ''It seems like you have some wrong image of what happened there. I wasn't in any danger.''

''You were standing on the roof's edge. On the twenty-stories building, for God's sake!'' He snapped and she frowned her eyebrows. _What the hell? He never acts like that._

''I was holding to... to... some steel thing.'' She started to lose her cooling.

''Yeah, that changes everything.'' He mocked.

''Well it obviously seems so, as I am not lying on the pavement right now.'' She said in the same manner as he did.

''It's not funny, Jo!'' He yelled and she rolled her eyes.

''I'm so done here.'' She said and turned around, heading for the door. She was surprised by what happened next. He rose from his desk and in a flash he appeared in front of her, blocking the exit.

''I am not.'' He said firmly making her back a little. ''I said I will not tolerate such behaviour from anyone in my team. Is that clear to you?'' She looked at him. Her stare was so intense that if look could kill he would be dead by now.

''Let me pass, Mac.'' She said quietly, closing the gap between them. She thought he would move to the side, but he remained still.

''Not until you promise me you will never do such thing again.'' His tone was more gentle now, but she didn't notice that. Her heart started to pound violently and her own blood was roaring in her ears.

''And exactly how you imagine that possible? I'm not some kind of bimbo who is here as a decoration. I'm doing my job here, just like you are. And I don't have to explain to you that it is just getting dangerous sometimes. We can do nothing about it.''

''That's not my point and you know it.'' He said. ''All I am asking you is not risk your life when it's unnecessary.''

''But I wasn't!'' She cried in frustration. ''Gosh! You weren't even there and...''

''OK, I see we're getting nowhere with this.'' He interrupted her and she sighed with relief, hoping this ridiculous conversation will be over and he would let her go now. ''I am suspending you for as long as it will take you to understand that what you did was wrong.'' Her jaw dropped at his words. ''At least for five days.'' He finished.

''Well, good you added that.'' She panted in shock. ''Otherwise you wouldn't have a chance to see me here anymore.''  
Then she pushed him aside and opened the door with such force they swung and hit the wall making loud noise.

''Jo!'' He shouted after her.

''You know what? Screw you!'' She shouted back without even turning. She didn't bother to wait for the elevator. Instead she headed for the stairs. Mac followed her with his gaze and sighed. He could predict it will end like that. Then he looked around and saw that there wasn't a single person who wouldn't be looking in his direction. _Great. Just great._ He thought.

...


	2. Breaking down

_...  
_

_Enough is enough. _Mac thought as he turned off lights in his office. While in the hall, he glanced at the door to another office. It was closed and the office was dark. Of course, Lindsay had left two hours ago, saying goodbye and not mentioning he should leave as well, although he knew she wanted to. And the other person who could possibly be present in this certain office was absent for a third day in a row now. _Idiot. _Mac thought about himself. She wasn't here because he made it that way and yet he was glancing if she was as usual. He headed to the parking lot. He was thinking about recent case, because he couldn't think about anything else. Well, he didn't want to, to be precise. His daily habit for the past few months, when he wanted to make his mind take a break from the work and actually relax, was to think about Jo. What she was saying during the day and **how** she was saying it. What she was wearing. About what she was joking, how she was smiling… At the end of the day his mind was putting all those little images of her together and then playing this slide show over and over again in his head until he finally fell into a shallow sleep. If he was able to dream during such slumber he was sure he would be dreaming about her.

But today there was no use. Even single thought about her was making him furious. With every single hour without her in the lab he was getting more and more aware of that suspending her was the perfect way to punish not her, but himself. And the rest of the team at the same time as it was difficult for them to bear with him those few days. He was snapping without any reason and yelled at everyone at least every hour. He saw how they were tiptoeing around him and counting days until Jo would be back. _Two more days to go now._ He thought.

Suddenly it occurred to him that he might be wrong. What if Jo actually wouldn't be coming back? She was pretty pissed off when she left after their argument and she hadn't spoken to him since then. He hadn't got single message from her and that probably meant she was still mad at him. In that case it wouldn't be that easy taking into account how stubborn and proud she was. Mac smirked at the thought but was quickly put back into gloomy mood as it struck him it probably wouldn't do without apologies. He shuddered at the thought as it was obvious that simple ''I'm sorry'' wouldn't satisfy her and it would be necessary for him to explain why he had reacted like that. _I'm totally fucked_. He thought, stopping at a red light and resting his head on the steering wheel.

...

Next morning he was determined to at least try to talk to Jo and apologize. It could make things between them better, as it was almost impossible to make them worse at that point. He was going to the lab on the afternoon shift, so it was the only chance for him to see her in the morning. Just about 10 am he parked in front of the block of flats where Jo lived and headed for her door. He rang the bell twice and waited. He fought the urge to actually run away and composed himself, repeating in his mind all things he wanted to tell her. The only problem was there was no one who would open the door for him. He pushed the bell again, longer this time and thought that maybe she was asleep. That wouldn't be good for him as she was all grumpy and moody when she was sleepy, as he had knew from few times when he had to call her to the case in the middle of the night. He chuckled at the thought, remembering how much fuss she was making because of that and how adorable she was in it. He sighed and left the door as it was obvious there was no one in. _Or no one who would open it for me._ He frowned at the thought, trying to figure out how he could possibly check which version was right. He sat on the stairs leading to next floor and waited.

After some time, maybe half an hour, he heard some footsteps. His heart jumped but was quickly calmed down by his mind. It was clearly sound of heels clicking against the marble floor, so it couldn't be Jo. He lifted his head, thinking of what he might say to this woman when she would ask him what he was doing here and he found Jo's hazel eyes staring directly at him. She was wearing navy blue dress with white belt on her waist and several different necklaces with seashell, anchor, rudder and little blue fish. Her shoulders were bare and had a nice gold glow. With her hair pulled into short ponytail she looked like she was on vacation at the seaside, not like in the middle of the city. With one hand she was holding a shopping bag which was gracefully based on her hip for support. She turned and opened the door to her apartment. He didn't move since he had seen her, mesmerized by the sight. Her voice brought him back to reality:

"You're gonna sit there whole day long or you gonna come in?" She said not looking at him. She left the door open for him and disappeared inside the apartment. He stood up and followed her. She was in the kitchen, unpacking groceries.

"Jo…" he started. "You look good."

She glanced at him and smirked.

"And you thought I would be looking miserable, mourning the lack of work?" She turned over to face him and before he was able to respond she added: "I've got life outside this damn lab, you know."

Her words hurt him like she was sticking a pin. It was obvious she was referring to him. But this "damn" made him think she was still angry at him and staying home was nothing but simple for her.

"I have no doubt about it." He stated coldly. "Jo, I want to apologize. I might overreacted and…"

"You **might** overreacted?" She raised her eyebrow and he sighed. _Yeah, she won't make it any easier for me._

"OK, I **did** overreacted. But you must understand why." He had her full attention now. She was standing at the other end of the kitchen, leaning on the counter. "I'm not only a boss for my team. I feel… responsible for everyone who is working for me. For you too."

"I'm a big girl, Mac." She smiled gently. "I'm capable of taking care of myself."

"That's not the point." He said, coming closer to her. "It's not like I think I know better, it's…"

"I think that's exactly what it is about." She interrupted. "And I'm kinda fed up with this. It's not the first time, you know?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, searching his memory to find any other moment when he could possibly give her the feeling that she was incompetent at what she did.

"I guess it is the guy thing. If you have the opportunity to show your power, you just do it. It was the same with Russ. He would like to have everything under his control. No matter if it was about which cereal I was going to eat for my breakfast or what my surname after the marriage should be. But now I'm over it and I decide for myself."

"No, no." He shocked her head. She shot him angry glare, thinking he was about to tell her how silly she was. "I mean, you get the whole idea wrong. I wasn't about to dictate you how you should do your job. I was just…" He sighed again. _Here comes the hardest part._ "…going mad at the thought something could happen to you."

Jo's features had soften at his statement, although she was still reading him in order to decide if he was telling the truth or he was just playing with her. But it was Mac, most honest guy she had ever met. She smiled slightly.

"Mac. Nothing could happen to me there."

"Well, maybe I had got the wrong image of that, but you could imagine how it sounded: Jo is standing on the edge of a roof, as close to the criminal as possible, trying to convince him not to commit suicide."

She chuckled.

"I don't know who is bigger croaker then, you or Flack. It wasn't that bad."

"It seemed like that to me. That's why I freaked out. I can't stand when someone I care for happens to get hurt. I guess I've just been there too many times already." He was trying to push those images away but there was no use. He saw the image of a plane crushes into the WTC towers, then Aiden's dead body found in a car, unconscious Stella lying on a floor of her own apartment, Danny bleeding all over a bar's floor… He closed his eyes, hoping he wouldn't see Jo lying motionless on a pavement in front of a high building, as he had seen it that day when they had the argument.

"Mac." Jo whisper closely to him, dragging him out of those horrible visions. He felt her hand on his cheek and opened his eyes. She was standing right in front of him. Her eyes were fixed on him as he looked directly in them. And suddenly everything was so peaceful and blissful again.

"I could not bear losing you, Jo." He moved his head, pressing his lips to her inner palm. "You're like beam of sunlight to me when everything around me is dark and gloomy."

She smiled and lowered his hand, much to his regret.

"OK, I promise to think twice, before I stand on a roof's edge again." She said, trying to be serious, but corners of her mouth raised softly.

"Good. Just imagine how you would feel if Ellie or Tyler would be doing that. That was exactly how I felt about you standing there." He joked as she turned away, starting a coffee maker.

"Well, it's kinda over the top, don't you think?" She laughed. "They are my kids and I love them with my whole heart so it is obvious I am a little bit overprotective with them." She continued, trying to figure out what to press next in order to make this delicious milk foam on a top of her latte. "But with you it's different. You are my boss, my co-worker, my good friend, but…" Somehow alarmed by his silence she turned to face him. His look shocked her. It was like looking in the eyes of the criminal caught in the act. Like she was holding a gun, pointed at him, and she had just pulled a trigger. His eyes were winded and there was fear in them like he was aware that there is no chance to escape, because bullet was going to hit his heart for a split second. She gasped as suddenly everything was clear to her. It was like the last piece of puzzle – she put it in and finally she saw the whole image. _She knows!_ He thought, being aware that his face expression betrayed him. Suddenly he felt so embarrassed. He knew what would happen next. She would put her hand on his cheek again and with a sad smile she would say: "Darlin', you've really thought that you and me…" He shuddered, pushing away her hand which wasn't even there. And then he did the only thing he could at that point. He turned on his heel and stormed out of her apartment, making her unable to stop him.

...

**A/N Thank you very much for all nice reviews. I hope that it wasn't very hard to read because of the language mistakes (which reminds me – if you see some, please don't hesitate to let me know – I'm still learning and in fact treat writing also like a language practising exercise, so I will be very grateful for pointing out my mistakes, not to mention the chance to correct them).**


	3. Only if for tonight

. . .

Jo turned in her bed for what seemed like thousandth time. She couldn't sleep! And it wasn't a good sign as she was able to sleep anywhere and any time, falling deeply immediately after laying her head. And yet she couldn't. She felt tired, but she wasn't able to shut her mind off. Herds of thoughts were racing through her head since morning and she tried almost everything to divert her attention from them, but there was no use.

She felt guilty about not reacting in any way. Although chasing him wasn't actually possible as she was unable to run in high heels and running barefoot after the man, even if it was Mac Tylor, just seemed too unreasonable, even for her. _Yeah, right. High heels is your excuse! You're pathetic, Danville!_ She mentally reprimand herself. It was hard for her to admit it, but the way Mac had behaved made her confused. His comment about him feeling the same way about her as she felt about her kids could be easily turned into a joke and yet he didn't do that. He could smile, even smirk and it would be obvious to her that he was trying to just emphasize his point. Instead of he had a look like a kid caught in the middle of eating cookies from the jar and he simply run away leaving her with all that mess.

She grabbed a pillow and tossed it across the room. The sheet beneath it was cold which brought her comfort for a few seconds. Then she thought about how he was doing at the moment. She guessed he didn't even try to sleep, more like pacing from wall to wall in his apartment. She smiled involuntary. _You got what you deserved. _

Then she felt helpless again. She didn't have the slightest idea how to clear it up. She got and went to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water. So it was clear he had some feelings for her. Yet he didn't want to admit it. Was he waiting for her to make a next move? But what could she possible tell him? She was certain she wasn't in love with Mac. Well, she liked him a lot, he was a nice man and it was great to have him as a coworker. She loved to spend time with him, feeling very comfortable in his company. She enjoyed laughing with him and even flirting every now and then. But was it enough to fall in love with a man? A very attractive one, she had to admit. She felt a flush going through her body at that thought. She was pretty sure she would enjoy a lot being physically close to him. But still, was it enough? She could imagine being with him – it would be so easy and right. But then, relationship with a boss? Not the best idea in the world. Of course it would be nice to have someone to relay on and not being all alone with daily problems. But putting herself in a relationship only because of that would be a pure reckoning if he really loved her.

_Oh crap, I think too much._ She went to her bedroom and grabbed her phone. It was 2 am, but she was sure Mac wasn't asleep. If she couldn't there was no chance he was able to. She dialed his number and waited. _Oh come on, pick up, chicken._ She thought.

"Leave the massage after a signal." Said familiar voice. Jo hanged up and dialed his number again.

"I'm giving you one more chance. You'd better pick up or I will come after ya." Jo said to herself.

"Leave the ma..." She hanged up again and tossed the phone on her bed.

"Oh right, I'm coming then."

She grabbed a jacket and put on first flats she managed to localize. She smirked at the idea it was a good choice in case he would run away again. She didn't know exactly what she was going to tell him, but she had a hope that it would work out anyway.

. . .

Mac could swear that with every minute walls of his apartment were getting closer and closer to each other. He felt like a lion in a cage, pacing through the room for some time now. He was aware that he had no more than two days to make things with Jo right, as by then she would be back in work. _Maybe I should suspend her for another week? _The thought, although it was tempting, was immediately pushed away by him. _How I will do that if I don't even have a courage to answer the phone... _He was getting torn. He knew he should tell her the truth about how he felt about her._ But if she doesn't feel the same way... if! Heh, you dumb-ass, there is no chance she is! Then it would be extremely awkward. _He stopped by the window and leaned against the sill, sighing deeply. Then some noise caught his attention. It sounded like a quiet knock at the door. But it was almost 3 am, it was impossible. He moved to the door and listened.

"I can hear ya." Jo said and his heart skipped a beat. But he did nothing. "Will you open or I have to wake up all neighbours first?" She asked a little louder. Mac opened the door and saw Jo standing in front of him. She was wearing pink cotton shorts, short white tank top with lace edging, denim jacket and green flats. She wasn't wearing any make up and her hair was waived and a little messy. She clearly looked like she jumped out of bed and hurried to his place.

"I know the night is warm, but standing in a draft isn't so great." She said.

"Sorry..." He mumbled and let her in, closing and locking door behind her.

"So, I guess we have to talk." She started. He said nothing, only sighed. "Oh, stop sighing there! I'm the one who can't sleep tonight and it's because of you."

"In other circumstance I could feel really proud because of such statement." He smirked.

"Funny." Her grimace looked nothing like a smile. "You made a mess and now I am the only one to clean it up?"

"OK. What can I say to you? I guess you already know everything." He shrugged his shoulder like he didn't care what her reaction would be, but inside his heart was beating like crazy.

"I want to hear it." She said gently as she didn't want to sound demanding. Mac took a deep breath and said:

"You're very important to me. I am very fond of you and really appreciate your presence..."

"Oh for God's sake, Mac, don't give me that crap."

"OK..." He hesitated. It was obvious she wanted to hear something specific. _Should I tell her the truth that I'm madly in love with her? That could scare her. But will she believe if I tell her it is not that strong? _He made a quick calculation and decided for telling less than too much. "I have a crush on you." He glanced at her, trying to figure out if this was an answer she was waiting for. But he wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. "A serious one." He added, trying to reach this perfect balance between telling the truth and telling what she wanted him to tell.

She released her breath. _I can handle a crash, even a serious one. _She thought.

"So that makes us two... Heaving a crush on each other." She said, approaching him. Mac couldn't believe what he had just heard. So at least she had some feelings for him as well. That was something he could hold on for now.

She stopped less than one step from him. Normally he would feel a little nervous because of her closeness, but suddenly it seemed so right. Her warm scent was making him dizzy an when she lowered her eyes, bashfully and teasingly at the same time, he couldn't take it any longer. He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer, slowly brushing his lips against hers, as he would like to check if she was real. It was Jo who got impatient first. She rested her hand on his neck and deepened the kiss. She sucked on his bottom lip and smiled when she heard him groan. Then suddenly he spooned them around and pined her slightly to the wall, resting his palms flat on the cold surface on both sides of her body, trapping her. She looked at him, clearly amused and he could see sparks dancing in her eyes. She put her palms on his chest and pressed a kiss to his jaw, moving her lips along it, towards his ear, nipping his tender skin and making him sighing in delight.

He moved his hands to her waist and his fingers toyed with the lace hem of her top, slowly sliding under and skimming over her skin. At the same time his lips were on her neck, tasting delicate flesh as he was intoxicating himself with her scent. He felt her pulse against his lips and she moaned his name loudly when he reached that spot. He moved higher and nipped at her earlobe. Then he returned to the spot he previously had found and next moan escaped from between her lips, making him sure he should keep it in mind. Her hands started to move frantically across his chest and somehow it made him slow down a little. He tore his lips from her skin and rested his forehead against hers.

"Jo..." Her eyes were slightly hazy when she looked at him. "I think we should stop. If we keep doing that I will lose control very soon." He whispered.

"So what?" She asked. He knew she trusted him. It didn't even cross her mind he could be rough and hurt her in anyway.

"It was a hectic day. And believe me or not, but I want to memorize every second with you..."

"Awww..." Was her only reaction, as she felt her heart swell.

"...not only that you burst into my place wearing barely nothing and pushed me to the wall, demanding confession." He said.

"It seems you are quite wrong about who is actually pushed to the wall here now." She breathed, brushing her whole body against his. He groaned and closed his eyes, trying to control his arousal.

"Oh, what are you doing to me, woman." He sighed.

"I'm doing my best." She whispered directly into his ear, her breath teasing his skin.

"I think we should take things slow." She nodded reluctantly. "I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and have second thoughts." He was hoping she would deny and tell him she would never regret making love to him, but she didn't say anything.

"May I at least stay or you are kicking me out straight away?" She was clearly amused.

"If only I had the guts to do it..." He sighed theatrically. "Then I would be sure you won't take any advantages of me." Mac said and she chuckled.

_. . ._

**A/N Firstly, thanks again for lovely reviews. It is really nice to know that you like what I wrote. **

**I hope you won't be very mad at the way it turn out. I wanted it to be not so easy, as in reality it never is. Jo might seem like a black character in some moments, but it won't be that bad, I won't let her to hurt our favourite guy ;)_  
_**


	4. Dog days are over

. . .

A single thought had cut into his sleep. It was like a first raindrop hitting a windowsill when rain is starting. _Jo._ Then there was more of these raindrops as his minds started to repeat the thought. _Jo. Jo. Jo._ Mac opened his eyes, totally awake in a second. It was still dark and quiet outside. He smiled as he looked at her, sleeping peacefully on the other side of his bed. He turned gingerly towards her, trying not to wake her up. She was lying in a strange position, partly curled, with her hands hugging a pillow. He started to study her sleeping form, trying not to grin like crazy. He was surprised by how tiny she looked, how little space she occupied in his bed. She was breathing quietly and he almost heard her steady heartbeat. Mac stretched his hand and touched her arm gently. Her skin was cool and he thought that maybe she was cold, so he pulled over her a blanket she was covered with, trying to keep her warm. He smiled at the though his favourite blanket from now would smell just like her, making it easier for him to sleep – technically alone, but with memory of her. Jo shifted a little in her sleep and with a sigh found more comfortable position, making the blanket slip from her shoulder. He smiled again, thinking that even when she was asleep she was still doing everything her way. A lace strap of her top slipped from her shoulder as well, revealing it to his eyes. He wondered what taste her skin would have at this point and what would she whisper if he pressed his lips to it and then kissed his way along her collarbone. Suddenly he felt his desire awaking and he started to want to get his hands on Jo's body and create a map of the places where she wanted them the most. He thought about his lips caressing every inch of her skin until her legs would wrap around him and her back arch, silently begging for more. He wondered if she would tighten her eyelids firmly or let him look into her eyes and admire how her pupils dilate when she would be losing herself. Would her fingers lace with his or maybe they would clench tight on the sheet or perhaps sink into his back, leaving stinging marks. Would she bite her lower lip to stay quiet or maybe he would have to catch her screams and lock them into a kiss, not allowing them to break into a dream of people sleeping behind the wall.

On the one hand, he wanted her to open her eyes and ask him to make love to her as he was imagining at the moment. On the other hand, the thought of her sleeping peacefully by his side was warming his heart. Her vulnerability was so moving. Her faith that she was secure when he was near her filled him with pride. She felt safe and comfortable, she wanted him to be close and it meant the world to him.

Almost like hearing his thoughts, Jo stirred a little and moved towards him. He placed his arm over her waist, absorbing her warmth and pulled her slightly closer. She snuggled to him, buried her head in the crook of his neck and sighed, her breath tickling his skin. Mac's last thought before he drifted to sleep was that it would be so much easier for him to sleep through every single night if he would have her in his arms.

. . .

It was already light outside when Mac woke up again. He glanced beside him and found Jo wasn't there. But she was still in his apartment, as he heard water running and some noise in the kitchen. Like a fork or spoon hitting a floor with a twang. Then he heard another kind of twang as Jo cursed quietly and he smiled. He caught a smell in the air. It was familiar, but yet at first he was unable to recognize it. Pancakes? He almost had forgotten how home made pancakes smell like. He got an idea of jumping out off a bed and saw her in action in the kitchen when he heard her steps behind bedroom's door. Jo opened them slightly, peeking inside and checking if he was already awaken. He glimpsed at her and closed his eyes. She was fully dressed. Well, if you consider her pyjama shorts and top as full outfit. He did his best not to smile at the thought, pretending to be still asleep. She was also wearing her shoes and her denim jacket and it made him curious what she was up to. She step closer, then hesitated a little. She studied his form for a few moments and then leaned over him and gently kissed the corner of his mouth. He thought he could get used to being woken up like that. But he instantly forgot this thought as she spooned and started to leave and he realized it wasn't actually her attempt of waking him up, it was her saying goodbye to him.

''Hey.'' He spoke and Jo turned to face him, surprised.

''Hey...'' She smiled. ''I'm sorry, did I wake you up?''

''No, you didn't.''

''Oh...'' He could swear her skin got some delicate pink flush as she understood what had just happened.

''You're leaving?'' He asked without beating around the bush.

''I was going to.'' She admitted.

''Why? You aren't hurrying for work, are you?'' He joked and she smiled.

''No, I'm not. Because of my boss I have two more days off.'' She joked back.

''Seem like a wonderful guy to me.'' Mac grinned.

''Not sure. Although this or he's a jerk.'' They looked at each other for a moment and then he spoke:

''OK, why are you running away?'' She was just going to deny, but she looked into his blue orbs and gave up. She sighed and said:

''I'm not quite sure what to do with all... this.''

''It's awkward, isn't it?''

''It totally is!'' He could hear relief in her voice when she realized he understood her.

''So... what we gonna do about it?'' He sat on his bed and reached his hand towards her. She approached, grabbed him by his hand and sat at the edge of the bed, next to him.

''I'm kinda scared it's all-or-nothing bet now.'' She admitted. ''I would like it to be like it used to be between us. But I guess it's not an option any more.''

''Because of what I said.'' He said with a hint of sadness in his voice. She caught it and shook her head:

''No, no. Not because of what you said. Because of how you feel. About me.'' She swallowed hard. ''And it isn't something that depends on you. You cannot control how you feel.''

He nodded slowly. She was talking only about his feelings. But where was she in all this?

''It is so complicated.'' She let go of his hand. ''I'm a single parent with two kids and with a burden of marriage that fall apart. You are my boss and from the professional point of view such relationship is completely wrong.''

He knew she was right. But for the first time in his life he was thinking that it didn't really matter. He had such position in NYPD that nobody would question his professionalism because of dating his second in command. And of course, there was still this concern about the rumour, but he wasn't that kind of guy who would be worrying about keeping up appearances. But he could understand that it might be a problem for Jo. He had to tell her something that could put all those worries aside, because if she would be keeping torment herself with them, she wouldn't even **try** to be with him.

''You're thinking too much, Jo.'' He smiled at her and put his hand over hers again. ''It's not like we're getting married or something. As I said last night, we can take it very slow, see if it's working or not. And if it will, we think about what to do next.''

''But... if it won't?'' She locked her gaze at their hands, not looking at him, too scared she hurt him with that question. ''There will be no coming back to what we had. And I don't want to lose your friendship.''

''But you won't.'' He assured her. ''We are grown ups, not teenagers. I am perfectly sure we can still be friends even if we fail at creating a relationship.''

She finally looked at him and smiled.

''OK.''

He pulled her closer and pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth, somehow mimicking what she had done earlier to him. He felt her lips curl into a smile. Then, as his lips traveled along her jaw and towards her neck, he felt her tightened her grip on his shoulder. He was just about getting to that spot he was fascinated by since last night, when his phone begun to ring.

''Damn it.'' He cursed between kisses and it was Jo who had to pulled apart, giving him scolding look. He sighed and picked up. ''Yeah?''

She stood up and he tried to catch her hand again, but she shook her head.

''I will make you some coffee.'' She whispered and left his bedroom.

He glimpsed over her bare legs and swaying hips, not paying as much attention to Don's statements about dead body found at the Penn Station as he should.

''I'll be there in less then half an hour.'' He said and hang up. He went to the kitchen and saw Jo standing on her toes, trying to reach a sugar bowl, that was placed on the highest shelf. Her jacket and top went up, revealing even more of her skin and her legs looked just delicious in that pose. He moved towards her, placed his hand on the small of her back and asked:

''Need some help with that?'' He grabbed the sugar bowl and handed it to her.

''Thanks. Why the heck is it so high anyway?''

''I don't sweeten.'' He shrugged his arms as she gave him his mug.

''But I do.'' She said and poured a full teaspoon of sugar into her coffee.

''So from now it will be here.'' He placed the sugar bowl on the middle shelf and turned to her. For a slight moment she had an odd expression on her face, like all kind of emotions mixed together. Then her gaze swiped his whole body and she smiled seeing him wearing long plaid pyjama pants and simple white t-shirt.

''What?'' He asked.

''I'm kinda disappointed.'' She took a sip of coffee and then added: ''I was pretty sure you wear a suit to sleep.'' She bite her thumb nail trying not to smile, although it was a very lame attempt.

''Very funny.'' He growled, but in fact he was amused – more by her sweet look than by her statement. ''I have to go to Penn Station. We have a dead body there. I thought maybe I can give you a ride to your place? It's the same direction.'' He offered.

''But you do realize that my car is parked in front of your apartment?''

''Yeah, I do. You can always come and pick it up later, right?''

She smiled when it became clear to her what he was doing. It was his way to make her come to his place once more.

''OK.'' She tossed a mug into a sink and asked: ''So get dressed and were going.''

He nodded and left the kitchen.

''I forgot to ask you one more thing.'' After a while his voice came from the bedroom.

''Yeah?''

''Ellie isn't worrying that you spent a night here?''

She chuckled. _**Now**__ he's thinking about her! Brilliant!_

''Nah. She's used to her mama being kidnapped by some men now and then.''

''Some men, huh?'' He showed up right behind her. She turned and gave him a smirk.

''She's at a camp in Virginia with her old friends. And she's having a blast. She probably doesn't even remember she has a mama.'' She smiled, imagining her daughter having so much fun. ''Still, she's better than Tyler. He has been travelling across Europe for four weeks now and so far I got only three massages from him.'' They went outside Mac's apartment and headed for an elevator. ''Two were about me paying off his credit card debts.'' She added and he laughed.

. . .

**A/N** **So, I don't really know if I'm happy with this chapter. I guess it's a little too much fluff in there, but it was so hard not to put it. And forgive me if the first scene made you feel sick with sweetness :D But I had no heart to delete it. And sorry I got rid of Ellie just like that :D But she will be back... eventually.  
**

** I guess, you have already figured out that the idea is to show that those three little words are not the end but just a beginning. And even if they start at different points, they can always meet halfway.**

**All reviews appreciated as always!  
**


	5. Strangeness and charm

. . .

Mac entered his apartment, throwing car keys on the table. He headed to the kitchen. It was extremely busy shift and he hadn't eaten all day. They got two new cases and without Jo it was hard to keep everything on time. He smiled involuntarily at the thought of her. He opened a fridge and his gaze fell on a plate of pancakes and he smiled even more. He grabbed one, putting aside the fact it was cold, and dug his teeth hungrily into it. He put the plate with the rest into microwave and thought about Jo once more. He hoped she would call him during the day and maybe step by to pick up her car. He knew she hadn't do that yet, as it was still parked on the street in front of his apartment. For the hundredth time today he wondered how it would be to make love to her if he hadn't stop them. He could only hope it wasn't his only chance to get to know it, as he was dreaming about it for so long now, maybe even from the very fist time he had seen her.

It was knocking at the door that pulled him out of his thoughts. When he opened the door he felt like it was some kind of magic – like he made a wish and _poof!_ she was standing at his door.

''How come you never have to use an intercom?'' Mac smiled at her.

''Your doorman always opens the door for me before I have a chance to push the button.'' She smiled back. ''I guess he has to looove me.'' She sighed theatrically making him grin further.

''No wonders...'' He murmured and let her inside.

''Since I was doing nothing but relaxing myself today and it did tired me and bored to tears, I thought we could do something exciting tonight.'' She looked at him and bit her lower lip, making his heart skip a beat.

''What exactly do you have in mind?'' He asked as innocently as he could.

''Well, I don't know what **you** have in mind...'' She said, letting him know she knew his mind was totally in the gutter. ''...but I was thinking about watching a movie.'' She handed him a DVD box.

''_Silent hill_? Seriously?''

She started to laugh seeing his face.

''Yeah. I've wanted to watch it since like forever, but I can't watch it with Ellie, obviously, and Tyler's already seen it.''

''And...''

''And I definitely won't watch it alone.'' He was thinking about some witty comment, but when he saw her making this face and looking at him with those puppy eyes he had no choice but surrender.

''OK then.'' He said and she smiled widely.

''I also have some unhealthy snacks and six cans of root beer.''

''Totally my kind of evening.'' He joked and she nudged him playfully.

. . .

Jo jumped and gasped at the sudden movement on the screen. Her hand involuntarily found his and her fingers clenched to his wrist. He looked down at their hands, then looked up at her, surprised and amused at the same time.

''Sorry.'' She mumbled. ''I didn't see that coming.'' She tried to move away her hand, but he didn't allow her to do that, taking her hand into his and toying with her fingers. She smiled and moved her eyes back to the screen. Unlike her, Mac wasn't paying much attention to the movie. His thumb was drawing circles on her skin and he was thinking how dainty her hand was in comparison to his. It was also so soft and smooth he almost felt ashamed he dared to caress it with his rough hand. He noticed she wasn't wearing any jewellery tonight, not a single ring or bracelet. He thought it was unusual for her, as he didn't remember he had ever seen her without any. His fingertips travelled to her wrist and he felt her skin somehow uneven in that spot. His gaze went down and as he studied her hand more carefully he was able to see an irregular scar on the inside of her wrist. Jo noticed what he was doing and tried to pull her hand away, but he didn't let her.

''It's not what you think it is.'' She said and he could catch a little hint of annoyance in her voice. He knew that. The scar was too irregular to be from a cut and as he turned her hand he could see it was placed also on the back of her wrist. He lifted her other hand to his eyes and found almost exact scar.

''What is it then?'' He asked.

''It's...'' She withdrew her hands and turned her gaze away from him. ''It's from a barbed wire.'' She tried to say it calmly but her breath was caught in her throat and she knew he was able to hear it.

''Barbed wire? God...'' He shook his head in disbelief. ''You had your wrists tied together with a barbed wire?'' He asked again.

''Mac... I don't want to talk about it. Even looking... make me sick.'' Jo said shakily and he felt bad that he pushed too far.

''I'm sorry.'' He lifted one of her hands and placed a gentle kiss on the inside of her wrist, where the scare was. She felt warmth spilling all over her body and it made her little dizzy. But then suddenly it was like some cold grip grabbed her heart and she felt bad and sorely guilty. He was such a kind man, so good to her. Too good. She didn't deserve him. He should be with someone who would love him as much as he was able to love. Still he had to fall for her and she was unable to reciprocate his feelings with the same strength. She knew what she was doing was evil – she was aware he loved her more then she loved him, maybe even more than she could ever love anybody. But at the same time it felt so good to be with him. So safe and secure. He was like this point you have to fix your gaze on in order not to fall when you spinning around like crazy. He was the only thing she could hang on to. It was so sweet and bitter at the same time.

''Mac, stop it.''

He watched in surprise as she pulled her hand and slightly moved away from him.

''Jo...''

''Mac, I don't want your pity. It was long time ago, it hurt like hell, but it's healed now. End of story.'' She knew he wouldn't believe, not after she had behave like that. But she hoped he would just leave it and let her push those horrible memories away. Otherwise she could end up crying like a little girl in front of him and that would be the worst thing ever.

His eyes were still fixed on her and he could tell she was nothing but fine, but there was no point in going deeper into it as it would make it only worse.

''Jo, honey... I didn't do that because of my pity.'' He said and she finally looked up at him again. ''This was my way of showing ...'' He paused, trying to find right word for his feelings. ''… my admiration for you.''

She rose her eyebrow, attempting to figure out if he was serious. Paradoxically she'd rather his words were some kind of lame picking-up line. But she knew he meant it and it freaked her out even further. She shook her head in disbelief.

His scrutiny never left her and he started to understand what it was all about. However what he couldn't understand was how it was possible for her being so diffident of herself. It was something new to him as he always watched her getting along very well with others, charming everyone she interacted with. She had this special ambiance around her, putting everyone at ease, almost like she was using some magic spell. Everybody loved her and enjoyed being near her. And yet she resisted so much to believe he could admire her and love her? It didn't make any sense to him.

''Jo, can't you see it? I simply adore you.'' He admitted candidly and he was finally rewarded with a shadow of her smile. He moved closer and put his hands on her shoulders. ''I wish you could look at yourself with my eyes. You would see such a beautiful, alluring, adorable and smart woman.''

Now her smile travelled to her eyes and he could finally sense the tension was gone and she had relaxed.

''Why did you list smart in the last place?'' She teased making him smile.

''Because right now I can come up with many ideas what I could do with you and, to be honest, playing jeopardy would be the last of them.'' He said and before she had a chance to react he pulled her closer and brushed his lips against hers. He was doing his best trying to keep this kiss soft. He took his time, caressing her lips with his so slowly. She tried to deepen the kiss but he didn't let her do that, he was the one in control. He knew it would soon drive her crazy and he wasn't mistaken. She let out a faint moan of annoyance and tried other way to make him take things a little faster. She frantically tug on his shirt and unbuttoned it with a hurry. Then she put her palms flat on his naked torso, skipping her fingers along his pectoral muscles. Her hands travelled down, to the sides of his waist and she teased his sensitive skin there, enjoying the feeling of his muscles flinched. Her touch arising fire on his skin, yet it wasn't enough for him to lose his control. He was kissing her deliberate, his tongue flicking slightly along her lower lip and she moaned impatiently wanting more. She grazed her nails over his nipples and finally he broke the kiss, hissing in a breath. He looked at her and his heartbeat quickened as he saw her triumphal smile. At least she managed to make him lost control just a little bit.

''You're so hot-blooded.'' He groaned seeing how she narrowed her eyes and licked her lips, like a hungry animal looking at its prey. ''You simply can't take it slow, can you?''

She didn't bother to answer that. Instead she pushed him down on the couch and straddled him. His hands immediately were on her waistline, steadying her. But there was no use. She fiercely attacked his neck with her lips, nipping at his tender flesh and leaving him breathless.

''I can be as bad as you...'' He whispered, gripping her hips and grinding her against his hardness.

''Oh Lord...'' She moaned closing her eyes. But it didn't take long for her to regain her composure. She looked into his eyes and with a devil grin she rocked her hips against him, feeling him harder even more. She thought she clicked as his eyes darkened and he panted:

''I want you. I want you so badly.''

She lowered herself and whispered seductively, directly into his ear, not skipping the opportunity to tease him further with her breath:

''Then take me. Here and now.''

_Now as hell._ He thought. _But definitely not here. _He pushed her to her side, smirking a little when he saw how surprised and shocked she looked for a moment. Then he put one arm beneath her knees and the other round her back and easily lifted her from the couch, heading for bedroom.

. . .

**A/N Sorry it took so long to update, but I was thinking over and over if I should put this scene in the story. And I know it's not quite fair stopping here, but this will be the point to pick up in the next chapter, so I guess I will be rating it 'M'. **

**As usual thank you very much for a lovely reviews, it's such a pleasure to read that you actually enjoy what I write.  
**


	6. You've got the love

**A/N Terribly sorry about the cliffhanger but while writing the last chapter I was still considering if I should write a love scene or should I left it to your imagination. I decided for the first and I hope you will consider it as a good choice.**

**I was trying to make it not very graphic, so I decided not to change rating to M... No idea if it's right or not.**

. . .

''Oh dear God.'' Jo arched her back feeling him inside her.

''Hey.'' His voice made her open her eyes. She smiled at his concerned look. ''You OK?''

''Yeah.'' She panted. ''It's just been a while and you're so... Oh!'' She gasped as he slowly pushed forward. He wasn't prepared for such tightness and resistance. She felt incredible and it took all his strength to fight the urge to bury himself completely inside her with one swift movement. But the concern he would hurt her was stronger.

''Jo, baby... Let me in.'' He begged.

''I'm trying...'' She whispered, slightly embarrassed that she couldn't make her own body work as she wanted it to.

''Just relax.'' He whispered gently. His voice low and calming. She took a deep breath and felt his lips on her neck. He placed an open-mouth kiss there and then sucked her skin into his mouth. She was sure he would leave a mark and the thought he did it on purpose, marking her as his, send throbbing sensation down her body. His one hand was placed on her abdomen, stroking her softly and relaxing further. Then he lowered his lips to her breast, taking its peak into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue. At the same time his other hand was on her other breast and he rolled her nipple between his thumb and index finger. She felt like there was a small blast near her. She closed her eyes and arched her back, pushing her breasts into his touch and kiss. Then she jerked her hips involuntarily towards him, making him easily slip into her. They moaned simultaneously as they both felt her inner walls enveloped him tightly. He waited for a few more seconds, giving her time to adjust and he smiled when she kissed his jaw, silently letting him know it's alright. He moved slowly at first, but soon his rhythm became more frantic. After a while he opened his eyes and looked down at her. Her eyes were shut tightly, her mouth opened as she was struggling to breath regularly. She looked so beautiful and sexy and Mac felt another rush of arousal as he thought he actually was making love to her right now. He would love to make her scream his name in pleasure. He could see she was struggling for her release, but she wasn't there yet. He however was so close to his it became obvious to him he had to do something to bring her over an edge with him. He thought about some random calculation. _234 times 29 equals... 6786. _He was relieved feeling his arousal decline a little. But it was still not enough. _Another one. 272 times 21 equals... _He heard her soft whimper and opened his eyes for a moment. Her skin had delicious pink flush and her fingers clenched sheets so tightly her knuckles were almost white. _Once more._ 272_ times 21 equals..._ He placed his palm on her inner thigh, feeling slight quiver of muscles. _…equals... 5722... or 5234. Damn! _She moaned his name and he opened his eyes again, finding her eyes looking directly at him.

''Mac... Let it go.'' She whispered into his ear, than took his earlobe between her lips and tugged it sweetly making him groan. ''Don't wait for me.'' She added, kissing her favorite spot, right behind his ear.

''Ladies first. Always.'' He panted. He moved his hand between their joined bodies.

''You're there, honey. Come for me.'' She whispered against his lips and kissed him deeply. She moaned into the kiss when his fingers found her bundle of nerves. Strokes of his fingers and his thrusts made a perfect combination and she broke a kiss, throwing her head back on the pillow with a small whimper. It was soon followed by his own moan as he felt her inside contract wonderfully around his manhood. He kept pressure and pace steady and it took only a few moments for her inner muscle to spasm violently as she came hard, biting her lower lip almost to blood in order not to cry in pleasure. All it took for him to follow her was think about how beautiful she looked at that moment and how good it felt being inside her while she climaxed, as her body itself caressed his. He fell on her and quickly rolled over, taking her with him and placing her partly on top of him. Their breathing were accelerated and their heart rate were crazy, both his and her heart pounding loudly against their chests, making them almost pounding on each other, as they stayed close. He looked at her, enjoying her afterglow. Her eyes were closed and she didn't move, her body so soft and molded into his. He pushed the strand of hair back from her forehead, wondering where she was at the moment, as she seemed absent. Finally she opened her eyes and found him staring directly at her. She sighed and closed her eyes again for a moment, trying to remember the sensation that was traveling through her body only a few moments ago.

''You're still with me?'' He asked bringing his hand to her naked shoulder and caressing her skin. She opened her eyes, smiled and nodded.

''Jeeeez...'' She spoke for the first time and it made him chuckled.

''Jeeeez? That's all you've got for me?'' He teased and she smiled wider.

''That was incredible.'' She said placing her hand on his cheek. ''Thank you... for waiting for me.'' She kissed him softly.

''I don't know where you got this idea that it could be otherwise.''

''Oh, believe me, it didn't come out of the blue.'' He rose his eyebrow at her statement and she sighed knowing he wouldn't let her tell only half of the story. ''As you are probably aware of that now... it takes me a little longer to...'' She started to blush but continued. ''… and most men aren't as patient as you.'' She finished looking lovingly at him.

''Even Russ?'' He asked before he had a chance to think it wasn't very appropriate.

''Well... he was trying. At least at the beginning. But then... I guess it wasn't so important for him anymore.'' She smiled sadly.

''And other guys?'' He had no idea from where he got the courage to ask these questions, but his ego was begging to hear that sex with him was the best she had. If not in her life, than at least for a long time.

''After all it always comes to trust. I can't fully relax with a guy I don't trust. And it's hard to trust someone who you have known only for a few months... or even less.''

''Now, that's a sweetest thing you could tell me.'' He smiled broadly, pulling her into his arms and kissing her silky hair. ''That's the best reward ever. Even better than seeing you looking so utterly beautiful when you...'' She pulled away from his embrace and quickly put her hand on his mouth.

''Oh my God, don't say it!'' He watched as the heaviest blush he had ever seen crept on her cheeks. It wasn't pink, it wasn't even rosy, it had the color of ripe raspberries.

''You're so adorable when you blush like that.'' He said and could swear she blushed even more. ''You have no idea how beautiful you looked in that moment.'' He closed his eyes. ''I hope this image will be printed in my memory forever.'' He whispered.

She pulled away from him, suddenly feeling so hot and stifled, the amount of sensations and emotions simply overwhelming her. She turned away, trying to get a sheet to cover herself with it. But he was quicker. He sneaked his arm around her waist and put his hand on her stomach.

''Oh no, I'm not letting you leave me now.'' He stated firmly and she shivered at his sturdiness. He pulled her closer to him and pressed his chest to her back, spooning her. ''Stay.'' He laid his heavy arm on her waist, holding her in place and making sure she wouldn't move without his knowledge. Then he buried his face in the nape of her neck and into her hair, breathing her smell.

Her heart was beating like crazy. On the one hand she felt completely powerless, subordinate to him and it was scaring the hell out of her. But on the other hand, there was something very exciting about him prevailed over her like that. Maybe it wasn't that bad letting someone else decide for her every once in a while. She felt his steady heartbeat and soon her own heart slowed down and adjusted to his rate. And she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

_. . ._

Jo woke up as the sun started to shine directly into her face. She turned and stretched herself putting her arms above her head. The other side of bed was empty and she sighed seeing he was already gone. She saw a note on the pillow. _Sweetheart, Flack called and I had to go to the department. Call me when you wake up. M. _She smiled when she read it, jumping out of the bed immediately, not bothering to cover herself as she knew she was alone in his apartment. She grabbed her phone and was about to dial his number when some other idea popped into her head.

. . .

With every second he was becoming more and more irritated with all this. It was barley noon and he had already been twice at the precinct and at the two crime scenes. And the thought of Jo sleeping in his bed was not helping. He entered the elevator and pushed the button, closing his eyes and imagining her lying between the sheets. Naked. And yet he was at damned department! He breathed slowly, trying to calm himself. He tired to think he would have plenty of opportunities to wake up by her side, but yet some cruel whisper in his head was telling him it could end every minute. That he couldn't just be happily in love, that he was cursed somehow and his love could not bring happiness, only tears and pain. He thought about Claire. He loved her so much and yet he lost her. And he couldn't do anything about it, he couldn't make it stop, he couldn't save her. He squeezed his eyelids, trying not to see what always came next when he was sinking in thoughts like that. Jo. Jo crying with pain. Jo lying in a pool of blood. Jo slipping out of his hands. He was glad for the ding sound as a elevator reached his floor. He headed for his office. When he entered, his mind screamed only one syllable over and over again – her name. It was the scent of her hanging in the air. He wasn't sure what exactly it was, but it definitely reminded him of her. And then he saw it. A little box from his favorite take out placed on his desk. There was a blue post-in note sticked to it, with a small heart drawn with a simple pen. He smiled. It was so obvious. It would be for everybody who knew her. He took a post-in note into his hand. The heart wasn't ideal. It was drawn in a hurry. He imagined her leaning over his desk, trying to do that and don't get noticed. He put a note into his breast pocket and went outside, heading for a lab.

''Adam, have you seen Jo?'' He asked.

''Jo...?'' Adam seemed a little confused with his question.

''Yeah, Jo Danville. You know, she's been working with us for past year and a half.'' He growled impatiently.

''I... I know. But... Isn't she supposed to... be suspended... until tomorrow?'' He stumbled.

Mac rolled his eyes and left him without explaining anything. In the hall he almost run into Danny.

''Danny! Have you seen Jo?'' He asked again the same question.

''Who?''

_Oh for God's sake!_ Mac yelled in his mind. Danny figured out Mac was getting pretty angry right now and quickly spoke:

''No, I haven't seen her... for a few days, I guess.''

_Those guys are just hopeless._ Mac thought. _The only person who can possible know something is..._

''Lindsay.'' He said as he entered her and Jo's office.

''Hi, boss.'' She smiled at him.

''Have you seen Jo?'' He was getting tired of asking the same question over and over again. The good thing was Lindsay didn't ask him what Jo. She only rose her eyebrow at him.

''She should be here somewhere?'' She asked simply. Her gaze fall at the pocket of his shirt. She could see he had some piece of paper stuck in there. And... was it a heart drawn on it?

''Yes... well, no...'' Lindsay took a closer look at Mac's. Was he loosing his coolness? ''I mean, she has still one last day off, but I know she's somewhere here.'' Lindsay was weighting his every word.

''You. Know. She's. Somewhere. Here.'' She repeated slowly. Then she shot him a question. ''How can you tell she is somewhere here?''

''I just... know. She left me something on my desk.'' Lindsay eyes involuntarily came on the pocket of his shirt. ''And I thought she is still here.'' He ended, trying to sound as cool as possible. ''So you haven't seen her?'' He made sure.

''No.'' She shook her head. ''But... I'm sure, you'll find her.'' She smiled and he was just about to leave when she added. ''Sooner or later.

He turned back to her and frowned his eyebrows, trying to figured out what she meant by it, but she made this _it wasn't me_ face and he just let it go. He entered his office again, closed the door behind him and sighed. She probably had left before he even came back from the crime scene. He looked at his armchair. It was turned back, which was strange. He hadn't left it like that. Then he smelled it again. He step closer and put his arms around the back of the armchair, trapping her.

''Gotcha.'' He said. She looked up at him and smiled.

''Hey there.''

''Where have you been?'' He asked, curious which place did he miss looking for her.

''Here and there.''

He spun her around with a chair. Then he put his arms on the back of it, leaning over her.

''I am wondering whole day... what's that smell?'' He asked.

''What smell?''

''That smell.'' He said nudging her neck with his nose and placing a little wet kiss under her ear. ''It's like...'' He inhaled deeply. ''… violets... and the rain.'' She chuckled.

''You're good.'' She said, really impressed. ''That's exactly what it says on the producer's site. And it's called _V__iolettes sous la pluie_.'' She rose from the armchair, making place for him. ''I brought you a lunch.'' She said, sitting on his desk near him.

''I've noticed. I was looking for you in order to thank you.''

''And yet you didn't.'' She smiled.

''I was somehow distracted.'' He opened the box and saw his favorite chicken salad.

''Right.''

He started to eat. She was watching him, but it didn't bother him.

''I was thinking... how about we eat a dinner tonight?'' He asked.

''Really?'' She asked, her accent making her to drag an 'e' just a little too long and he smiled like every time he heard her saying that.

''Yeah. What's so odd about it?''

''Well... the order of your actions.'' He rose one eyebrow at her, showing his interest. ''Usually you offer a dinner in order to get laid. Not the other way around.'' She smiled like the Cheshire cat and he laughed.

''So how about I pick you at... let's say 9 o'clock?''

''Fine.'' She said and he started to eat again.

''Care to share?'' She teased, seeing him enjoying his lunch.

''You want something particular?''

''Black olive.'' She opened her mouth slightly, waiting for him to offer her one with his fork. But he used his fingers instead. He leaned toward her, placing his hand on her knee, while his other hand brought the olive to her mouth, not letting it too easily, enjoying the feeling of her lips on his fingers.

Suddenly the door flew open and Lindsay came in without any warning. Mac pulled his fingers away and Jo quickly hid the olive in her mouth.

''I've got a test results on... Oh hey there, Jo.'' Lindsay said, acting like she had just noticed her.

''Hi.'' Jo smiled at her, pushing the olive further into her mouth.

''I didn't know you've here.'' She said.

''Yeah, I dropped in to see how you guys doing.''

''Test results, Lindsay?'' Mac cut in, wanting her to say what she had to say and leave.

''Right. Test results on...'' Then she gasped. ''Oh my, I've got a wrong folder. Sorry, I'll be back in a second.'' She turned back, leaving them stunned a little. They looked at each other, trying to figured out what it was about. And while they did it, Lindsay smiled to herself, looking through the glass door at Mac's hand, that hadn't left Jo's knee since she entered and was still placed there.

''Yaaaay!'' She squeaked and hastened to the lab.

. . .

**A/N The second part is just a fluff but it's kinda setting the background for office rumours and I am planning on some funny moments when Jo will be back at the department.**

**Reviews are appreciated as always!**


	7. Never let me go

. . .

As her phone started to ring Jo rushed out of the bathroom, wrapped only in a towel. For a single moment she thought it could be Mac, telling her he has to cancelled their dinner, but it was Ellie.

''Hi, sweetie pie!'' She smiled hearing her daughter's voice.

''Hi, mama!''

''So... how are you? Having fun?''

''Yeah, tons! Yesterday we were having a soccer play and I scored! Twice!'' _Yeah, I scored too._ Jo was about to say, but she bit her tongue.

''That's great, you rock girl! And how about the weather? I saw in the news there was raining yesterday?''

''It was, but after the game. So we stayed on the camping and played Scrabbles...''

''Let me guess, you won?'' Jo smirked, holding a towel in place with her one hand and opening her wardrobe.

''Well... no... I was second. Jack won. He's such a nerd. He combined a word 'adhesion' and gained 72 points only on this one! 'Adhesion'! Can you imagine? I don't even know such word...'' Ellie's exaggerated annoyance made Jo laugh. She was so ambitious, always had to be the best at everything. Or broke her bones trying.

''It means sticking together, honey.''

''Whatever... So, how about you? Do you miss me?''

''Of course I do! How can you even have doubts about it.'' Jo pulled her black trousers from a closet and throw them on a bed.

''I thought maybe you are throwing some wild parties when I'm gone. Well, I would if I were you!''

''And that's why I won't leave you alone at home till your 21st birthday.'' Ellie groaned.

''But really? You are staying home every evening? You should have some fun, mom!''

''Actually... I'm going out for a dinner tonight.''

''With who? Mac?'' Jo's eyes widened. How could she tell?

''Eee... Mac? Where did you get this idea?''

''Mom, come on. What are you wearing?'' Ellie asked.

''Well I was thinking... Black trousers and some elegant white blouse...'' She heard Ellie's moan. ''What?''

''Mom, are you 80 or what? You should totally wear a dress. A sexy one, making Mac's eyes pop out as he sees you!''

''Ellie!''

''What?''

Jo sighed. _She's probably right._ She thought and opened her closet again, gazing over the hangers with dresses.

''OK... so... which dress you think I should wear?'' Jo asked. ''Theoretically. If I were wearing one.'' She added quickly.

''Let me think...'' Ellie said, trying to remember her mom's closet.

''This black one with a square décolleté?'' Jo offered.

''Nah... It's good for an exam, not a date.''

''Ellie, it's not a date, it's only...''

''Well, it isn't exam, is it?'' She cut in and Jo smiled. She was good with her retorts. A little sassy sometimes, but still, so good.

''So maybe the red one?'' Jo asked, pulling out a hanger with tight and short red dress.

''Definitely not!''

''Why definitely?'' Jo wondered.

''It would be good for picking up a man in a bar, but not for a dinner with Mac.''

''Really? But you said I look good in it.''

''You do! It's not the point.''

''Oh...'' Jo thought Ellie was right. It would probably be over the top.

''I know! This navy one with a lacy top.''

Jo pulled the one her daughter mentioned from the closet and took a closer look. It was nice, not too short, just above the knee. It had small ruffles in the waist area, stressing this part. And the top was made of lace, with a lining that ended just above the breasts, making it look like some kind of bodice. Upper lace was sheer, put like two wide straps over shoulders, coming together near breasts and making a nice v-shaped décolleté in front and on the back. _Yeah, it will do. _Jo thought. Then she moaned.

''What?'' Ellie asked.

''I don't have any navy shoes.''

''It would look boring with navy shoes. Put those nude pumps instead. And some long earrings...'' Then Ellie said something to someone near her. ''Mom, I have to go, we're making a barbecue.''

''OK, sweetie. Thanks for help! Have fun!''

''You too, love ya, bye.'' And she hanged up before Jo had a chance to answer.

. . .

As Mac ranged at her door he felt a little nervous. But it took him only a while to mastered it. _It's Jo._ He thought. _It always feels so good to be with her, so easy._ But as she opened a door for him, he felt nervous again. She looked stunning. She was wearing a dress, which clanged to her body in all the right places. He had been studying her figure for months, he even saw her naked, but it had never occurred to him she had such lovely, feminine, hourglass figure. Her waistline seemed so small, he thought he could put his both palms around it and his fingers would almost meet. Her hips so deliciously round and her breasts... he couldn't tear his eyes from her cleavage, letting his gaze slide up and down. She was watching him and the way he was looking at her made her feel hot. There was obvious desire in his eyes and it was clearly he was thinking at the moment what he could do to her. She had never thought she could have such an effect on a man. His eyes finally went up, to her face and he said:

''You look amazing.''

''You're not bad yourself.'' He was wearing a suit, but it didn't matter she had seen him in it so many times already. It was the look on his face that made him so sexy tonight.

''You're ready?''

''Yeah.'' She grabbed a purse that was matching her shoes, which had 5-inches heel, making her almost equal with him at height.

''So let's go.'' He let her pass the door, placing his hand on a small of her back. She smiled. This small gesture was like his trademark to her, as he had done it many times before. Yet tonight it felt so remarkable.

. . .

All evening Jo felt so special and sexy. And it was Mac, who made her feel that way. He simply couldn't tear his eyes from her and it was so obvious she was in his mind the whole time. He had everything planned and he was taking care of her with such affection. Of course, he always acted like a gentleman, from the very first day they met. But being out with him as his date was so much better. He was spoiling her and his sweet comments really were warming her heart. She liked that by his way of acting he was clearly sending a message to everyone nearby that she was with him. Or maybe even that she was his. It didn't even bother her that he was a little overprotective with her at times. Like insisting he would accompany her in the cab to her place and escort her right to her door. With someone else she would probably fuss about it, making some comment about her being a grown-up woman, not a helpless child. But not with Mac. With him she knew he was doing it not to prove he was better at taking care of her than her taking care of herself. He was doing it, because he thought it was right.

. . .

The ding made by the elevator when they reached her floor didn't catch his attention, it was her voice that did.

''Mac...'' Jo said softly, dragging her fingers through his hair. He tore his lips away of her neck and pulled her quickly from the elevator. She managed to find keys in her purse and she placed it into a lock as soon as she reached her door. He was right behind her, his arms sneaked around her waist and he pressed his whole body to hers. She opened the first lock but found it difficult to do the same with the second one. His face was near her neck, he moved away her hair with his nose and placed a soft kiss on her skin. Her hands were trembling. The keys made a noise and it brought his attention to them. He smiled and reached for them, unlocking the door easily. _God! How can he be so calm?_ She thought entering her own apartment. He followed her, closed the door behind them and with one quick movement he grabbed her by the waist, spun around and shoved against the door. His lips were on hers before she even had a chance to gasp. He pinned her harder and deepened the kiss. Jo moaned into his mouth and tried to broke the kiss, but she was unable. Her hand that was placed on his chest pushed him away slightly and it made him wondering what was going on. He moved his lips away and gave her a chance to pant:

''Doorknob...''

''Sorry.'' He mumbled, moving his hand from her waist to her back and finding the place where the damn thing hurt her. His hand came between her back and the door, securing her and he used it to push her into him this time. His lips attacked hers once more. Jo felt so delightfully light-headed, she felt tipsy, but it could not be from those two glasses of wine she had drunk. She opened her mouth slightly and he took advantage of the invitation, tasting her sweetness. After a few moments the urge to breath took over them and he tore away from her lips, breathing deeply. She looked well kissed, her lips were swollen and had deeper shade of red than they usually had. She smiled at him, her eyes sparkled with happiness.

''You're so beautiful, Jo.'' He whispered. ''You have no idea how hard it was to resist you for whole evening.''

She didn't answer and once again he wondered why his compliments were making her so embarrassed. She turned away her gaze and said:

''I'm thirsty.'' Then she freed herself from his arms and went to the kitchen, followed by him. ''You want some?'' She asked but he shook his head. He watched as she poured herself a glass of juice and drank it with small sips, squinting her eyes, enjoying the cold liquid. She put the empty glass on a counter and licked her lips. _How it's possible I find every single thing she does so sensual and alluring? _He wondered. _God, I fell so deep for her. _He was sure it was much more than usual sexual attraction. She was like an angel to him, perfect and flawless. He would give up everything to be with her, to spoil her, protect her, to take care of her... He not only wanted her, he needed her. He needed her so badly. And there she was, standing in front of him. He could make one step and pull her in his arms, holding her like there wouldn't be tomorrow. And he knew she would comply, but somehow it was still not enough for him. Her voice brought him back to reality.

''Penny for you thoughts?'' She offered.

''I don't think you want to know...''

She approached him, placed her arms around his neck and breathed:

''Oh, I do.''

''I was thinking about how I managed to keep my hands off you the whole evening when my imagination teased me with such naughty ideas.''

''Like what?'' She couldn't refrain herself from finding out what he was imagining.

''Like tearing your dress apart and taking you right there, on the restaurant table, in front of all those people.'' She felt sudden rush of blood going through her body. She thought she should stop him from saying it, but she couldn't. ''Or bringing my hand up your thigh, right to your center, when we were in the cab. Checking if you want me as bad as I want you.'' Her body was now on fire. Is it real? Mac Taylor, this restrained and sedate man, talking to her like that? ''Or taking you against cold elevator's wall, making it hard and quick.'' She could barely stand right now. She leaned against kitchen table, her breathing clearly accelerated.

''Oh Lord...'' She whispered.

''Now you've got a thin idea what you are doing to me.'' Mac said, moving closer to her. She was looking to the side, avoiding his gaze. He placed his hand on her chin and turned her head to face him, looking into her eyes. ''Why does it make you so uncomfortable?'' He simply asked.

''It's not that.'' She shook her head. ''It was amazing last night. I really enjoyed being so close to you.'' She smiled. ''But losing myself... into this sensation again... makes me...'' She paused. She was unable to turned her head and avoid his gaze, as he was still holding a soft grip on her chin. Instead she closed her eyes.

''Makes you what?'' He asked and she shook his head.

''Never mind.'' She said quickly. He wanted to say something, but she put her index finger over his lips, silencing him. ''You turned me on so much with saying all those things. No more talking. Please, switch to action.'' And then she offered him the most beautiful smile she could put on, hoping he wouldn't be asking more questions. And he didn't. He grabbed her waist tightly, lifted her up, and sit her on an edge of the kitchen table. His mouth devoured hers and she moaned at the sudden contact. His hands were stroking her thighs, going higher and higher. He felt a characteristic texture of the lace and then his fingers skipped over her bare skin. _God! She's wearing stockings._ He gasped and she smiled into his mouth at his response. His action became more frantic as he pulled her dress up.

''Lift.'' He ordered and she pushed herself up for a second, letting him pushed the bottom of her dress to her waistline. He pulled away a little, letting his eyes rake over her, hungrily drinking in the sight of her. She looked highly erotic, supporting herself on her hands placed behind her on the table, with her stocking clad legs slightly parted. He dragged his palms from her knees to her hips, hearing her sudden intake of breath. Then he hooked his thumbs with the hem of her nude, lacy panties and paused. She whimpered, keeping her eyes closed.

''Tell me.'' He asked. She opened her eyes. They weren't brown any more, they looked like black shining diamonds.

''I want you to touch me...'' Her voice barely a whisper.

He pulled the little piece of garment down her long legs, letting it fall to the floor. Then he kissed her senseless, touching her as she wanted. Her wetness and hotness made him moan into the kiss and she moaned as well, feeling his strong fingers on her sensitive skin. He started to caress her, knowing exactly what he was doing. His fingers went up and down several times, relishing in her softness. Then he found her sweet spot. It felt like a perfect shaped pearl against his fingers and he stroked it with his thumb, putting just right amount of pressure. She broke their kiss and tossed her head back letting out a whimper. He seized the opportunity and kissed the column of her throat. She moved her hand to his and for a moment he thought she would pushed his hand away, but she gripped his wrist tight, her nails sinking into his skin.

''You feel so good, Jo... So soft...'' He whispered and she loosened up her grip on his wrist a little bit. His thumb continued to do its magic, while his index finger went down. He slowly pushed it in and out, making her gasp. He repeated this motion and his other hand moved to her lower back, holding her in place.

''More.'' She whimpered and he complied by adding his middle finger. ''Oh, yeees.'' She finally let go of his wrist and moved her hand to his shoulder. He knew she wouldn't last long as her muscles started to quiver. He curled his fingers, searching for this perfect spot inside her that could send her over the moon. Soon after his fingertips came across some thickening, standing out from the softness and he rubbed it gently. He smiled as her reaction confirmed he had found it – she panted out his name and her whole body started to shiver. He was looking at her and saw she clenched her eyelids and let out a broken whimper like she was about to start crying. She thought she would pass out. It is even possible? To pass out from too much pleasure? The thought run through her mind, but it was soon forgotten as Mac touched this perfect spot again. She felt herself like falling into darkness and she clenched to his shoulders with both her hands.

''Hold me...'' She whispered and as he pulled her close to his chest with his one arm she came hard against his fingers, trembling violently.

_. . ._

Mac hold her close for a long moment, waiting for her heartbeat to slow down and her breathing to become steady again. But even then she refused to move or look at him. So he picked her up from the table, nested secure in his arms and took to her bedroom, gently lowering her on the bed. Her body was a little limp like she had been dragged. He took off her shoes and undressed her, covering her with a sheet. Then he undressed himself us well, leaving only his boxers on and climbed into the bed besides Jo, spooning her and placing his arm over her. He shifted a little and looked down at her. Her eyes were closed and she looked almost peaceful, although he felt something wasn't right. Her reaction was just too odd. He hoped he didn't hurt her in any way. His heart skipped a beat when he saw a little tear that escaped from under her eyelid and rolled down her cheek.

''Jo... what is it? Tell me. Did I hurt you?'' He asked softly, his voice harsh with emotions. She shook her head and he was relieved a little, but not for long. ''So what is it? Please talk to me.''

''I'm sorry...'' She breathed out, squeezing her eyelids even more, trying not to let another tears escape.

''For what?'' He asked, truly surprised.

''I'm just so hopeless with it.'' She brought her hands to her face, covering it and he heard a quite sob. He pulled her closer into his hug and rocked her gently, trying to calm her down:

''Please don't cry. Honey... don't cry. You're breaking my heart.''

She managed to composed herself at his statement, then she lowered her hands and he turned her a little, that she was lying on her back and he could see her face.

''I'm so sorry.'' She repeated, turning even more to him. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, brushing away the traces of tears. ''Mac, you shouldn't fall for me.'' She said quickly, her voice was shaky. ''I'm so bad at this. You should have someone who is better for you, who is able to respond in a... regular way.'' Now he was really confused. What she was trying to say?

''Shhh... Slow down. I don't want anyone else. I want you.'' He said calmly. ''And I don't think you are bad at anything.''

''But I am. I was trying so hard to do it with you... as it is supposed to be done... but I simply can't. I'm...'' There it is. She hated to admitted that, but there was no other way. She had to be honest with him. ''...too scared.'' Her voice was barely a whisper as she finished the sentence.

''Scared of what?'' He frowned his eyebrows, trying to figure out what she meant. ''Making love with me?''

''Making love in general.'' She finally looked at him. ''Not with you. With you it's perfect. It's not you, it's me...''

''But what's so scary about it?'' He asked, trying not to chuckle.

"This feeling... of losing myself. It's wonderful and scary at the same time. Like I am falling into an abyss.'' Then it struck him. He finally could understand it. It was all about the control. He did observed this in her long time ago. Jo always had to be in control. If she wasn't, she was freaking out. She always tried to have everything her own way. Even if she agreed for a compromise she still had to check if it would be possible for her to get it like she wanted and if it was, she was fine with that, as she had a feeling she made that decision by letting go. God! He knew that! It was her routine, she did it at every step. She was even driving manual, not automatic, which was hard for him to understand at first, but now it was making perfect sense. She was probably hurt once by someone who she decided to trust and gave up some of her control and it turned against her. By someone who was overly authoritative, dominating over her... ___Damn!_ He thought. ___Of course, Russ._ And now being in control was the most important thing for her and no wonders that she struggled so much for keeping it. It was suddenly so clear for him why it was hard for her to relax and let it go when they were making out. And why she begged him to hold her tight when she tipped over the edge earlier tonight. After all it was about losing control and that's why it was so hard for her to enjoy it.

''Jo, honey...'' He smiled softly at her. ''You have nothing to worry about. You know you can always say stop?'' She nodded. ''And you can always tell me to go slower... or faster. And I will comply. The whole thing it's not only about me, it's about you as well. And if you aren't feeling comfortable, then I'm not enjoying it either.'' She looked directly into his eyes, searching something that could warn her that he wasn't telling the truth. But she didn't find anything. ''It's not that bad to lose control once in awhile. When I'm with you, nothing bad can happen to you then. And I won't hurt you either.''

''I know that.'' She whispered. She buried her face in his chest and added: ''Sorry for ruining the evening. It was perfect till I freaked out.'' She muttered.

''I don't consider it as ruined.'' He smiled. Then she pulled away from him a little and she rose one eyebrow at him, saying:

''If you want to...'' He knew what she was about to say, so he silenced her:

''No, tonight was thrilling enough.'' He said honestly.

''But you didn't...'' Again he interrupted her.

''It's OK. Don't worry about me. I'm sure you'll make it up to me.'' He playfully nudged her neck.

''You bet.'' She laughed and he smiled. It was so good to hear her laughter. He pulled her closer to his chest and squeezed a little. It seemed like a perfect moment to say it. Those three little words were almost exiting his mouth when he catch them and swallowed them down. He was concerned if she would say it back and he didn't want her to feel guilty if she wasn't ready for that.

''You know you should be back in work tomorrow?'' He said instead.

''Oh, crap.'' She sighed, making him chuckle.

''And I'm pretty sure your strict boss won't accept any excuses.'' He added.

''You're so right about that.''

''So go to sleep, Jo.''

''Mmmm.'' Was her only response.

_. . ._

**A/NI decided to put a little conversation with Ellie at the beginning, as she will be back from her camp soon and she will start playing a role in the story, so that's why this chapter is longer then others. **

**I hope Jo isn't much out of character and doesn't seem hysterical. **

**And next chapter will be fun to write as they both will be at work again and Lindsay will be watching them soooo carefully ;)  
**

**Thank you once more for all lovely reviews and pms!  
**


	8. Heavy in your arms

. . .

Mac was dreaming about the sunshine. Rays of sun were warming up his skin. It was like the summer afternoon, when sun hangs low and makes everything so deliciously idly. The air was still and there was this scent hanging in it, the one you can smell just after the rain, when it's starting to be clear again. The scent of the rain. And violets. The scent of her. He looked around, searching for her, but he couldn't see her. All of sudden the sunshine was gone and it darkened. The wind begun to blow violently, it dispelled her scent in the air and brought to him her scream. He felt like there was a heavy weight put on his chest as her cry grew louder. She sounded like she was in pain, like something or someone was hurting her cruelly. Like she was in agony. He looked around and suddenly he saw her. She was standing in front of him, looking so unnaturally pale, her skin almost white. She stretched out her hands towards him and he could see they were covered with blood. He felt petrified with dread as he saw small red spot on the front of her white shirt. Before his very eyes it started to become bigger and bigger like her blood was soaking it. And he wasn't able to move, he wasn't able to stop that. He wasn't able to do anything. He looked into her wide-open eyes and could see infinite sadness and fear in them. He had never seen her like that and it was breaking his heart. Like all the joy disappeared and he felt like he would never be happy again. In the twinkling of an eye her whole shirt was red and she closed her eyes, sinking to the ground.

. . .

His eyes flew open and he gasped for breath. His heart was pounding violently inside his chest, as he still could see this horrible vision right in front of his eyes. He blinked twice and took a deep breath trying to calm down himself. Slowly he came back to the reality. He looked down at her, sleeping by his side, not disturbed by his abrupt awakening. She was just right there and she was fine. He let out a relieved breath. She was cuddled in his arms, looking so peaceful. Her upper half wasn't covered, as she had kicked the sheet away and it was now tangled around her legs. But she wasn't cold as he could feel a heat radiating from her body. He felt sudden rush of emotions. She seemed so fragile and vulnerable. Her body so tiny in comparison to his. A guy like him could easily throw her across the room or broke her wrists with his one hand. He closed his eyes again, trying to push away all those terrible images he had to deal with at work on daily basis. He tried not to imagine something like that happening to Jo, but he was helpless. He pulled her even closer, hugging her so tightly it was probably hard for her to breath as she muttered in her sleep and shifted a little. He managed to control himself and loosened his embrace, letting her snug to his chest in the most comfortable position for her. He wasn't sure how he would survive her being at work again. He knew he would be worried sick if she's not in any danger. And he was more than aware, taking into account the nature of their job, that was more than possible. If it was up to him he would never let her go, holding her in his arms forever. But he knew it couldn't be done. And he knew that wouldn't make her happy. She would be feeling like he's suffocating her and she would abandon him sooner or later. He started to think about possible ways to protect her without her knowing it and without her feeling controlled. Of course he had some powers over her as her boss. But he was sure it wouldn't work. She would freak out same minute he would tell her to step away from danger. It was almost dawning outside as he came to conclusion there is no other way to do that than being at her side as much as possible, having her trust and making her share with him everything she's up to. But still he wasn't sure if it would be enough for him.

. . .

He was trying to find himself in her kitchen, but couldn't fight the impression something about it was highly chaotic. Teaspoons were in the other drawer than forks and knifes, and no, they weren't next to each other – they were just across the room. And he spent quite a time searching for a sugar bowl, which was put in the lower cabinet, with bags of pasta and boxes of cereals. Thank God he didn't have to look for mugs, as two of them were in the sink, all he had to do was wash them. One of them was with a fluffy teddy bear and the inscription saying 'I love my mummy the most' and it made him smile. It was probably her favorite. Other one was simply blue and he decided to use it for himself. He was about to sweeten her coffee when he heard her alarm going off in the other room. Before he made it to the bedroom it was silenced and as he entered the room, Jo was lying flat on her stomach, covering her head with a pillow. He laughed. Now it was obvious why she was always the last one to show up at the crime scene or at the department. She was nothing but a riser. He approached the bed and sat on it.

''Jo... honey...''

He was rewarded with a moan of protest and she grabbed the pillow tighten. He moved his hand under the sheet and he tickled her ribs and side. She couldn't stifle a giggle and she finally turned to him, throwing a pillow from her head towards him, but he managed to duck out and it landed on the floor.

''You're so dead!'' She threatened, trying to sound sinister but she failed as she was still giggling.

''Good morning to you, too.'' He laughed and leaned over her, kissing her forehead. She throw her arms around him, pulling him closer.

''What time is it?'' She asked, hoping she could enjoy him for a little longer.

''7.20.''

''Oh, dear Lord!'' She sat up hastily and tried to get off the bed as quick as possible, wrapping a sheet around her. ''Why haven't you woken me up earlier?'!' She shouted from the bathroom and he rolled his eyes.

''Because I've wanted to stay alive?''

Still covered with a sheet she charged from the bathroom and headed for a chest of drawers, grabbing her underwear and disappearing in the bathroom again. He fall back on the bed smiling. She was so giddy sometimes, so adorably scatterbrained. It was so different from his ordered, almost boring life. And he truly enjoined her like that, as she was making him feel more alive somehow. She didn't bother closing the bathroom door, so he decided to peek in inside. She was standing in front of the mirror, fussing with her hair, wearing only black lacy bra and matching boy shorts. He thought it wasn't very good idea to see her like that just before work as this image of her would be in his mind for the whole day, making it hard to concentrate on anything else. She saw him standing in the bathroom door and froze, looking at him in the mirror and asked:

''What?''

''Nothing.'' He cleared his throat and asked: ''What's the rush? It's not like you haven't been late at work before.'' He teased.

''Yeah, but you never are. And we can't both be late.'' She said painting her eyelashes.

''Oh.'' He understood. She was right, it would be a perfect theme for a morning gossip. But did he really care? Yet it didn't matter, as she obviously did care.

She looked at him again and sighed, putting her mascara down. It wasn't the best time to have a conversation about how they should deal with a team facing the fact they are in a relationship. Although she was aware that if things would be playing along so well between them as they did for the past days, they would have to discuss it sooner or later. His voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

''I made us coffee. You want me to bring it to you?'' She smiled.

''I have to dress up. Go drink yours, I will be there in a minute.'' She said, kissing him quickly.

''OK.''

He went to the kitchen and grabbed the blue mug. He started sipping his coffee leisurely, admiring the fridge decoration. Whole surface of the metal door was covered with postcards, photos and some Ellie's drawings. All attached to the fridge by colourful magnets. And there were post-in notes of course, with many daily and lovely messages. Like one written by Ellie, that read 'Mom, I'll be at Janet's, pick me up later' or one written by Jo: 'Good luck with math, you're the best, kiddo'. There were also some about shopping, especially three of them caught his attention. The first one was yellow and there was only one word on it – 'Milk'. The one just below was green and had the same text, only with exclamation mark and then it was followed by the blue one, which read 'Milk, damn it!'. It was definitely Jo's handwriting and he almost chocked on his coffee as he imagined her getting more and more frustrated with no milk to put in her coffee for three mornings in a row. Then he saw some pink note with a heart and text 'Don't miss me too much, have fun, love ya'. It was written in capitals so it was hard to tell if it was from Ellie or... someone else. He peeled it off from the fridge and was studying it closer when Jo came to the kitchen. She smiled seeing what he was doing and as she took her mug she said:

''It's from Ellie. She wrote it just before she went to camp.'' He placed it on the fridge again and turned to face her. She was now fully dressed, wearing slim black trousers with thick black belt, white tank-top and navy waterfall sweater. Seeing her like that made him wondering again how it was possible for her to wear such plain and simple outfits and still looking so feminine and sexy.

''So... did you complied?'' He asked.

''Huh?''

''Are you having fun?''

''As if you didn't know.'' She smiled at him and took a few quick sips of coffee. He glanced over the fridge again and asked:

''How on earth are you able to figure out which note is the newest one?''

''Oh, we have a system.'' He rose his eyebrow at her, not expecting there was a method in this madness. ''The newest one is placed on the nearest cabinet and after that it travels on the fridge as a souvenir.'' He nodded and she put down her mug, checking her watch. ''Come on, we have to go.''

. . .

Mac cursed himself for not even trying to offer her that he would drive. He knew there was very little chance for her to agree, as it was her car, but still, if she accepted he wouldn't be going through this now. Her manner of driving was maddening him! And it was not because she was a lousy driver. No, she was very good, but she wasn't focused on the road, doing many tasks at the same time. She was singing along the song, which was played quite loud or, when she wasn't singing, she was searching some other song to sing along, pushing almost all buttons of the radio. She was fixing her hair, adjusting her seat belt and looking at other people through the window. And the worst of all – she was checking out the cars standing next to her on the red lights, trying to set off before them. And at the same time she was doing all things she had to do as a driver, including changing gears, as she was driving manual. At some points she didn't even bother to place her hand back on the wheel, leaving it on the gearshift lever and taking corners with only her one hand turning the wheel. When she did it again, almost at full speed, he gripped his seat tightly and she noticed his unease.

''What?''

''Can't you just drive... calmly?'' He asked.

''What do you mean by calmly?''

''Like focusing on the road and slowing down a little bit?''

''I don't like to drag on. It's the main reason of heavy traffic, that they start off to slow and keep too far from the car in front. And I am focused on the road. I'm a woman, we can handle multitasking, you know?'' She turned her head to face him and smiled. He was about to say something when he saw a man stepping out into the road just in front of their car. He was going to warn her, but before he did it she pressed the brake hard and if not for seat belt, he would end up with his face integrated into the front windscreen. She slammed a horn a few times and kept on driving.

''See?'' She said. ''You didn't even had a chance to scream.'' She teased and he frown. Great. Another reason for me to worry about her. He thought.

. . .

Jo parked at Mac's spot instead of at hers and switched off the engine.

''Why here?'' He asked.

''It's closer to the exit.''

''OK.'' He looked at her. She seemed like she had no intention of getting out of the car. ''We're going?''

''I was thinking... Maybe I will go to the bistro round the corner and buy something to eat for us?'' She offered without looking at him.

''You don't want us to show up together?'' He took a guess.

''No!'' She denied, but when she turned to him and saw his eyes she found herself unable to lie to him. ''Well... yes. But it has nothing to do with you. I'm just not in the mood for teasing about it.''

''Yeah, I get it. You will probably get enough of that about the last time you were at the department.''

She frown her eyebrows, trying to remember and he added: ''When you stormed out of my office telling me I should screw myself.'' He was now almost amused by the recollection of that, but she felt ashamed.

''I'm sorry for that.'' She mumbled and he leaned closer to her, kissing her cheek and then corner of her mouth. ''But hey, considering what has happened next it was more a promise than an insult.'' She said. As he pulled back a little he was able to see her saucy look.

''Oh, you're impossible.'' He moaned and leaned towards her again. He was trying to make this kiss soft and quick, but as he was just about to pull away he heard her moan of complain and she put her hand behind his head, deepening the kiss. Her fingers were in his hair, her nails slightly scratching his scalp. She took his lower lip between hers and then lightly grazed her teeth over it. She smiled when he groaned and he took the opportunity of breaking the kiss.

''Jo...'' He said scoldingly.

"What?'' She asked innocently, plying with a button of his shirt. It took all his strength not to kiss her again.

''If you keep doing that we will stay here till midnight.'' He said stepping out of the car. She did it too, locking it.

''So what do you want for breakfast?'' She smiled at him and he thought he knew exactly what he wanted.

''You can buy me a raisin scone.'' He said and sighed deeply.

. . .

Lindsay was so glad Jo was back in the lab. It was only five days, but it was somehow very boring without her. She was always lighting the mood with her witty and funny comments. And her teasing Mac. She was the only one sassy and saucy enough to tease him as she did. The best part about that was seeing Mac being completely helpless with Jo being so flirtatious in his company. Lindsay caught him even blushing once or twice, hearing her saying something spicy. And it was very surprising for her to notice, but their serious boss seemed to loving it, as he was always more lightened up and less uptight being around her. Although sometimes there was easy for her to sense the tension between them, especially when they were sitting, talking and working together in his office. Usually when she entered the room the air was so thick one could hang an axe in it.

But not today. _Something has changed_. Lindsay thought. She had been watching them from the very second they showed up at work. Not together, Mac was first. But then Jo came, bringing him breakfast and saying she had to go to another bistro for raisin scone for him. So she knew what he wanted, which meant they had to at least be on the phone with each other in the morning. But most probably they had drove together and Jo used the opportunity of going to bistro for not showing up together. The detective had awaken in Lindsay as she thought about checking whose car was on the parking lot. She could bet there was only one of their cars there, not both. And as she glanced now through the glass door of Mac's office she could see them sitting at the opposite sides of Mac's desk. Jo was checking her phone and Mac's eyes were glued to her. She rose her gazed and he didn't do what he usually had in such situation before – he didn't turn his eyes away, only smiled at her and she smiled back. Lindsay knocked quietly on the door, before entering.

''We've got a crime scene in Bronx, some gunfight.'' She said. ''Flack's asking if Jo's coming with him, as I have to meet Sid in the autopsy.''

''Yeah, sure...'' Jo said slowly, looking at Mac. ''OK, so I'm going.'' She rose at her feet and took last sip of the coffee. ''See you later then.'' She smiled at him, heading for the doors.

''Actually I can go with you, too.'' Mac quickly stood up as well, grabbing his jacket from the hanger. Jo smiled. ''Paper work can wait.''

_He said WHAT?_ Lindsay mind screamed as she wasn't sure if she heard right. Then they left her standing in the middle of Mac's office and headed for the elevator, Mac's hand resting instantly at small of Jo's back. But it was his common gesture. What was not, is him leaning so close towards her, his lips were almost touching her earlobe as he whispered something to her. _Oh yeah, there something definitely has happened between those two._ Lindsay thought again. _And I even have my type what was it._ She smirk, leaving Mac's office.

_. . ._

After they come back from the crime scene the day started to be more crazy and Mac and Jo had little opportunities to spend some more time together. Usually it would frustrate him, as being around her was making his day at work. But not today, as he knew it was now so much easier to spend an evening with her. Or night, considering the fact it was quite late already. He came back with his thoughts to paper work and he was doing it really effectively until Jo stepped into his office.

''Hey, there.'' He smiled. ''You're going home?''

''I'm waiting for you for two hours now.'' She approached his chair, leaning over its back. ''I have even cleaned up this mess called my desk.'' She sneaked her hands from his shoulders to his chest, moving them slowly. ''And yet you're still doing this crap.'' She moaned. ''Leave it and let's go home. My place or yours, I don't care.''

''Jo... I have to finish it.'' He felt her lips on his neck. ''Jo, we're at work.'' He reminded her.

''Everybody has already left. We're alone.'' His masculine scent was wonderful, making her wanting more of him. ''Which makes me thinking if you don't leave it any minute now I will seduce you and there is high possibility we will end up making it on your desk.'' She whispered and he felt her tongue tasting his skin between her kisses. He moaned.

''I need no more than an hour.''

''An hour?'' She groaned. ''How about I help you and we deal with it in half an hour and spend the left half an hour on something more pleasant?''

''Tempting, but I have to do it on my own.''

''Oh, boss stuff. Fine, I guess I have to find someone else who will take care of me tonight.'' She teased, pulling away from him.

''Jo.'' He grabbed her hand, stopping her. ''How about... you go to my place and relax yourself?'' He pulled keys from his pocket and gave them to her. ''And I will join you when I finish.''

She took his keys and started to toying with them with her fingers, making up her mind.

''Fine.'' She said. ''But I am giving you up to an hour and a half. I won't be waiting longer.'' She warned.

''Understood.'' He chuckled. ''Hey.'' He stopped her when she was about to leave.

''What?'' She asked and he put his index finger to the corner of his mouth, indicating what he had in mind. She laughed and leaned over him, kissing him softly at this spot, then capturing his lips with hers properly. He put his hands on her waist, holding her in place and deepened the kiss until she moaned quietly and broke the kiss in need for air. ''An hour and half.'' She reminded him and she left.

. . .

**A/N So sorry I haven't updated for a while, but things at the Uni were crazy last days (examination session) and I had spent twice the time at work because of that. But today I had my last classes with students so it's almost over. It's another fluffy chapter, despite the Mac's nightmare. It seems it's my style, lots of fluff, some smut and a little drama - I guess that's the right proportions.  
**

**All reviews are very appreciated as always, especially let me please know if you like such style as mentioned above.**_  
_


	9. Drumming song

. . .

As Mac approached his apartment he heard loud music, which made him wondered who of his neighbours was having fun tonight. He was just in front of his apartment, when he realized music was actually played at his place. Before he rang at his own door he tried the doorknob. It wasn't locked so he opened it and walked in, locking it behind himself. Anger starting to rise in him, as he thought how irresponsible of Jo was forgetting to lock them. He knew he had to calm down, or else he would make a scene and they would end up fighting. But he soon forgot his thought, as he entered the kitchen. Jo was standing at the counter, cutting some cherry tomatoes in halves. She was barefoot, wearing only her pink shorts, which he knew from the first night they spent together, and white top. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail. Her hips were deliciously swaying according to the beat. He groaned, feeling his blood starting to pound hard in his ears.

_Louder then sirens,  
louder then bells,  
sweeter then heaven  
and hotter then hell._

He heard the lyrics of the song and thought how very fitting they were to the view in front of him. He didn't want to scare her, so he fought the urge to come closer and sneak his arms around her waist. Instead of that he moved to the CD player and turned the volume down slightly, but just enough to catch her attention. Jo turned around surprised, smiling wide as she saw it was him.

''Hey there.'' She said moving close to him, still swaying a little, singing along with a lyrics.

_As I move my feet  
towards your body,  
I can hear this beat  
it fills my head up  
and gets louder and louder._

''Hey.'' Mac answered, letting his gaze rake over her body. Her white top had few buttons near the cleavage and two of them were unbuttoned playfully. It was enough for his imagination to give him some ideas and when he noticed she wasn't wearing a bra, he was totally lost. She looked like a wet dream come true. He put one arm behind her and pulled her closer quickly, making her yelp in surprise. He saw two water drops at her bare shoulder and kissed them off, moving to her neck. Jo closed her eyes and let out a content sigh. He found some wet strand of her hair that escaped from the ponytail and nudged it with his nose, kissing the nape of her neck.

''I've just showered.'' She whispered.

''Mmmm.'' Was his only response as he was focused on finding more water drops that she didn't dry off. His hands traveled to her bottom, relishing into wonderful roundness. He pushed her lower half into him. She gasped feeling he was already hard. She blushed and asked breathlessly:

''Really?''

''Oh yeah.''

His hands lifted her and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist, trying to hold on.

''Mac, I'm too heavy...'' She warned softly.

''You're like a feather.'' He said making her smile.

He headed to the bedroom, holding her tight. He sat down on the bed, with Jo on his lap.

''What about my salad?'' She asked.

''You'll finish later.'' She laughed, then she lowered her head and started to kiss him, slowly and sensually. Her hands started to work on his tie, loosing it up. Then she started to unbutton his shirt, but he stopped her. She rose her eyebrow looking at him.

''Tonight we're gonna do it my way.'' Mac said firmly.

''Which is...?''

''Slowly.'' He smiled hearing her groaning. Mac knew she always tried to make it as quick as possible, but his guess was it wasn't really because of the want itself, more because of the fear and hope it will be over as soon as possible. He felt her uneasiness as she shifted on his lap, trying to pull away. He let her do that only to laid her in the middle of the bed with a gentle push. ''I want to get to know you. To memorize every inch of you and find all sweet spots.'' Mac said and she smiled.

''I don't have sweet spots.''

''Oh, yes you have.'' He moved over her, reaching her neck with his lips. ''For example here. Every time I kiss this spot...'' He nipped on her skin, feeling her pulse racing beneath the surface. ''...you do that.'' Mac finished just when she moaned softly. He pulled away, looking directly in her eyes, proud of himself. Jo looked surprised. She shook her head.

''It's not..'' She tried to deny, but he moved to the side of her neck again, grazing his teeth against this spot and soothing it with his tongue immediately. She made a strange sound, trying to stifle her moan, wondering how it was possible she let out one without even noticing.

''Every... single... time...'' Mac whispered between placing kisses along her collarbone. His hands were on her hips, thumbs grazing the smooth skin between her shorts and her top. He moved them to the hem of her top and she lifted her back assisting him in pulling it up and over her head with one swift movement. He tossed it behind him and focused on the sight in front of him. Her skin was pale, with a slight pink flush. Like milk with few drops of blood. It made a perfect frame for her dark eyes, dark hair and red lips. His eyes went to her breast. They were round and full and had perfect size, fitting just right into his hands. Her nipples small and rosy, peaked a little like they were begging for his touch. Jo shifted a little, intimidated by the intensity of his gaze. He was caressing her with her eyes and she couldn't recall someone had ever looked at her like that. She felt a need, her body was almost aching for his touch. She brought her hand to his shirt, trying to tug it out of his pants in attempt to undress him. But he stopped her. He pulled his tie over his head and grabbed her wrists gently, putting her hands above her head. Than he wrapped them few times with his tie, without making any knot.

''Hold it.'' He commanded and she complied, locking her fingers around the ends. Her back was arched and her legs had to part a little, in order to find a balance in this position. ''You're so beautiful.'' He said. ''Just perfect.'' Jo closed her eyes, trying to think about his words as some sweet pillow talk, but deep down she knew he truly meant it and it was overwhelming her. His hands started to caress her skin. ''So smooth, so soft...'' He whispered in awe. ''...so sensitive.'' He added as his palms came across her nipples, which harder from his light touch. He cupped them in his hands and she arched her back pushing them more into his touch and purring softly. She was dying for his caress to become more firm, more rough, but he was taking his time. His strong hands touching her so gently, starting fire on her skin and inside her. He kissed her throat nipping softly at her tender flesh, then kissed his way down, between her breasts. He took her left nipple between his thumb and index finger, rolling gently. She arched her back even more and moaned loudly. He brought his other hand above her head, to her joined wrists, making sure she would stay like that. At the same time his mouth went to her right breast and he kissed its soft swell before capturing its peak between his lips. It was now as hard as a small pebble. He let his tongue tease it a little.

''Mac...'' Jo whimpered and he knew what she wanted to say. He pulled away and moved up, kissing her lips.

''Be patient, baby.'' He whispered. ''I promise it will be worth it.'' He added and she let out a slightly irritated sigh. Then he moved down her body, to her stomach, which was flat but yet so softly feminine. He kissed her just beneath her belly button. She shifted a little, feeling uncomfortable. She was thinking about all imperfections, like stretch marks, which were placed just a few centimetres from where he was kissing her now. His hand was staying on her lower abdomen and he felt her muscles tensed.

''I can kiss you like that all night long and I wouldn't get tired.'' Mac whispered. ''You're skin is like pure silk.'' He moved his mouth to her hip, sucking gently on her hip bone.

''God...'' She pushed her hips up and he felt her relaxing once again beneath his hands. Jo was getting more and more overwhelmed by the feeling of his kisses all over her body. She felt his hand on her inner thigh and instinctively parted her legs, giving him greater access. His caress was soon followed by his feather light kisses placed there. So close to the place she wanted him the most and yet so far away. She rocked her hips a little, begging for more of his touch. Mac smiled and pulled her shorts along with her panties down her legs, throwing them on the floor. Then he placed his hands on her ankles, bending her legs. His hand moved to her feet and he smiled seeing her toenails painted with hot pink polish. Her toes were so tiny, he thought about how cute and sexy they were. He brought her feet to his lips and kissed her toes one at a time, making her gasp. Jo felt a little dizzy at the thought nobody ever had done it to her. He let his fingers caress her ankles and calves, moving slowly up, teasing sensitive skin behind her knees. Then he put his palms against her inner thighs, feeling rush of blood just below the surface of her skin. His fingers started to move higher and higher and finally he touched her where she wanted him the most. She let out a moan of satisfaction and at the same time she felt ashamed at the thought her desire and arousal were so obvious he could easily sense it. As if he was reading her mind he moved his body up, keeping his hand in place. He gently kissed her neck and whispered:

''I love you being like that. Because of me.'' He said and she found it difficult to focus on his words as the touch of his fingers was making her drunk with sensation. It took her a moment but she managed to form words:

''Because of you and for you.'' She whisper breathlessly.

Mac already knew how to touch her. And even if he didn't, her body was giving him perfect tips about what was bringing her closer to the edge. His strokes became more firm and her hips started to rise from the bed to meet his touch. She let go of his tie and grabbed the sheet tightly. His gaze was fixed on her face. Her eyes shut and her lips slightly parted as she was gasping for every breath. He felt her thighs quivered and she tightened around his fingers. Her back arched and she bit on her lower lip, stifling a cry of pleasure. He knew now she wasn't a screaming type, she was rather silent while she climaxed. But yet he wondered if he could make her scream in pleasure as for him it would be a sign she is not keeping back and she got totally lost into a sensation. He was aware that was impossible to achieve without her trusting him completely and feeling comfortable with him in every situation. But he was a patient man and he believed he would make her feel like that sometime.

Before Jo had a chance to come back down from her heaven Mac placed his hands between her back and a mattress and pulled her up, towards him, placing her on his lap, her knees bent at the sides of his legs. He put his arms around her back, holding her tight. She sighed happily, placing her hands on his shoulder and her head in a crook of his neck.

''I want you.'' She whispered close to his ear, then nipped his earlobe, making him groan. ''I want you so much. Please...'' The thought of her begging for him like that made him even harder.

''Keep your eyes open and on mine.'' He whispered back, lifting her a little and adjusting on his lap. Then he pulled her back down, sinking slowly into her. She moaned and fought the urge to close her eyes. He tighten a grip of his hands on her hips and moved her up and down and then in small circle. It was so slow and leisurely she felt every cell of her body screaming for more. If it was up to her, she would ride him fast and deep, coming hard after very short while. But she knew tonight he wanted to show her that climbing can be even more enjoyable than reaching the peak. Her eyes were locked with his. He moved her hips again, changing slightly an angle, hitting just the right spot. Jo gasped and he repeated his action.

''Oh, yes.'' She let out a breathy moan feeling the first wave of pleasure crushing through her body. Mac moaned, feeling her tighten even more around him. Being with her like that was heaven. Tight, wet, hot heaven. She gasped again, clenching her fingers on his shoulders and he slightly quickened the rhythm.

''You're so close, aren't you?'' He asked, his low, harsh voice making her shiver. Jo bit down on her lower lip and slightly nodded. Another wave of pleasure made her whimper softly. He could feel her trembling in his arms and he could see the flash of nervousness in her eyes. ''I'm here, baby. I have you.'' Mac whispered, looking into her eyes. To emphasize his words he pulled her even closer to him. ''Let it go.'' He rocked her hips once more, moving slow and deep. He felt her muscle tighten and was able to see her pupils dilating. She parted her lips and let out a loud moan as she slide into the delicious oblivion of her orgasm. It wrecked through her body so hard she started to shiver violently. He thrust again and again, finding his own release and prolonging hers. She smiled, feeling his body relaxing and buried her face in a crook of his neck, seeking even more of him. He kissed her hair, his fingertips drawing circles on her skin.

''You OK?'' He asked softly. Jo nodded, not sure if she can find words.

''You?'' She whispered.

''Never better.'' Mac answered smiling at her. She wanted to pull away, thinking she is too heavy and he would be uncomfortable. But he didn't let her do that. ''Stay. I need you like that for a moment.'' He whispered.

''OK.'' She whispered back and she placed gentle kiss on his jaw. Their heartbeats slowing down and their breathing coming back to normal. They stay like that for a long while, enjoying the closeness, until he felt her shiver slightly. Mac pressed his lips to her shoulder, feeling that her skin was cold there, so he slowly pushed her back and laid her on the bed, covering her with a sheet. Then he laid down next to her, pulling her in his arms again. He looked at her and smiled.

''What?'' Jo asked. He was able to see in her eyes those playful sparkles he loved so much.

''You know what. You were here.'' He teased.

''Well, not the entire time. You sent me over the moon twice.'' She said giving him a quick look and then turning her gaze away. ''I've never done it... like that.'' Jo said, blushing lightly.

''And you liked it?'' He asked. She forced herself to look at him again and she said:

''Very much.'' She smiled at him. ''I felt safe and protected and...''

''In control?'' Mac asked. She glanced at him, trying to figure out if he was teasing, but he was serious.

''Yeah.'' Jo admitted, taking his hand and started to play with his fingers. ''I love your hands. So strong, but capable to touch so gently.'' He brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed her fingertips. Jo looked at him, her eyes suddenly shiny with tears. ''I wish it could be like that forever.'' Her voice was barely a whisper.

''It can.'' Mac replied simply but she shook her head.

''So many things can happen...'' She started.

''Shhhh. Don't do that.'' He pulled her to his chest. He kissed her head and rocked her in his arms.

And soon the black thoughts were out of her head as she fell into a peaceful slumber.

. . .

Jo woke up two hours later, feeling hungry. She tried to free herself from Mac's embrace without waking him up, but there was no use. He groaned immediately and pulled her to him again.

''Where do you think you're going?" His voice even lower than usual, but his tone playful, making her smile.

''I'm starving.''

''Starving, huh?'' He said sleepily nuzzling her neck. ''It's 2 am.''

''You didn't let me eat anything, remember?''

''I'm sorry for that.'' He mumbled between kissing her.

''No, you're not.'' She laughed.

''You're right, I'm not.'' He laughed as well. She pulled away again and this time he loosen up his grip on her. Jo moved to the edge of the bed and grabbed some piece of clothing from the floor. She turned around hearing him groaning.

''Don't get dress.''

''I can't be going around completely nude, can I?'' Jo asked, rising her eyebrow at him. Mac grinned widely, letting her know he had totally different opinion on that subject. She rolled her eyes and put on his shirt, rolling up sleeves and fastened only a few buttons. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, enjoying his smell enveloping her body. Then she stood up and headed to the kitchen. His shirt was just long enough to cover her buttocks. She quickly glanced over her shoulder checking if he was looking and she smirked seeing that he was. She swayed her hips slightly as she walked away, just for his benefit.

''Don't be long.'' Mac asked, falling back on the pillows. He rolled to her side and hugged her pillow, burying his face in it and inhaling her scent. _How it is even possible that I miss her after like three minutes? That's crazy!_ He thought.

She was back quickly, holding a bowl with a salad, plate with a baguette cut into slices and a bottle of water. She was just about to sit down at the side of bed when she said:

''Oh, I brought only one fork.'' She tried to stand up again, but he stopped her.

''We'll manage.''

''OK.'' Jo smiled. ''But maybe you want something else?''

''I could think about something...'' Mac said dreamily, while his fingers were caressing her bare thigh. She smacked his shoulder playfully.

''I mean for eat, Mac.''

''I'm good.'' He smiled, reaching for a fork and a slice of baguette. He slain a cherry tomato and some lettuce on the fork and slowly moved it towards her mouth, offering her a bite. She took it, agreeing on being feed by him.

''When Ellie's coming back from a camp?'' He asked, before biting a slice of baguette.

''Tomorrow. I have to pick her up at 9 pm from a bus station.''

''You want me to come with you?'' He asked, offering her another bite, but this time she didn't take it, studying his face instead.

''If you want...''

''I do.'' He answered and she finally took a bite. He reached over tucking the strands of hair behind her ear.

''Oh, but...''

''You haven't told her about... us?'' He figured.

''Yeah. I didn't want to do that on the phone.''

''That's OK. I'll behave then.'' He smiled. And she smiled back, only her smile started to fade away quickly as she started to think about how will Ellie react to the news. And she would be only the first one to know. Then come their team, Tyler and Russ... not to mention Sinclair, who they would have to tell some day after all. _Oh God, what mess I had put myself into._ She thought.

. . .

**A/N So I've just read it again and realised it is actually one long love scene... No action at all, just pure smut and fluff. Sorry for that, but I guess it's because I was in Germany for a week, slightly bored... so go figured :D But I promise next chapter will be better as I'm planning on writing about Mac and Ellie spending time together. **

**As always all reviews are very appreciated!**


	10. Rabbit heart

. . .

Jo left Mac's place very early in the morning in order to have a chance of stepping into her place and change before work. He showed up first in the department and now he was sitting in his office trying to focus on the papers. But it was extremely hard as he was checking his watch every two minutes and glancing on the elevator. It was only three hours since she left him and he was already dying to see her again. He mentally kicked himself for being so sentimental. _I had to lost my mind._ He thought. _It's totally crazy! I can't be so addicted to her. We're not together on the regular basis, I should be happy with every minute she spends with me and not expect she will be at my side 24/7. _But there was a truth in a proverb that the _appetite grows_ while one eats. He was trying to convince himself that it is irrational to miss her like that. But he could do nothing about it, as it was his heart that was aching for her and didn't want to listen to his rational mind. He wanted to take care of her, to feel needed, to life for someone else, not only for himself and his work.

Knocking on the door tore him out of his thoughts.

''Hi, boss.'' Lindsay said.

''Hello.''

''We run those fingerprints through AFIS and we got a hit. Sheldon and Flack are on their way to the place where suspect lives.''

''I thought you said yesterday it couldn't be done as there were only partials.'' Mac rose his eyebrow on her.

''Yeah, but many of them.'' She grinned. ''After a while I did recall why I used to hate puzzles as a kid.'' Lindsay winced and Mac laughed.

''Good job, Lindsay.''

''Tell me about it! I've stayed till midnight yesterday. I was the last one to leave the lab.'' She emphasize 'the last one' part, studying him closely. But damn! he and his poker face. She couldn't read anything out of it. But suddenly he looked over her shoulder and his face lighten up. It was so unusual seeing him like that. His features relaxed and his eyes shiny. She could even swear there was a light smile that crawled on his lips. She smirked as well. _Let me guess... _She thought, turning around and looking whose appearance made Mac so happy. _...of course, Jo. _She smiled widely.

Jo got out from the elevator and headed to Mac's office.

''Hey there!'' She greeted Lindsay and Mac. She frowned her eyebrows a little seeing Mac's making sheep's eyes at her. His admiration for her so obvious, written in capitals all over his face. It would be very flattering if not the fact that Lindsay was a woman and Jo was pretty sure she would be able to read it without any difficulty. ''What's up, Linds?'' She asked, trying to divert her attention from Mac's look and giving him a chance to compose himself.

''Not much. Sid's wanted me to let you know that he is waiting for you in autopsy.''

''Oh, OK. I'll just leave a bag and a jacket in our office and I'm going to meet him.''

''You can leave it here.'' Mac said. _How cunningly! _Lindsay thought trying not to smile. _Then she will have to pop in again in order to grab it back. _

''OK.'' Jo said slowly, putting her bag on the chair and pulling off her jacket. ''So I'm going.''

_One... Two... Three... _Lindsay counted in mind.

''You know what?'' Mac asked. _There he is! _Lindsay thought. "I have to go down and ask Sid about something anyway, so I can go with you now.'' He offered.

_Oh my God! They are so utterly cute together! _Lindsay almost melted. _Do they really think one cannot see that they are totally into each other?_

"OK. So let's go.'' Jo said and they left, leaving Lindsay in Mac's office, heading for an elevator. Lindsay almost run to the lab.

''Daaaaannny!'' She called him, trying to be as quiet as possible, but it was still a little too loud.

''What is it?'' He froze for a moment, but seeing her all excited and smiling calmed him down again. She stopped, bumping lightly into him and grabbing his arm. ''Where's the fire, hun?'' He asked smiling at her.

''I know something and I soooo have to share it with you!'' She said, trying to keep her voice down.

''About the case?'' Danny asked, rising his eyebrows at her.

''Forget the case! It's about Mac and Jo.'' She whispered.

''What about 'em?'' He asked. Seeing her like that was making him smile unconsciously.

''They're together.'' She announced proud of herself.

''That can't be.'' Danny chuckled. ''You have overactive imagination, Linds.'' She looked at him, disappointed with his reaction.

''Honestly, can't you see it? They are totally into each other!''

''OK, they get along pretty good, but being together? You mean like romantically involved?'' He asked and she rolled her eyes.

''You need a definition? There is definitely something going on between them.'' She stated firmly.

''I agree. They're good friends.''

''Noooo.'' Lindsay groaned. ''More than that.''

''OK. Why do you think so?'' He asked, trusting that his wife observation was based on some facts, not only this undefined thing she used to call 'women's intuition'.

''They used to tease each other a lot, but now suddenly they don't do that anymore.''

''Hmm.'' Danny thought that was quite right.

''And all the tension is gone, now they only look at each other with those dreamy eyes and send each other insinuating smiles. Like they have a secret. What's even more, Mac looks more rested and relaxed. And he doesn't spend so much time at work.''

''That's kinda true.'' Danny agreed. ''And Jo looks good, too. Like glowing.''

''Oh yeah.'' Lindsay threw him a sexy smile and he got her suggestion immediately.

''You can't be serious! You think they are doing that?''

''Either they've already done or they are just about to.''

''Jeeez. Really? Our boss and his second in command?'' Danny frown at the thought. ''Naaah. Mac would never do that. It's kinda unprofessional.''

''You're saying?'' Lindsay smirked at his comment. ''We both know that if it comes to that matter, there is no rule. I used to swear to myself I'd never mix up work and private life and yet I ended up with you.'' She teased making him laugh.

''You've got the point here.'' Then he became silent.

''What are you thinking about?'' She asked after a few seconds.

''That's good. Even despite all inconveniences, that's still pretty great. Jo's gorgeous. And Mac? He's the finest man I know and he really should have someone.''

''Yeah, I think they make a perfect match.'' She sighed.

. . .

Jo closed a file and threw it on the pile on her desk. It slipped on the floor, pulling a few others, but she didn't notice. Today was the strangest day at work since her first day here. She had an odd feeling that some members of the team acted really bizarre. Especially Danny. She caught him staring at her several times and even asked what was it all about, but he just changed the subject. And Lindsay? She started to giggle a few times without any reason, driving Jo crazy. They were definitely up to something and during the whole day Jo was very careful in order not to become the victim of some practical joke. She glanced at her watch. It was already 7 pm. She had to leave soon if she wanted to pick Ellie up on time. She left her office and went towards the elevator, glancing at Mac's office. He was still busy, talking on the phone. But he did say he wanted to come with her, so she decided to step into his office and at least tell him she's leaving. She knocked on his door and entered, seeing him smiling as he saw her.

''Yes.''

''…''

''Of course. That's understandable.''

''…''

''Errr. Can I call you back later? I have kid of emergency here.'' Mac said and Jo rose her eyebrows.

''…''

''OK, then tomorrow.'' He said and ended his conversation. ''We're going?'' He asked, standing up and grabbing his jacket.

''I thought...'' She started but then she shook her head. ''Never mind. Let's go.'' She smiled. He put his hand on the small of her back, directing her towards the elevator. She wondered how it was possible that even after making love to him she was still getting captivated by this small gesture every single time he did it. When the door closed behind them he turned towards her and put his hand on her neck, behind her ear.

''Finally.'' He whispered and kissed her softly. His mouth was so soft and hot she couldn't stop herself from letting out a quiet moan. ''I was thinking whole day about doing it.'' He said and kissed her again, quicker this time as they were almost on the parking level. She headed left, to her car and he headed right to his. They both froze, realizing they have to go separately.

''I need a car to drive home with Ellie and to work tomorrow.'' Jo said.

''Can't we drive mine? I can give you a lift home.'' Mac offered, not wanting them to go separately.

''And tomorrow? I have to drop Ellie to school and come here.''

''Maybe... I can come to your place early in the morning and give you a lift to work? Ellie's school is on the way.'' He said. ''Or it would be awkward for her?'' He asked.

''Awkward or not, she has to get used to you.'' Jo smiled. ''OK, let's go with your car.''

. . .

''Hi, honey!'' Jo panted breathlessly as tiny hands hugged her waist tightly.

''Hi, mom.'' Ellie looked up at her. ''I really missed you.''

''I missed you, too.'' Jo said, stroking her hair. Mac watched them from a little distance thinking how very sweet they looked together. ''That's your bag?'' Jo asked and Ellie finally let go of her. The guy who was pulling bags from the bus trunk had just laid on the pavement the pink one.

''Yup, that's mine.'' Ellie said and grabbed it.

''Need some help with that?'' Mac said and gently took the bag from her. Ellie made a funny 'what the hell' face, making Jo laugh. ''Hi there, Ellie.'' He said smiling at her.

''Hi, Mac.'' She smiled back. ''So...'' She glanced at Jo, who suddenly felt uneasy. This 'so' was pretty significant, or maybe it was only her imagination? ''I'm starving!'' She exclaimed, making Mac chuckle. He heard the same statement not so long ago. Ellie and Jo might differ in appearance, but if it came to character and behaviour they were pretty much similar.

''Oh.'' Jo gasped, remembering that she hadn't done any shopping and their fridge was rather empty.

''I have an idea.'' Mac said. ''Let's go grab some burgers.'' He offered. Jo rose her eyebrow at him. Was he trying to pay court to Ellie? ''What?'' He asked, seeing Jo's expression. ''I just don't want to skip the opportunity of having a dinner with two lovely ladies.''

''Yay!'' Ellie squealed with delight. ''I'm totally with you on that one, Mac!''

_Oh, he is not only trying! He actually is doing that and Ellie seems to love it._ Jo thought.

''So let's go.'' He said, putting his hand around Jo's waist. He sensed she tensed a little, gazing quickly on Ellie, but she didn't notice anything, already chatting to Jo about the camp.

. . .

They were sitting in Ellie's favourite restaurant for half an hour now, eating, laughing and chatting about everything. Ellie was dying to share everything about the camp with her mom, but she also seemed to enjoy Mac's presence, as he was making jokes and funny comments on her stories. Suddenly Jo's phone started to ring.

''It's Tyler.'' She said to Mac and Ellie. ''Hi, honey!''

''…''

''I can't quite hear you... Will you wait a second?'' She said to Tyler and then turned to Mac and Ellie:

''I have to go outside, here's too noisy.'' She said and rose from the table, heading for the door.

''So...'' Ellie said between devouring some fries and Mac tensed a little, knowing she was just about to shoot him with question. ''What's between you and my mom?'' She asked openly, without beating around the bush.

''Well...'' Mac took a deep breath, glancing at the door. There was no sign of Jo coming back and no chance for him to avoid this question. ''I like your mom very much.''

''Is there another one you like more?'' Ellie asked and he shifted a little in his seat. _God, she was good!_ He thought._ How it is possible that twelve-year-old seems to investigate me, the head of NY crime lab?_

''Errr, no. I like your mom the most.'' He admitted, feeling more than stupid.

''Good.'' She said looking directly into his eyes and somehow he found himself sighing with relief. ''So now you're dating or what?'' She shot another question.

''Yeah, you can say that.'' Mac answered, hoping that the next question wouldn't be about if they already had slept together, because that would be highly awkward.

''She seems happy.'' Ellie stated simply and took a sip of her soda. ''Happier then she was when I left for a camp, that's for sure.'' She smiled, letting him know she was thinking he was the reason of that. Mac shyly returned the smile.

''So... you have nothing against your mom being happy?'' He knew that question was very tricky, but yet she seemed she didn't mind that.

''I actually like you.'' She said, leaning back on her seat. ''You seem... legit.''

''Legit?'' He chuckled. ''Isn't it like an old-fashioned synonym for 'cool'?'' He asked smiling.

''I guess...''

''So you think I'm cool?'' Mac asked, relaxing a little.

''I said 'legit'.'' She said, looking obstinately into his eyes. ''However, if you hurt my mom or make her sad, I will easily change my opinion.'' She said and he thought she didn't at all sound like a twelve-years-old. But it was understandable. For a long time she and Tyler were the only ones in Jo's life to take care of her. And now, when Tyler was in college Ellie felt obliged to do that job. She might had still be a kid, but if it came to Jo's relationships, she was very mature and very protective.

''Of course.'' Mac answered. So it seemed he had Ellie as his ally. At least for now.

''Sorry for that.'' Jo said, sitting back at the table. ''What have you guys been talking about?'' She asked, stealing Mac's fries.

''You, actually.'' Mac said.

''Oh?'' Jo glanced at Mac, then at Ellie.

''Yeah, we discovered there is at least one thing that we have in common.'' Mac said, winking at Ellie.

''Which is?''

''We both like you very much.'' Ellie said, mocking a little at the 'like' word, letting Mac know she didn't buy his crippled version and she knew there was more than likening there. Jo turned to Mac then to Ellie again, totally confused.

''Huh?''

''I'm going to get some ketchup.'' Ellie said, standing up. Then she put her palms on the table and leaned over it, facing them both. ''Now you can kiss.'' She whispered and moved away, heading towards the nearest waiter.

''Ellie!'' Jo gasped looking at Mac who was laughing.

. . .

''It's good to be home, isn't it?'' Jo asked as Ellie threw herself on the couch, sighing happily.

''It is.'' She agreed. ''But the camp was pretty awesome, too.'' Jo sit in the corner of the couch, letting Ellie's head stay on her lap.

''I don't want you to spend rest of the summer in the city.'' She stroked her hair. ''I know you have to stay for two weeks now because of the soccer practice, but then you could leave to Virginia, to grandma.'' Ellie stayed silent. ''You don't want to?''

''It's not that. I just...''

''What?''

''I'm thinking I should stay with you.'' Ellie looked up at her with her big brown eyes.

''With me?'' Jo smiled lightly. ''Why?''

''It's kinda happening a lot recently, isn't it?''

''You mean... with Mac?'' Jo asked.

''Yeah.''

''Oh, Ellie.'' She smiled and stroked her hair again. ''It's... not big deal.'' She said, but she didn't sound convincing.

''It isn't?'' Ellie studied her face closely. ''It doesn't seem like that for Mac.''

''I guess you're right.'' Jo said quietly, feeling more than guilty.

''He's a nice guy, mom.''

''I know that, Ellie.''

''He could take good care of you.''

''You really think I need it? I'm not that old, you know.'' Jo joked, but Ellie stayed serious. She pulled up, sitting next to her mother and facing her. For a moment she was silent, then she looked directly into Jo's eyes.

''You won't let him do that, will you?''

''I won't let him do what?'' Jo asked trying to follow.

''Take care of you.'' Ellie said quietly.

''Oh, honey...'' Jo pulled Ellie into hug.

''I know you. You won't let him do that.'' Ellie repeated. Jo wanted to deny it, but couldn't find her voice. _And what if Ellie's right? _She thought and felt some ache gripping at her heart.

''It's not like that...''

''It is like that. Even with Tyler's father. When he is close you're like... curling inside yourself.''

''Now that's different and you know that.'' Jo said and Ellie could feel her body tensed.

''But he does make you happy, right? Mac, I mean.''

''Yes, he does.'' She answered without any hesitation. ''Very happy.'' She added smiling to her thoughts.

''So why...'' Ellie started, but Jo interrupted her, suddenly annoyed with this conversation.

''Because. It's who I am. I can't help it. OK?'' She tried not to sound too angry. She pulled away and stand up. ''I'm going to sleep. You should go too.'' Jo was about to leave the room when she heard Ellie saying:

''Mom, just promise me you'll try.'' Jo sighed.

''I will.'' She said, partly to Ellie, partly to herself. ''But I can't promise I will succeed.'' She added.

''If you won't with him, then I don't think you will with anyone else.'' Ellie said, looking sadly at her mom. Jo seemed struck hard with an accuracy of this statement.

''I guess you're right.'' She said and left the room.

. . .

**A/N I was supposed to study today as I have exam on Spanish in 6 hours, so of course I felt like writing. It's not long, but at least more varied than the last one. Mostly conversations, but I need them to build up this story, as I have a real plan how to develop it (now that's surprising, isn't it? as it seemed like there is only some random mix of fluff and smut :D). I don't know if Ellie's not OCC, being too mature. I hope not, but if anyone finds this unreal, sorry for that. I just needed someone to have this conversation at the end with Jo, it couldn't be Mac and Ellie seemed perfect, despite her age.**

** Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I love to get your feedback and if any idea pops into your head about how to make this story better, please don't hesitate to let me know.**


	11. No light, no light

. . .

Jo was tossing and turning restlessly between the sheets for hours now, going over and over again the same nightmare. It was so hot and stuffy around her, she found herself fighting for every breath. Her body was covered with a layer of cold sweet, making the sheets clung to her and despite feeling very hot she was trembling. She was trying to reach him. She could hear his voice, but couldn't see him. Her body was heavy and she couldn't move. Tremendous fear was overcoming her and she was paralysed by it. With great effort she stretched her hand, seeking him, but there was only darkness surrounding her. She felt a lump forming in her throat. She wanted to cry for him, make him come back, but her lips couldn't utter a word. Big, warm tears started to roll down her cheeks as she couldn't bear the pain that was stubbing into every fibre of her body. She wanted to die only to make the feeling stop.

She woke up gasping for air and shaking violently. Her face was already wet with tears so she didn't even feel the new ones that had occurred. She buried her face into pillow trying to stifle her own sobs that was now involuntarily escaping her mouth. She felt totally heartbroken. She wanted someone to hold her. No, she wanted him to take her in his arms, rock her and lull her to sleep. But he wasn't there. And the thought that she could reach her phone, press only one key and call him, asking him to come over her was breaking her heart even more. She knew he would comply and it would be a matter of several minutes to have him by her side. But she couldn't do that, despite the fact she wanted it. She couldn't show her weakness, couldn't depend on him like that. Couldn't let him know she needed him so badly. She curl into a ball, dragging knees to her chest and hugging herself. She closed her eyes. She imagined his arms around her trembling body, his hands caressing her skin, his voice low and reassuring in her ear, calming her. It was soothing and she finally felt her panic gradually subsided.

_. . ._

''Mom! Doorbell!'' Ellie yelled from her room. Jo was standing in the kitchen, drinking coffee and so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even hear it.

''I got it.'' She rushed for the door and opened it for Mac.

''Morning, beautiful.'' Mac smiled and kissed her head.

''Hi.'' She answered. He looked at her closely as she sounded somehow gloomy. She seemed tired and sleepy, her eyes red and puffy.

''What's wrong?'' He asked and she could sense slight concern in his voice. ___How can he tell only after my one word?_ She wondered.

''Nothing.'' She said, walking to the kitchen. Mac followed her. He placed a paper bag on the counter and moved towards her.

''Jo...''

''I'm just... not feeling very well.'' She admitted reluctantly.

''Let me check.'' He muttered and placed his hand on her forehead. She felt a nice warmth near her heart but yet at the same time his gesture irritated her, making her feel like a helpless child.

''Mac... I don't have a fever. I just... couldn't sleep and I feel a bit tired.'' She turned around and set a coffee maker. ''You want some coffee?''

''Yes, please.'' Mac answered automatically. ''It was hard for me to sleep either.'' He said. ''Without you in my arms.'' He added, putting his arms around Jo's waist and hugging her from behind. It was nice gesture but somehow she couldn't relax. ___How it's possible that a few hours ago I was missing him so much it hurt and now I can't enjoy his closeness? _Jo wondered. She grabbed a jug with boiling milk and started to pour it in the mugs. ''You don't like me anymore?'' He whispered against her ear, half playfully, half seriously. Her hands trembled and the jug slipped from her hand. She hissed in pain as hot liquid made a contact with her skin. Mac instantly let go of her, grabbing her forearm and dragging her towards the sink. He turned cold water on and put Jo's inner wrist under the spray.

''I'm sorry.'' She mumbled. ''I'm such a mess.'' She looked at him. He was so calm and composed, quite the opposite of her today's shakiness. He was like a solid rock she could lean on in the moments like that. It was so good to have him around. He saw her teary gaze and said:

''Hey... it's not that bad.'' Mac looked down at her wrist. He could see the redness but there was no blister or any other damage. ''It still hurts?'' He asked and she shook her head. ''So what is it?'' He knew something was definitely wrong. She didn't even smiled once at him since he came. Jo reached with her free hand and turned off the water.

''It's OK.'' She said. He was just about to say something more when Ellie entered the kitchen.

''Hi, Mac.'' She smiled at him. ''Mom, you're making cocoa?'' She asked.

''Yes.'' Jo answered and moved to the jug again.

''Let me do that.'' Mac said. ''Here, take this.'' He handed her a mug with coffee. ''Be careful, it's hot.'' He joked, making her roll her eyes.

''Yaaaay! Muffins!'' Ellie exclaimed looking into the bag Mac brought. She got one with blueberries and hungrily bit into it.

''Ellie, could you at least use a plate?'' Jo scolded her and Ellie frowned a little, noticing her mom's uneasiness.

''Mom, those are great, you have to try.''

''Maybe later, I'm not hungry now.'' Jo said, but Ellie wasn't quite listening, checking inside the bag if there are some others.

''I have an idea!'' Ellie said between bites. ''How about you come everyday in the morning and bring us those, Mac?'' Ellie offered laughing. ''Mom usually doesn't have time in the morning and I end up with breakfast from school canteen.'' She wrinkled her nose, taking another bite of the second muffin. ''I could totally get used to it.'' She moaned, making Mac smile. ''If you're riser and don't mind going for them every morning I would fully support the idea of you moving in with us.'' She added. Mac was really amused with her enthusiasm towards muffins and a little touched with her enthusiasm towards him. He smiled at her last comment, but his smile rapidly faded away when he glanced at Jo. She looked truly terrified by that thought.

. . .

It was still dark when Mac woke up. The very first thing he sensed was the warmth of Jo's body pressed against his. He sneaked his arms around her waist and hugged her, breathing in her sweet smell. It was the best feeling on earth, holding her while she slept so peacefully. Such moments like that were very precious to him, as he had a feeling she is truly his then. Her mind was shut off and there was nothing holding her back. She stirred a little and snuggled her head into crook of his neck, seeking more of his warmth. He gently stroked her hair and she sighed. He felt her hands moving leisurely across his back and he knew she was almost awake. He looked down at her face, seeing her opening her eyes, her gaze hazy and unfocused.

''Hi.'' Mac whispered and she blinked several times, trying to get rid of the sleep in her eyes.

''What time is it?'' Jo asked.

''It's still early. 3.45 am.'' He answered. He wanted to stay like that as long as possible, but she moved away.

''I have to go.''

''Not yet.'' Mac groaned pulling her back into his embrace.

''I can't oversleep. I have to pick up Ellie from Juliette's and give her a ride to school. Then I have to step into my place in order to change before work.'' Jo sat up on the edge of the bed, looking around the floor and trying to localize her clothes. Then she glanced back at him. ''Umm... could you...?''

He rose his eyebrow at her._ Is she really asking me for that?_ He thought. ''Never mind.'' She added quickly, seeing his surprised look. He rolled over closer to her and put his hand on her thigh, letting his fingers caress her skin.

''Really?'' He asked. She turned to face him.

''What?'' She asked even she knew very well what he was referring to.

''I've already seen every part of you...'' She blushed and interrupted him.

''It's different. I just don't feel comfortable walking around naked...''

''In front of me.'' He finished for her.

''In general.'' She clarified placing quick kiss on his lips and stepping out of bed. She picked up her cloths and headed to the bathroom. Mac leaned back on pillows, closing his eyes and rubbing them with his knuckles. Last few days Jo had been really giving him a headache. He thought she should feel more and more comfortable around him, but there was something still not right. And she was refusing to talk about it. Every time he was getting closer to her she was moving back. And he was running out of ideas how to reach her. He stand up and moved to the bathroom doors which were slightly ajar.

''You wouldn't have to run out from here so early if you bring some cloths and other stuff to my place, you know?'' He said. She went out of the bathroom almost dressed up, buttoning her shirt.

''It's not big deal.'' She said, trying to pass next him, but he leaned over the door frame, blocking her exit.

''I think it is.'' Mac said. ''You don't want to do that, because otherwise you have a perfect excuse for leaving me exactly when you want.''

''It's not like that...'' Jo tried to explain, but he didn't let her.

''I think it's kinda sad that I want to spend every minute with you and you don't feel the same.'' His honesty made her melt. She placed her hand on his cheek, gently touching his skin.

''You know that's not true.''

''Isn't it? So why don't you move in with me?'' Mac asked. He felt her hand froze on his cheek.

''Move in with you? Here?''

''Yes. My place is bigger. It's closer to the department and to Ellie's school.''

_Oh my God, he has it all planned already._ She thought and she felt sudden rush of panic.

''I don't think it's a good idea.'' She said quickly and pulled away her hand. ''It's too soon.''

''Too soon? It's not like we know each other for a month or two.''

''I know, but still...''

He could sense she was starting to get nervous.

''Jo. Why don't you want to take it to the next level?'' He asked openly. Her heart started to beat like crazy and thoughts started to race through her head. _What should I say?_

''Mac, I can't have this conversation now.'' She said, trying to pass next him again, but he stopped her, grabbing her arms.

''Stop running away from me, Jo. Don't shut me out. I'm playing with open cards here, but it won't work if you keep doing that.'' Mac said, trying to be as calm as possible. ''I have to know that you want us being together.''

''I do.'' She admitted quickly. ''But...'' She hesitated. He groaned._ She is driving me crazy!_ He thought. _Why she just can't be honest with me?_

''Of course, if it comes to you, there's always some 'but'.'' He said, sounding a little too angry than he wanted to. She looked up directly into his eyes.

''Well, yes, that's me. I'm really sorry for being myself.'' She spat out sarcastically and pushed him to the side, going out of the bathroom. She hastened to the living room and grabbed her phone from the table, throwing it angrily in the bag. He was right behind her ''I've already told you. You shouldn't fall for me!'' She added furiously.

''Why are you doing that?'' He asked, feeling his anger started to rise. ''Why are you hurting yourself and me as well?''

''Because you're pushing me!'' She yelled in frustration. ''And that's what I can't stand!''

''I am pushing you? I tried to be as patient as possible.'' She felt sudden rush of blood through her body. He was right. He hadn't done anything wrong, it was her who was ruining it. She felt tears circling her eyes. She had to be out of here before she would break.

''I can't have this conversation now.'' She said quietly, her voice shaky. She slipped into her shoes and run out of his apartment. He didn't try to stop her, he knew there was no use. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, feeling both angry at her and worried about her.

''Damn you, Jo.'' He whispered.

. . .

Jo knew she should cool off before getting into a car, but she wanted to be out of Mac's place as soon as possible. She pressed gas pedal harder, making a quick turn and heading towards main road. She gripped steering wheel tighter in order to stop her hands from shaking. She didn't even feel tears that were going down her cheeks, but she did felt the stung of her smudged mascara that got into her eye.

''Oh, for God's sake...'' She murmured, trying to remove it, but rubbing it like crazy only made it worse. The music coming from the speakers was irritating her even more. It was a song from the CD Ellie was listening over and over again. Jo tried to focus on the road, but somehow lyrics of the song caught her attention:

_You want a revelation,_  
_You want to get it right_  
_But, it's a conversation,_  
_I just can't have tonight_

Some woman with a strong voice was singing with power and it was making Jo feel even more uneasy. She rubbed her eyes again, trying to clear up her vision as she made a sharp turn into a narrow street.

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes_  
_I never knew daylight could be so violent_  
_A revelation in the light of day,_  
_You can't choose what stays and what fades away_

''You gonna be kidding me!'' She couldn't believe that the lyrics were so accurate. And it was driving her crazy as she was getting more and more aware of her own actions. She shouldn't run away from him, she could tell him how she felt. She was almost sure he would understand. But instead of that she led him to the breaking point. She hadn't ever seen him that angry and she knew it was because of her. But when he started to ask about moving in together, when he wanted some declaration from her, she felt like a wild animal trapped in a small cage. She looked down, trying to turn off the music, frantically pushing all buttons. She glanced on the road and made another turn. Instantly she realized that she drove with excessive speed to do that. She felt car's back skidding. She cursed loudly and pressed hard on the break, trying to take off a bit of steering. But it was too late. She lost control of the car, which was now skidding across the road, finally plowing into a metal barrier. The impact was forceful enough for the airbag to deploy, but as it was side impact, Jo hit her head hard against the door pillar and lost consciousness.

. . .

First time in a long while Mac thought it was really good that the morning in work was busy, as it kept him from thinking about Jo. He hadn't seen her since she left his apartment in the middle of the night. He was guessing she came to work when he was at the autopsy and since then she probably was sitting in her office. It was fine with him, as he wasn't sure if he wanted to see her anyway. He was still very angry – not about the things she said, but rather about the fact she said them in order to push him away. He knew it was somehow her tactic. She was stabbing with words trying to avoid being hurt herself in the first place. Thinking about what she said to him like that was making it hurt a little less, but still, thinking about her slipping through his hands was hurting even more. He finished to fill up another folder when he heard some commotion in the hall. He was able to hear Danny's raised voice and... Jo's name? He stood up quickly and headed out of his office. The image he saw in the hall made his heart skip a beat. Danny was kneeling on the floor, leaning over Jo, who was lying motionlessly in the middle of the hall. He was able to see people peeking out from their offices and corridor, but he didn't care. In a few swift movements he was beside them.

''What happened?'' He asked.

''No idea.'' Danny answered. ''I saw Jo collapsing to the floor. I think she passed out.''

''Jo.'' Mac said, gently touching her cheek. ''Call Sheldon, Danny.''

''OK.'' Danny rose from his knees and moved away slightly, making a call.

''Jo...'' Mac tried again and sighed with relief seeing her opening her eyes. She tried to lift herself, but he stopped her. ''Easy there.'' He saw her sinking back to the floor and closing her eyes again. ''Jo, what is it?''

''I feel dizzy.'' She groaned. She felt Mac's arms lifting her in the air. He scooped her up from the floor and carried her to his office, gently lowering on the coach. Danny was just behind him.

''Sheldon will be here in a minute. He's just downstairs.''

''OK.'' Mac glanced through the glass door, seeing many of curious stares from other workers. ''Tell them to go back to work, will you?'' He murmured. Danny nodded and left his office. Mac knelt beside the sofa. He moved away strand of hair from her forehead and frown seeing a nasty bruise just near her left temple. ''Jo, what happened?'' He asked. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

''I just fainted.'' She tried to sit up, but his hand was on her shoulder, preventing her from doing that.

''Don't get up. I want Sheldon to check on you first.''

''I'm fine.'' She groaned and jerked away a little. Her blouse moved off her shoulder. Mac was able to see some redness between her shoulder and her neck. He tug on the hem of her shirt, revealing more of the bruise, which seemed to be going across her chest.

''You've had a car accident.'' He realized. ''When did it happen?''

''Yesterday.'' She mumbled. He wanted to say something more, but was interrupted by Sheldon, who entered the office.

''What's going on?'' Sheldon asked, then saw Jo's lying on Mac's couch. ''Jo, You OK?'' Mac didn't let her answer.

''She had a car accident. She hit her head. I think she has a concussion.'' Sheldon moved towards her and skilfully checked her pupils.

''Did you lost consciousness?''

''Yes.''

''For how long?''

''I don't know... couple of minutes, I guess.''

''How's you vision?''

''Emm... a little blurry.'' Jo admitted. ''And yes, I do feel sick.'' She added, anticipating his next question.

''It's definitely a concussion. And it's not a light one.'' Sheldon diagnosed. ''You should see a doctor, Jo.''

''That's what I'm doing right now, aren't I?'' She groaned. ''Don't overreact, guys. It's not the first time when I was knocked out, you know.'' She tried to calm them down. ''I feel much better now.'' She said, standing up quickly. She faltered slightly and closed her eyes. She would fall again if not Mac's hands on her waist, steadying her.

''Jo!'' She was able to hear Mac's worried voice, but couldn't make herself open her eyes.

''The room is spinning...'' She whispered and felt herself being sat on the couch.

''I think we should take her to the hospital.'' Sheldon said.

''No way. I'm not going anywhere. It will pass in a couple of minutes.'' She argued and Mac pressed his lips together in order not to yell at her stubbornness.

''If you don't want to go to the hospital, then at least you should go home and rest.'' Sheldon tried again and Mac smiled. It was clever. There was a chance she would make such deal. ''Is there anyone you can call to stay with you? You shouldn't be alone for next 24 hours.''

''I guess not.'' Jo sighed. ''Tyler is out of the city with some friends and Ellie's at school. I have to pick her up at 5 pm.''

''There is no chance you will be driving in this state.'' Mac ordered firmly. ''I'm driving you home and I'll stay with you.'' He stated.

_. . ._

**A/N: Hey there! So I'm posting it from Budapest, when I'm staying for two weeks from today, studying, sightseeing, enjoying international company and beautiful city ;)**

**I hope you're not fed up with Jo's angst already. There is not so much action again in this chapter, but I wanted to show how she's slipping through Mac's hands and how sometimes one small incident can bring very unpleasant consequences - classic snowball effect. I'm planning on writing now some sweet chapter about how Mac is taking care of Jo._  
_**

**Many thanks to CBubblesNY who wrote the review about posting wrong chapter - I fixed it immediately. I guess that posting during the lecture wasn't that good idea after all ;)  
**

**Thanks for all reviews! I really love to know if you like it or not. And if not, maybe you have some idea how to make this story better.  
**

**Kisses!  
**


	12. Landscape

. . .

Mac was sure Jo wasn't feeling good as she hadn't argued on being drive home. The whole way she remained silent. She closed her eyes and leaned back in the seat. When they arrived at her place he opened the door for her and she went straight to the couch, laying on it and closing her eyes.

''Jo, do you have any painkillers at home? Sheldon said you should take some.'' Mac said and she opened her eyes.

''Yeah, I do. In the kitchen.'' She answered and sighed. Then she curled into a ball and brought her hands to her stomach.

''What is it?'' He asked concerned.

''I feel nauseous.'' Jo groaned. Mac sat on the couch near her and stroked her hair lightly.

''Maybe you should drink something.'' He offered but she shook her head. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes. Mac thought she fall asleep, but suddenly her eyes flashed opened and she jumped on to her feet and rushed to the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her. He gave her few minutes and followed after her. He entered the bathroom, finding her sitting on the floor next to the toilet, her head rested on her hands. She looked very pale and she kept her eyes closed.

''Don't come in.'' She moaned, but he ignored her. He grabbed a small towel and soaked it in cold water. Then he knelt beside her, he brushed her hair back and held it up. He gently put a wet towel on the back of her neck. She jerked a little, but he held her still. He made her stay like that for a couple of minutes.

''You want me to wet it again?'' He asked.

''No, thanks. I feel better now.'' She answered. She tried to stand up, so he held her tight on the waist, helping her and steadying her. He pulled her towards the door but she resisted.

''I have to brush my teeth.'' She leant over the sink, but he didn't let her go. ''Mac, I'll manage.''

''OK.'' He reluctantly moved away his hands. He leant across the door frame, watching her brush her teeth. Then he moved away, letting her exit the bathroom, staying very close to her all the time in case she would feel dizzy again. He thought she would climb into her bed, but instead of that she went to the living room and sat down on the couch. He brought her two painkillers and a glass of water from the kitchen.

''Here, take this.'' When she did he took a glass from her hand and put it on the table. ''Now lay down.'' He knew she wasn't feeling well as she wasn't arguing on everything he told her to do. She curled into a ball again, resting her head on the armrest. He crouched beside her. ''You think you can stay alone for an half of hour? I'm going to pick up Ellie.'' He said and she nodded.

''I'll be fine.'' She said, closing her eyes. He stood up and looked at her for a while. She seemed sad and somehow broken. He felt guilty, thinking it was his fault. He had upset her last night and that was the reason she caused the accident. Thank God nothing worse had happened to her.

. . .

When Mac came back with Ellie the very first thing she did was drop her backpack in the middle of the room, rush towards the couch and kneel down.

''Mom?'' She whispered, but there was no response. Ellie looked up at Mac, her eyes big and shiny with tears which were threatening to run down her face any moment now.

''She's sleeping, Ellie.'' Mac approached and put his hand on girl's shoulder. ''Come on, we'll order something to eat.'' Ellie looked back at her mother. ''Come on. Let her rest.'' He repeated.

She reluctantly stood up and followed Mac to the kitchen.

''I didn't notice anything in the morning.'' She said, not looking at him and toying with an empty glass that was placed on the table. ''She seemed fine. I asked her why we are taking a cab to my school but she said the car was broken, so she left it in a workshop.''

''Hey, don't blame yourself for that. Your mom did a pretty good job pretending nothing's wrong.'' He said and Ellie nodded.

''Is she going to be OK?'' She asked, her voice breaking.

''Of course, she is. It's only some bad concussion, she will be feeling better soon.'' Mac assured her and she nodded again, but yet he was able to see a tear rolling down her cheek. ''Come here, kiddo.'' He said, stretching her arm towards her. She approached and hugged him by the waist. It felt so strange to him at first, but he knew she needed someone, so he gently hugged her back.

''Everything will be fine, no worries.'' He whispered. She stayed like that for a moment and then pulled away. ''You OK there?'' Mac asked and she nodded. She seemed a little ashamed by her moment of weakness, so he decided to end the topic. ''What are we going to order?'' He asked. ''Chinese?''

Ellie wrinkled her nose and Mac smiled. It was totally Jo's expression.

''Nah. Pizza?'' She offered with a sweet voice.

''OK.'' He smiled at her, reaching for his phone. Ellie gave him the number and he dialed it. ''Which one's your favorite?'' He asked.

''Hawaiian.'' Ellie answered smiling. ''And mom's is...''

''Pepperoni.'' He finished for her and they both smiled at each other.

. . .

Jo woke up to the sound of the doorbell. She sat up abruptly and brought her hand to her head. She still felt a little dizzy, but it was much better as her head wasn't pounding. She went to the kitchen, seeing Ellie and Mac getting plates and opening the pizza boxes.

''Mom, you woke up.'' Ellie squeaked and came closer to her, hugging her.

''Hey, sweetie.'' The hug was a little too long and too tight than usual. ''You OK?'' Jo asked, looking down at her daughter.

''Yeah.'' She answered and finally let go of Jo.

''How do you feel?'' Mac asked.

''Much better.'' Jo answered, smiling lightly at him. ''And hungry.'' She added, breathing in the smell of food. ''It smells delicious. What do you guys have here?''

''Hawaiian and pepperoni.'' Ellie answered.

''I got dibs on the pepperoni one.'' Jo said quickly, making Mac smile.

''You won't share with me?'' Mac asked making sad eyes.

''Well...'' She pretended to consider her options. ''Maybe you will get one piece.'' She said, smirking.

''One piece!'' Mac groaned making Ellie and Jo laugh.

''You can have some of mine, if you want.'' Ellie offered.

''Well thank you, Ellie. You're such a cutie.'' He smiled at her. ''In contrast to your mother.'' He added making Ellie laugh even more. Jo made a face at him, but she couldn't hold back her smile.

''Can we move to the living room?'' Ellie asked. ''My favorite show is starting in a minute.''

They complied and soon three of them were sitting on the couch. Ellie was stuck in one corner, closest to the TV. Mac sat in the other one, with Jo next to him. She curled her legs under her and leaned towards him. She smiled as he put his arm around her. They ate their pizza, watching the show together. Then Ellie changed a channel and forced them to watch another teenager show. But they didn't really pay attention. Jo was still feeling a little drowsy after the painkillers, so she slide down and nestled her head against Mac's chest, her hand resting on his lower abdomen. He was toying with a strand of her hair, thinking about last night. He wasn't angry anymore because of the things she had said. Now he was really worried about her. Yesterday she was running away from him, he knew that. And she was so upset she end up being hurt. He really wanted to make it work, he wanted them to be together. But it was so hard. When she refused to talk to him about her feelings, he felt like he was wandering in the dark. Suddenly the noise of the adverts on TV brought him out of his thoughts. Jo stirred a little and looked up at him.

''What time is it?'' She asked.

''It's almost 8 pm.'' Mac answered.

''What about your homework, Ellie?'' Jo asked, making Ellie moan.

''I can do it later.''

''Do it now, please. I don't want you to stay up till late, as I really don't feel like dragging you out of your bed tomorrow. And we have to leave earlier, because we don't have a car.'' Jo remind her.

''OK, OK.'' Ellie sighed and put the remote control on the table, exiting the living room. Jo reached for the remote, slipping out of Mac's arms for a moment, but then she came back to her previous position.

''I will drive you with Ellie to school and to work tomorrow.'' He said. She lifted her head and gave him a questioning look. ''I told you, I'm staying with you tonight.'' She tried to say something, but he silenced her. ''There is no other option.'' He stated clearly.

''OK...'' She agreed.

''I will take the couch.'' He added.

''What?'' Jo sat up and looked at him.

''I think it will be better.'' He explained, his gaze fixed on her. He could see her features hardened and she moved away from him.

''Whatever you want.'' She said coldly and tried to stand up, but he caught her wrist and stopped her.

''Jo...'' The way he said her name was the way he always did it when she was running in circles and he wanted her to open up. ''What do you want then?'' He asked her point-blank, but she only shrugged her shoulders. ''You know, this is exactly the issue here. You're not telling me what you want. Not telling me how you feel.'' He sighed. ''I have to take guesses and sometimes I make a good choices, but if not, then you feel hurt.'' He added and she tensed at his last words.

''I'm not feeling hurt. You can sleep on the couch, it's fine with me.'' Jo threw out quickly and he groaned. She was driving him crazy. She was so stubborn he wanted to strangle her at times and now was one of those moments.

''That's not what I'm asking you about.'' He said as calmly as he could. ''My question is: do you want me to sleep tonight in your bed with you?'' She glanced at him. He couldn't put it more simply.

''OK, I do.'' Jo said, raising her hands like she was surrendering herself.

He smiled, put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer.

''Now, that wasn't that hard, was it?'' He joked, making her roll her eyes. ''Why didn't you tell me that in the first place?''

''I didn't want to impose on you.'' She said quietly. ''And I thought you're still mad at me.''

''I am.'' He said and she studied him closer, trying to figure out if he was serious. And he was.

''Because of those things I said?'' She asked, feeling more than guilty.

''More because what you did after that.'' He said, kissing her head lightly. ''I don't want you to skate on thin ice like that. You really scared me.'' He admitted.

''Sorry for that.'' Jo whispered. Then she kissed him, moving her lips across his slowly and softly. She pulled back and closed her eyes for a brief moment, enjoying his taste. She looked at him and smiled.

''You think I can compensate for that somehow?'' She asked, throwing him a sexy smile. Mac felt his heart quickened its pace, but he managed to stay calm.

''Not today.'' He stated firmly. ''Hawkes said you need to rest.''

''But...'' She started, but he silenced her, placing his fingers over her lips.

''No buts.'' He said, really proud of himself as he managed to resist her. The only thing he hadn't considered was her persistence when she wanted something. She gripped his wrist and kissed his fingertips. Then she moved her lips down his palm and run her tongue up his index finger. As she reached the tip, she slowly sank her mouth over it, letting her teeth graze his knuckle lightly. She pulled his finger out of her mouth slowly, caressing it with her tongue. He felt all his blood in his body going down as it was an obvious promise of what she could do to him. He groaned at the thought, making her smile.

''You sure?'' Jo whispered seductively.

''I'm sure you want to kill me.'' He murmured. ''I need something to drink.'' He said and headed to the kitchen. He returned with a glass of water and sat on the couch, putting some distance between them. He reached for the remote and switched to the news channel. Then he glanced at her. She was clearly amused, trying very hard not to laugh at him.

''You'd better stay away.'' He said, half joking, half serious. She made a sad face and a puppy dog eyes, which she knew always worked on him.

''I'll behave.'' She promised pleadingly, making him smile. He stretched his arm and said:

''Fine. Come here.''

She complied happily, snuggling to him. They stayed like that for a long while. About 10 pm Ellie came to tell them goodnight and assure Jo that she had done all her homework. After that Mac felt Jo getting a little heavier on his chest and he heard her stifle a yawn.

''How about we put you to bed?'' He offered.

''Mhm.'' She agreed, but didn't move. He smiled and pulled her up.

''Come on.'' They went to her bedroom.

''You want to go first?'' She asked, pointing with her head towards the bathroom.

''No, you go.''

''OK.'' She said, picked up something from the drawer and disappeared in the bathroom. He looked out through the window for a couple of minutes. The neighborhood Jo lived in was much busier and noisier than his. He turned around hearing her exiting the bathroom and he felt slightly dizzy at the sight of her. She was wearing black silky nightgown. It had a deep cut in the front, which was accenting her breasts and it was short enough to let his imagination work. He swallowed hard, trying to fight the urge of touching her. He could bet her skin was more smooth than the silk the nightgown was made of.

''What?'' She asked innocently, but her smile was giving her away.

''You are a wicked woman, you know that?'' He groaned, making her laugh, and disappeared in the bathroom. He really needed a cold shower.

When he returned to the bedroom the light was turned off and Jo was already lying in bed. He climbed into the bed next to her and under the duvet. He sneaked his arms around her and pulled her closer, his body spooning hers. She sighed happily and started to drift into her sleep.

. . .

In the middle of the night Jo woke up with a strange feeling something was wrong. As she came to her scenes she felt Mac stir by her side. She turned around with some difficulties as his grip on her waist was quite tight. He stirred again, even more this time and she felt his body tense. He was obviously having a bad dream. Jo squeezed his arm gently and said softly:

''Mac...''

He mumbled something. She held her breath and tensed, not sure if she heard right. Then he mumbled it again:

''Claire.''

The very first thing Jo wanted to do was slip out of his embrace and move away. She felt tears forming in her eyes and she waited for a bitter sting of jealousy to hit her. But it wasn't there. Instead of it she felt a hard grip of sorrow on her heart. She put her arms around him and held him close, pressing into him like she wanted to absorb his pain through her skin.

''Mac.'' She whispered again, caressing his arms gently, soothing him. She swallowed hard, feeling tears running down her cheeks. She knew he loved his wife more than anything, but it was the first time she could actually see it. She thought fate wasn't fair as it had taken her away from him. After so many years there was still a piece of his heart that wasn't healed and she wondered if it ever would be. He was such a good, caring man, he deserved to be loved like his wife loved him, with the whole of her heart, more than life itself. Jo let out a quiet sob at the thought. She wished she could loved him like that. She was struggling with herself, with this irrational fear that was deep inside her. And yet she couldn't, there was always something keeping her back. And it wasn't fair to him, she shouldn't even have started this relationship knowing she wouldn't be able to give in completely. But then, he fell in love with her. If she hadn't have done it, she would hurt him. And she knew she was making him happy, she was dragging him out from his sorrow. She wasn't trying to compete with his wife, it wasn't the case. She didn't want him to forget, didn't even want him to stop mourning her death, as she knew it wasn't possible. This sorrow was so deep inside him that it was going to stay with him till the end of his days. But she wanted to prevent it from spilling all over his heart, making his life miserable and bitter. He was too good for that and he deserved to be happy.

Her caress seemed to help him, the nightmare was over, as he sighed and snuggled closer to her, finding the most comfortable position. She felt her tears starting to dry and in that moment she made a silent promise, that she would do everything in her power to be with him and love him as much as she could. Not for herself, but for him.

. . .

**A/N First of all I wanted to thank very very very much CBubblesNY, who volunteered to be my beta reader. It's her that you owe that this chapter is not striking with grammar errors like the previous ones ;) **

**So it's kinda a filling-in chapter, maybe a little too sweet, but I enjoyed writing fluff as well.**

**I had some really wicked idea about next chapters, but I'm kinda worry that you guys who love Stella will come after me, seeing what I came up to :D Cos I'm thinking it will be fun to let Stella come to NY for a day or two and rise the temperature of Mac and Jo relationship even more... **

**I really hope that you still enjoy this story and that you will let me know what do you think about this chapter and the idea I've mentioned above.**

**Kisses!**


	13. Hurricane drunk

. . .

Jo pushed the button with the number 35 and watched how elevator's door closed and numbers on the little screen change. She smiled at her thoughts, remembering all the wonderful things Mac had done to her in the morning. As many times before she thought she could totally get used to it. To him taking care of her on a daily basis. But this time she felt something more – she also thought about taking care of him. She could felt butterflies in her stomach as she imagined being with him every day, sharing everything with him, all the good and the bad. Before, she was trying to think about this relationships only through the prism of current day, without thinking about tomorrow. But now, she thought it would be so good to have him around, as his care-giving and his support were something she really wanted. And she wanted it to last. She smiled, a little surprised by her thoughts. She actually wanted them to be together, she wanted to be his... well, it was kinda hard to put a label on it, but she certainly knew she wanted to be with him.

The ding of the elevator brought her out of her thoughts. She walked through the hallway to her office, not skipping the opportunity to glanced over Mac's office. She slowed down, seeing he wasn't alone. There was a woman in there and Jo didn't know why, but she just knew she wasn't there on business. Everything spoke against it. She was wearing a lovely summer dress with a floral pattern, so different from the office dress-code. And the way Mac was talking to her. He was smiling and gesticulating and the woman was laughing, throwing back her head, making her curls bounce. Then Jo saw as he hugged her tightly and placed a kiss on her cheek. She opened her mouth in disbelief. The next thing she felt was a strange pinch inside her chest and she took a shaky breath. She quickly walked away, not turning around. Her mind was spinning, giving her too many ideas at the same time. She tried to push them all away and come up with some rational explanation, but her thinking was drowned by a mix of sorrow, anger and fear. She sat behind her desk and wanted to place her elbows on its surface, but there was no space for that. With an anger she pushed all things to the side, making some of them fall to the floor and she hid her face into her hands. This sudden rush of emotions was almost unbearable. She had sat like that for a moment, trying to compose herself, when suddenly she heard Mac's voice.

''Jo, is everything fine?''

She looked at him. He was standing in the middle of her office. Alone.

''Yeah.''

''You sure?'' He asked again, looking at her suspiciously.

''Yes, I'm sure.'' She confirmed. ''Is there something you wanted from me?'' She tried to sound casual but there was a slight hint of anger in her voice. He rose his eyebrow.

''Actually I did. I wanted to ask if you're free tonight.''

''What?'' She asked, as his words didn't make sense to her.

''We are going to grab a few drinks.''

''We?''

''Yeah, Danny, Lindsay, Don, Adam, maybe Sid. Only Sheldon can't make it, as he has a dinner with Camille's parents.'' He explained and she nodded.

''What's the occasion?''

''Stella has came to visit New York for a couple of days and she wants to hang out with us a little. You know, there is a lot of things we have to catch up.'' He smiled, but Jo stopped listening after his first word. _Stella. Of course..._ She thought. She let out a sigh of relief, but immediately tensed, thinking it wasn't making her feel any better about what she saw.

''Well, I don't know.'' She hesitated. ''It will be some kind of reunion for you and I don't even know her. Wouldn't it be awkward?''

''I think it's a perfect opportunity for you to meet her.''

Jo winced a little. She wasn't really in the mood for that. But then, she couldn't imagine letting Mac go alone, as she knew, she would be freaking out imagining what could happen.

''OK then.'' She agreed.

''So... maybe I pick you up at 9 pm?''

''No. I'm going to see Tyler this evening, so I'll be in the center.''

''OK.'' He smiled. ''We're meeting at 'The Riddle'.'' He added. Then he leaned closer to her, placed a quick kiss on her head and whispered: ''I'm really happy you're coming.'_'_

_. . ._

Jo entered the pizzeria, looking for Tyler. She smiled, seeing him sitting at the table near the window and walked towards him.

''Hi, honey.'' She greeted him, kissing his cheek.

''Hi, mom.''

She sat down at the table, in front of him and asked:

''You've ordered?''

Tyler didn't have a chance to answer as Jo heard low, familiar voice just behind her.

''Hello, Jo.'' She turned around and looked up. _Great. Russ._ She thought.

''Hi.''

''I ordered one big Capriciosa. Will it be OK?''

''Sure.'' Tyler answered. ''And some drinks?''

''Yeah, I forgot about it. Can you grab them, son?'' Russ asked and Tyler nodded.

''You look great, Jo.'' Russ said after Tyler left the table. ''Really great.'' His gaze unashamedly moved over her body, making her shift uncomfortably. ''I hope it's not for someone particular.'' He smirked. ''Unless it would be me.'' He teased, making her roll her eyes.

''Russ, seriously.'' She let out a sigh of annoyance. ''I didn't even know you'll be here.''

''I know. Otherwise you wouldn't show up.'' He looked directly into her eyes. ''It was Tyler's idea, he said he doesn't have a time to meet with both of us separately.''

''Yeah, sure.'' She answered, not buying it. She was really thankful when Tyler came back to the table and started chatting about his studies. Then their pizza arrived and they started eating. Russ's eyes didn't leave Jo for the slightest moment. At some points, when she stretched her hand in order to get a napkin and he did the same, letting their fingers brush against each other, she started to wonder if he really still had some feelings for her or it was only his game. She didn't come into any conclusion before her phone rang.

''Danville.'' She answered it.

''Jo, I just wanted you to know we will be a few minutes after 9 pm, as we wanted to eat something first and we lost track of time.'' She didn't even have to ask who's 'we' as she could hear some woman's laughter and chatter in the background.

''Mac! Look, look!'' The voice said and Jo was able to hear some giggling.

''Wait a minute, Stell...'' Mac said. ''Jo, are you there?''

''Yeah, I am. It's OK, take your time.'' She said a little too bitterly than she was going to. Then she hang up, without letting him answer. She was pissed off. He hadn't told her he was meeting Stella earlier, alone. And they obviously were having a great time.

''You're having a date?'' Russ asked, smiling at her. _Oh, screw you!_ Jo thought. _Screw you both._

''It's not a date.'' She said, rising from the table. ''I'm meeting with a couple of friends for a drink.''

''Sounds like fun.'' Russ grinned. ''Can I come?'' He asked, teasing her. He was sure she would give him the bird. She looked at him with the 'are you kidding' me expression, but then she rose her eyebrows and said:

''You know what? Why not.'' She answered. She didn't have an intention to be the only one dealing with anger tonight.

. . .

When they arrived at the bar, although it was almost 9.30 pm, as they had to drop off Tyler to the dorm first, Mac and Stella still weren't there. Danny, Lindsay, Adam and Don looked highly surprised seeing Jo with her ex, but she didn't care what they were thinking. Russ offered he would buy her a drink and she agreed.

''What do you want, Jo?'' There was something about him saying her name that was making her feel uneasy. Like he was relished saying it.

''Whatever, choose something for me.'' She answered, not looking at him, as her gaze was glued to the doors.

''OK.'' He answered and disappeared in the crowd. Shortly after Jo could see Mac entering the bar. Stella was right behind him. She clenched his arm and looked around looking for familiar faces. Jo couldn't help but admit she looked beautiful. She had a perfect, olive complexion, with a lovely golden glow, which made a perfect contrast to the light-green dress she was wearing. It was quite short and completely backless. Her honey curls were softly framing her face and swaying with her every move. She saw Lindsay's raised hand and smiled widely, pulling Mac in their direction. They managed to walked through the crowd quickly, as people were stepping aside, looking at her with admiration.

''Liiinds!'' Stella squeaked, pulling her into her arms. Then she hugged Danny, Don and Adam. ''I missed you so much guys!'' She said.

''Stell, this is Jo.'' Mac said and Stella let go off Adam and looked at Jo, smiling at her.

''Hi.'' Jo said, giving her hand to Stella, not bothering to stand up. She shook it firmly and said:

''I'm so glad I finally have a chance to meet you. I've heard so much about you.'' She said quickly, still smiling.

''Oh, you have?'' Jo said courteously, glancing at Mac. But he was looking at Stella. His eyes were shining and he had a warm smile plastered to his lips. Jo smirked, looking in satisfaction as this smile faded away, when Mac saw Russ coming from the bar with two drinks.

''Hi, Mac.'' He greeted him, but Mac didn't answer, looking at Jo as if he was going to kill her. She rose her eyebrow at him and looked directly into his eyes, like she was throwing him a challenge. Jo knew it wasn't fair, but then, was this beauty still attached to his arm fair? She hated herself for doing that, but at the same time she was so angry at him and wanted to show him two can play this game as well. Mac watched Russ sitting next to Jo, so closely their shoulders were touching, and offering her a drink. He felt Stella pulling him down and he sat down in front of Jo. Their eyes were fixed, as they were fighting a silent battle. He felt Stella touching his arm, as she wanted to catch his attention, saying something directly into his ear and smiling at him. Mac broke the eye contact with Jo and looked at Stella smiling back. He turned slightly into her direction, placing his arm behind her for support and she leaned back in his sit, letting him see Danny and Lindsay. And presenting a perfect view of her cleavage. _I need a drink and I need it now, if I want to survive this._ Jo thought and she tasted her drink through a straw, wincing a little.

''Something wrong?'' Russ asked, leaning towards her. She was able to feel his breath against her skin.

''It's strong as hell.'' She groaned.

''And that's a bad thing?'' He asked.

''I guess not...'' She answered, seeing as Stella placed her hands on top of Mac's trying to cut into his conversation with Danny.

Mac was finding it quite hard to fallow Stella's talk. She was speaking too fast and too much, but it was usual for her. The reason was he was paying attention to Jo, trying to figure out why she was acting so strange. She had already almost emptied her glass and she seemed not be bothered by her ex placing his arms around her back.

''Mac.'' Stella said, touching his arm to get his attention.

''Hmmm?''

''Is it just me, or does Jo look kinda sad?'' She asked, her lips inches from his ear, as she wanted to keep it quiet.

''She does, doesn't she? I have no idea why.''

''And this guy, her ex husband. Gosh, he's really fine-looking! I would never divorce him.'' She laughed.

''Stell!''

''What? Come on, just because you've ordered, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.'' She groaned making him laugh.

''I guess I have to keep an eye on you.'' He said, smiling at her and brushing a curl away from her eyes. ''Otherwise your stay here can end up pretty badly.''

''Well, that depends on what you have in mind when you're saying 'badly'.'' She teased and Mac smiled. Then he looked at Jo, seeing she was half way through her another drink. He leaned across the table and said:

''Jo, shouldn't you slow down a little?'' She didn't manage to answer as Russ said:

''No worries, buddy. She's in good hands.'' He said grinning. For a moment Mac thought about punching him in his face in order to wipe that cocky grin of his face, but bar fights really weren't his style.

''You're trying to get her drunk... buddy?'' Mac asked, mocking him.

''I know very well how much she can drink and she's fine.''

''Oh really?'' Mac asked angrily, leaning more towards him.

''Yeah, really.'' Russ answered. Jo couldn't hear their conversation, but from the body language she could tell it's getting too heated up, so she put her hand on Russ' shoulders, pulling him back.

''What is it, babe?'' He asked.

''I need to go to bathroom.'' Jo said, standing up. Russ stood as well, moving from the table and letting her out. She stumbled a little, so he grabbed her around her waist, steadying her. She instantly pushed his hands away. ''And if you call me 'babe' once more, you're gonna be dead.'' She added and walked away from the table. Stella noticed how Mac followed her with his gaze and she squeezed his hand.

''I'm gonna check on her.'' She said and Mac nodded.

In the restroom Jo leaned over the sink, studying her reflection in the mirror. She groaned looking at the wrinkles around her eyes. She felt old. Stella was at least 10 years younger. And she was gorgeous. She was like a summer breeze – full of life, energetic and so easy going. No wonders Mac was so into her. And there was no doubts she was a real tiger in a bedroom, which man wouldn't like that.

''God, what's wrong with me.'' Jo groaned. In the morning she was the one to who Mac was making love and now she was tormenting herself with an image of him doing it with another woman.

''You OK?'' Someone asked next to her and she turned her face from the mirror, looking into Stella's big green eyes.

''Yeah, I'm fine.'' Jo answered.

''Good.'' Stella said, nodding slightly. ''So... what do you think about the Big Apple? Was it hard to adjust?''

''A little.'' Jo admitted. ''But those guys made it a lot easier.''

''Oh yeah, they're great.'' Stella agreed. ''And Mac is really wonderful.'' She added, making Jo wonder why she suddenly was talking about Mac. ''I was kinda worried about him when I left. You know... he can be really harsh on himself sometimes.'' She said and Jo nodded. ''But he seems happy and I guess... you have to do something with that.'' Stella offered her a big smile.

''Me?''

''Yeah. You seem pretty great! It's a pity I can't stay longer, hang out with you some more and get to know you better. I'm sure we would get along well.'' Stella said, surprising Jo with her open statement. ''But they gave me only three days off, so I have to leave tomorrow.'' She groaned.

''Oh.'' Jo nodded, feeling really bad about being fine with that. ''So... you've came to New York... to meet your friends?'' She asked.

''Well, to be honest, I came here because of completely different reason.'' Stella said laughing and Jo forced a fake smile as she was wishing for that reason not to be connected with Mac. ''But still, it's pretty great to see almost whole team together again.''

''Sure thing.'' Jo nodded. ''I'm going back. You?''

''In a minute.'' Stella smiled.

Jo walked out of the restroom, but instead of heading for the table, she sat at the bar, ordering another drink. She wanted to think for a moment. All those things Stella said... It was almost like she knew about her and Mac and like she was happy about it. That didn't make any sense, as she was still all over Mac, catching his attention and flirting with him. Jo sighed and sipped on her drink. It was somehow more quiet at the bar, then at the tables across the room and Jo was able to hear the song that was played. It sounded strangely familiar, probably it was one from this CD Ellie was playing over and over again lately. Jo almost choked at her drink, catching up the lyrics of the songs, it seemed it was just a perfect piece to be played in the bar.

_I'm going out,  
I'm gonna drink myself to death  
And in the crowd  
I see you with someone else,  
I brace myself,  
Cause I know it's going to hurt,  
But I like to think at least things can't get any worse. _

She jumped feeling someone's hand sneaking around her waist. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, praying silently that it was Mac's, but unfortunately she heard Russ's low voice in her ear.

''You run away from me.''

''I wanted to drink some more.'' She answered, feeling his other hand on her thigh. ''Russ...'' She warned him.

''God, you look so beautiful today. Breathtaking.'' He whispered. She tried not to pay attention to his words, as she knew him too good – to him it was only words, nothing else. She knew one moment he could tell her she was beautiful, and the other he could check some girl which was barely twenty. But somehow she felt so insecure, she needed to hear some compliments tonight, even if they were coming from him, not from the man she really wanted them to come from.

''What was the reason we separated?'' He asked, moving his fingers higher and higher, caressing her leg.

''Divorced.'' She corrected him and pushed his hand away, as it was moving in the dangerous direction.

''Do you ever think about us coming back together?'' Russ asked, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead and trying to look into her eyes. Jo was looking across the room, her gaze fixed on Mac, who was chatting with Stella again, not even aware Jo was gone.

''Have you lost your mind?'' She asked rhetorically.

''Is that a 'no'?'' Russ chuckled. ''Well, you can say what you want, but... ten years have past and you're still single.'' She was just about to tell him he was wrong, but she bit her tongue. She didn't want him to know about her and Mac, and what's even more, she didn't know if after this evening she wouldn't end up being single again. ''For me it's almost the same. I've dated lots of women, some really great. But yet, none of them was as gorgeous as you.'' He finished and Jo noticed he start to lean closer in a clear attempt to kiss her. _This isn't happening._ She thought, forcing herself to slip from the bar chair and stand up.

''I'm leaving.'' She made a decision and tried to head for a door, but suddenly she felt very dizzy. She gasped, feeling Russ's tightening his hold on her, as he led her outside.

''I'll be back in a minute.'' Mac muttered to Stella as he saw Russ dragging Jo towards the door. He caught them up on the street, in front of the bar.

''Jo! Are you alright?'' He asked concerned.

''Never better.'' She answered sarcastically, then pulled her phone out of the bag and tried to call for a cab, but the phone slipped out of her hand and landed on the pavement.

''Crap...'' She muttered, reaching down to get it and holding to Russ's arm for support.

''I've got it.'' Russ said, quickly reaching for it.

''Can you call a cab for me?'' She asked.

''Jo, I can take you home.'' Mac offered, grabbing her by an elbow and tugging gently, but she jerked her arm back.

''No, thanks. I'll be fine. Go take care of Stella.'' She threw out breathlessly.

''Jo, come on. Don't do that.'' He asked gently.

''Didn't you hear? She doesn't want your help. Back off.'' Russ hissed.

''How about you shut the fuck up?'' Mac offered, glancing at him angrily.

''Watch your mouth!'' Russ said, pushing him. Jo was able to see anger flickering in Mac's eyes and she was sure he would start fighting with Russ any second now. She knew very well what Russ was capable of, as she had seen many times how he had taken care of business with his fists. She didn't want Mac to get hurt, so she clenched to Russ's shoulder, pulling him back.

''Hey! Stop it!'' Mac froze hearing her scream. ''Go back to her, Mac.'' Jo repeated, looking at him, her eyes shiny with tears.

''You really want to leave with him?'' He asked in disbelief, but she didn't answer. He felt hurt. _Why did __she let this jerk come out with her in a first place? And now she's leaving with him?_

''Fine. You've made your choice.'' He said and Jo got an unpleasant feeling he wasn't taking about her decision with who she was leaving. She wanted to stop him, but it was too late as he spooned and headed back to the bar.

. . .

**A/N OK, so here's my idea how to involve Stella in this story. It was kinda hard to find a balance between showing Stella as she used to be in the show and how I and other fans loved her and showing her as Jo sees her. I hope that none of Stella fan will kill me for that - really! I love her too, but I also needed her like that for this story.**

**As you can guess there will be huuuge twist in the next chapter, which I really enjoyed to write and it's almost ready now.  
**

**I'm dying to know what you think! Please leave some review, good or bad, to let me know!  
**


	14. Howl

. . .

Jo groaned in her sleep as the sun shone directly into her face. She rolled over to other side, trying to catch some more sleep. Unfortunately pounding aches in her head made it impossible. She opened her eyes, feeling quite bad. It was a long time since she had her last hangover, she almost had forgotten how did it felt. Then she felt even worse, as she begun to remember last night's events. She groaned, thinking how bitchy she behaved towards Mac. He had every right to be hurt and mad at her. Then she groaned again, thinking about Russ. The last thing she remembered was him insisting on coming to her place with her.

''Jo, I have to make sure, you're safe.'' He said to her, stopping her from pulling the cab's door open. She turned around and looked into his eyes, seeing that look. She knew it very well and she knew it had nothing to do with keeping her safe or taking care of her. The only thing she could see was this lustful need of possessing her, making her his. Suddenly she thought about Mac's eyes, about this care, concern and affection she could see in them every time she looked at him. In Russ's eyes there wasn't even hint of those feelings.

He leaned closer, trapping her between cab and his body.

''Jo, I know you want this.'' He whispered with a cocky smile and brought his lips to hers, kissing her hard, demanding a response. And he got one. She pushed him away and slapped him across the cheek before he could do anything.

''For God's sake, what part of 'no' don't you understand?'' She snapped, turning around and getting quickly into a cab.

_This is just perfect, Danville._ Jo thought, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water. _I could totally write a book about 'How to destroy the promising relationship and make it more awkward with an ex during one evening'. I can bet it would be a bestseller. _She shook her head in disbelief. She was such an idiot. But maybe there is a chance to make it good with Mac? She knew she had to try, so she rushed back to the bedroom, looking for her phone. She checked her purse, pockets of her trousers and of her coat. She looked around the whole apartment, but it was nowhere to be found. _What the hell? Did I loose it? _She wondered.

. . .

As 9 o'clock struck, Mac reached for his phone. He was up till 5 am, thinking over and over again about what happened last night. Somewhere around 7 am he made a promise to himself he would call Jo when the hour would be decent. 9 am was probably nothing but decent for her, but he couldn't wait longer, he wanted to make it right as soon as possible. He dialled her number quickly, as he knew it by heart and waited for her to pick up.

''Hallo?''

He rose his eyebrows, hearing some man's voice.

''What the hell...'' He muttered. Across the line Russ pulled the phone away from his ear, looking at it and grinning. It was Jo's phone, not his. And as he could see it was Mac who was calling.

''Hi, Mac.'' He said, still smiling.

''Russ?'' Mac asked surprised, recognizing his voice. He felt his blood boiling as he started to figure out what did it mean.

''Yup.''

''Give me Jo.'' He said quickly as he decided he didn't want to talk to this jerk about what happened.

''Sorry, I don't want to wake her up.'' Russ answered, stifling with laughter. ''She was pretty exhausted. I kept her up almost whole night.'' He waited for some response from Mac, but there was only silence. ''She simply couldn't get enough of me.'' He added, chuckling as he imagined Mac's face.

''You bastard!'' Mac yelled. ''I'm going to kill you.''

''Yeah, right.'' Russ said laughing. ''Oh, sorry, I've got to go. Jo's waking up and I have to take care of her. You know...'' He lowered his voice like he was about to share a secret with him. ''...she always loved to have sex in the morning, I have to check if it's still an issue.''

''You...'' Mac panted, thinking of any possible insult he could throw at him, but none seemed to be enough.

''Bye.'' Russ said and hung up. Pure rage shot through Mac and he throw his phone across the room, smashing it against the wall. He really felt right now like killing the son of bitch. But then his anger changed into frustration as he thought about Jo. If she spent a night with him, she had to do it willingly. OK, she was pretty drunk when she left with him, but was she that drunk to don't know what was happening? His fist clenched as he thought Russ could took an advantage of her or hurt her in anyway. If that was what happened, he was going to _rip out his throat with his bare hands. But if she chose Russ over him... He couldn't even think about it, as he felt stabbing pain in his chest at the thought._

. . .

''Ellie.'' Jo said gently, leaning over her daughter's bed and brushing a curl from girl's face. She didn't even move. ''Ellie.'' Jo repeated, but still she didn't get any response. She rolled her eyes. ''Ellie!''

''Whaaaat?'' The young girl finally opened her eyes.

''Where's your phone?'' Jo asked.

''Hmm?''

''I need to call someone.''

''Where's yours?'' Ellie asked, closing her eyes again.

''I lost it. Come on, give me yours.'' Jo hurried her.

''So it seems you had some wild fun last night.'' Ellie chuckled, but was immediately brought into line by her mother's serious look. ''OK, OK. It's in my backpack.'' Jo reached for it and started to search for it between books, notebooks and yesterday sandwiches. ''Front pocket.'' Ellie mumbled, falling asleep again and Jo groaned. She finally found it and rushed out from Ellie's room, closing the door behind her. She dialled Mac number, but it went straight on voice mail, like he switched off his phone. She frowned. He never did that. Unless... he was occupied. The image of Mac and Stella sleeping naked in his bed flashed through her mind and she felt tears gathering in her eyes. She took a deep breath, trying not to jump to any conclusion, but her heart was throbbing with pain and she could do nothing about it.

. . .

After he managed to calm down a little, he moved to the wall and grabbed pieces, which used to be his phone. He put them together. The screen was broken, but it was still working. After switching it on he instantly received a massage that Ellie was trying to reach him few minutes ago. He felt a sudden grip on his stomach, as he thought something bad had happened to Jo. He called back immediately.

''Danville.'' He heard Jo's voice. ''Errr... I mean... who's there?''

''Jo?'' He asked surprised. ''Is everything fine? Ellie tried to reach me.''

''No, it wasn't her, it was me.'' She explained.

''Are you OK?'' He asked again, still a little concerned.

''Yes, we are both OK. Calm down.'' She said, smiling a little at the thought he worried about them, as always.

''Good.'' He let out a relieved breath, but tensed back again, remembering the previous conversation with Russ. ''Where are you?'' He asked suspiciously.

''I'm home.'' She answered straight away, frowning at the sound of his voice.

''Your home?'' He wanted to make sure.

''Yes! Who's else?'' She answered, getting slightly irritated. ''What's going on?''

Mac tried to process all information. So she wasn't at Russ's, she was home, with Ellie, as she was using her phone...

''Why are you calling me with Ellie's phone?''

''I lost mine and...''

''That asshole!'' Mac yelled.

''Mac!''

''I'm going to kill that bastard!''

''Mac! Wait! Who?'' Jo asked pretty confused and scared with his sudden burst.

''Russ!''

''What? Why?''

''He's got your phone. I called you and he answered it.''

''What did he tell you?'' Jo asked frowning her eyebrows angrily.

''He said you were with him and that you had spend the night together.''

''No...'' Jo whispered in disbelief. ''And you believed him?'' She asked a little too aggressively.

''Well... yeah. He answered your phone and he said you're sleeping.''

''Oh, he's sooo dead.'' Jo groaned. ''He did it on purpose!'' Jo exclaimed. ''I'm going to him and I swear I will shoot him!''

''Jo! No! Stay where you are. I'll be at your place in ten minutes.''

''You want to make sure I'm really home?'' She snarled angrily.

''No.'' He answered calmly, walking out of his apartment. ''I just want to take you in my arms.''

''What?''

''Jo, I thought you and this jerk were back together.''

''Oh, Mac...'' She whispered, realizing how bad he felt after Russ lied to him.

''OK, I have to hang up. My phone is smashed and it won't connect with my car kit.''

''What do you men, it's smashed?'' She asked shocked.

''Never mind. See you in... nine minutes.'' He said and hung up.

Jo smiled to herself, leaning against the wall. Nine minutes. Then she froze._Oh my God, nine minutes! __I must look like hell! _She thought and rushed to the bathroom.

When she opened the doors eleven minutes later she was showered and dressed.

''You're two minutes late.'' She teased.

''I couldn't find a parking spot.'' He smiled at her, letting his eyes skimming over her body. She was wearing dark jeans and simple gray top but still she looked so delicious to him. ''Come here.'' He said opening his arms for her, but much to his surprise she didn't move. ''What is it?'' He asked frowning his eyebrows.

''First I want to know where did you spend last night.'' She stated clearly.

''Home.'' He answered.

''Alone?''

''Of course.''

''What about Stella?'' Jo asked.

''We stayed at the bar till 2 am, then I drove her to her hotel and I drove home.'' He explained.

''Which hotel?''

''Park Central Hotel. You want to call them and ask if she's stayed there whole night?'' He asked.

''Why are you getting angry?'' She asked.

''Because you don't trust me!'' He snapped.

''Well, you don't trust me, either.''

''That's different, don't you think?''

''Is it?''

''Hell yeah! Russ is your ex and he certainly still has some feelings for you.''

''And Stella hasn't any for you?'' She asked and Mac groaned. With his every statement she had to come with the one of her own.

''She's only a friend. A very good one, but only a friend.''

''Such friend as I am?'' She threw out and he took a deep breath trying to calm himself.

''No. I've never felt for her, what I feel for you. She's like a younger sister to me.''

''I guess it's hard to have a such sexy younger sister.'' Jo said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

''It doesn't matter to me.'' He stated calmly, looking directly into her eyes, trying to prove he is honest with her.

''Really? I've heard last night you told her she looked beautiful.''

''I told her that, because she's fourth month pregnant. And she does look even more beautiful now.''

Jo felt a little dizzy, so she grabbed a wall for support. Mac saw her reaction and quickly reached for her, but she pushed him away. Then he understood.

''Oh, for heaven's sake, Jo! You couldn't possibly think she's pregnant with me! I've never slept with her. She has a fiancé in New Orleans.'' Mac blurted out and Jo brought hands to her face, still leaning against the wall. ''You must have lost your mind to think that me and her...'' He muttered, pulling her into his arms. She buried her face into his chest, putting her hands on his shoulders.

''I'm such an idiot...'' She whispered, making him chuckle.

''Well... yes, you are.'' He agreed.

''I don't know what came over me.''

''I know.'' Mac said and she looked up at him. He was grinning like crazy. ''You were jealous.'' He said and Jo felt heavy blush creeping up her cheeks.

''No, I wasn't.'' She denied, her voice higher than normally.

''Oh, yes you were. You were jealous of Stella.'' He teased.

''No, I...'' She wanted to deny again, but he interrupted her and added:

''And now you are blushing.''

''Oh, shut up!'' She barked, trying to wriggle out of his embrace, but he didn't let her do that, holding her tightly.

''It's kinda cute when you are jealous like that.'' He said leaning closer to her.

''I wasn't...'' He thought that the best idea to stop her from arguing would be close her mouth with a kiss. She was tensed at first, but soon she relaxed as his lips started to caress hers passionately. His hand was tangled in her hair as he held her tightly, as he was tasting her sweet mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer and she moaned as his body pressed firmly into hers.

''Get a room, honestly.'' Ellie murmured somewhere close, walking past them on her way to the kitchen. Mac torn himself from Jo's lips and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks very red as she was clearly embarrassed.

''Hi, Ellie.'' Mac said, smiling.

''Hi.'' She answered cheerfully. ''Mom, I'm going to the mall to meet with Lacey and Ann. Then we're going to the movies.'' Ellie said from the kitchen. Mac looked at Jo. She didn't even move, her eyes still closed.

''Mom?'' Ellie asked, coming towards them. She was already fully dressed, with her bag hanging from her shoulder.

''She pretends she's not here.'' Mac whispered, making Ellie laugh.

''Nice. So, see ya!'' She said and walked out from the apartment.

Mac looked at Jo and started to laugh.

''It's not funny!'' Jo groaned. ''It was so embarrassing.''

''It wasn't that bad.'' He said, pulling her towards the kitchen. ''Come on, I'll make us some coffee.''

She followed him, sitting at the table and watching how well he had already known his way around her kitchen.

''I'm sorry. For yesterday. I was so angry at you. I'm sorry if I hurt you.'' She said softly. ''But it was hard, watching you with her.''

''Jo... it was nothing.'' He answered, turning around to face her.

''She was all over you. Touching you all the time.'' She complained, making him laugh.

''Jo, she's half Greek and half Italian. She can't finish her sentence without touching anybody.'' Jo smirked at his remark, but then added:

''You can't blame me. She's gorgeous. And so passionate with everything she does, I can't imagine a man who wouldn't fall for it.'' She said, glancing at him and checking his response.

''Sure, she is.'' He agreed. ''Still, sometimes she can be so energetic it just makes me dizzy.'' He smiled, moving closely to her and leaning over. ''I guess, I prefer some warm, subtle, southern charm of one specific classy lady.'' She smiled at him and he brushed his lips against her.

''And about Russ...'' He started and his features immediately hardened. ''If I see him anywhere near you, I swear I'll kick his ass.'' She put her hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down. ''I was really furious seeing he was clinging to you the whole night. And then you left with him.'' He shook his head, as he still couldn't believe in that.

''I know. Sorry for that.'' She purred, nuzzling his neck, like a cat that was asking to be pet. ''But I left him right in front of the bar.'' She added and kissed his neck gently.

''I was sure he would come back with you. He didn't look like he was going to let you go.'' Mac sighed and straightened himself, interrupting her caress and breaking their contact.

''Mac...'' She put her arms around his waist, holding him in place. ''He wanted to come. He tried to kiss me... but I slapped him and I went home.'' She whispered. ''Nothing happened.'' She assured him once more. She pulled his t-shirt up from his waist and lowered her head, placing a soft kiss on his hard stomach.

''I know, Jo. I'm just angry he almost managed to steal you from me.''

He closed his eyes, feeling her lips caressing his skin. He didn't know if that was her way of saying sorry, asking for forgiveness or just making him forget. Whatever it was, it was working. ''Jo...'' He said, gripping her chin slightly and making her look up at him. ''I don't think it's a good idea.''

''Why?'' She asked. Her soft hands were dancing across his back.

''I can't make love to you right now.'' He said quietly. She pulled away at his words and stood up, moving away from him. She felt spurned. She silently cursed herself for being such an idiot last night. She shouldn't ask Russ to come with her in the first place.

''Jo...'' He tried to catch her wrist and stop her, but she jerked her hand away, trying to avid any contact. She was looking away and he knew she felt hurt. ''It's not your fault. I just... still feel so angry, that I'm afraid I couldn't be as gentle as I would like to be.'' He explained and she looked at him, totally puzzled. ''It could be too rough.'' He added.

She could feel some warm tingling in her chest. _That's what it's about?_ She thought. _He's concern about hurting me? _But she soon forgot this thought as she wondered how it could be, what did 'rough' even mean for him. Hard? Quick? Without any foreplay? Without caring about her, only about him wanting to satisfy his own need? Would he stop if she cried or begged him to? Or would he be unable to? She let out a shaky breath, not even aware that she had been holding it for the past moments.

''I'm not made of glass, Mac.'' She whispered. ''You can do... whatever you want with me.'' She swallowed hard. ''I trust you.'' She added, partly for him, partly for herself, in order to drown out slight anxiety she was feeling. He approached her and she couldn't help but back a little, intimidated by his look. He looked like a hunter who spotted his pray, his eyes almost navy with desire. She barely registered what happened next, as it was so quick. His hands grabbed her hips possessively, pinning her hard between the counter and his hardness. He kissed her, making her open her mouth for him, tasting her eagerly. He placed his hands under her top and let them roam hungrily over her ribcage and higher, to her breasts. He cupped them through the lacy bra and she threw her head back, whimpering. He didn't let her lips stay away from his, as he captured them immediately again, leaving her breathless. But the urge of feeling her smooth was stronger, so he placed his hands on the hem of her top, lifting it and breaking the kiss to pull it over her head. Still holding it in his hand he unclasped her bra with another one and slid it off her shoulders, tossing both piece of clothing on the floor. Then he unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, pushing them off together with her panties. He let her step out of them and again pressed his body against her, caressing it wherever he could reach.

''That's much better.'' Mac muttered, his voice, even lower then usual, sending a shiver down her spine. Jo tugged on his t-shirt and he complied, pulling it off. He kissed her again, deeply and she moaned into the kiss feeling his thigh between her legs, his body weight forcing her to part them. Then his mouth dropped to her neck and he placed some open-mouth kisses there, wetting her skin. When she felt his teeth nibbling on her sensitive flesh she cried out with pleasure, the amount of the sensation started to overwhelm her. She rocked her hips, unashamedly rubbing her aching core against his thigh, letting him know how ready she was. She smiled, knowing he got the message as she could hear him working on his belt. He freed himself from his pants, not bothering to take them off completely. He saw her lowering her eyes and biting on her lower lip. He didn't need any further encouragement.

''Turn.'' Mac ordered and she looked up, her eyes widened as she understood what he wanted. She didn't have a chance to react as he grabbed her by the hips and turned her around, slightly bending her over on the counter. For a brief moment Jo prayed Ellie wouldn't come back soon, as she would be probably traumatized for the rest of her life by the sight. But all her thoughts were gone, as she felt Mac leaning over her. His bare chest was pressed firmly to her back, his breath hot against her skin. She felt his lips on her neck, soothing with his kisses places he nibbled earlier, leaving them on fire. He brought his hands to her breast, teasing their tips and sending shocks of pleasure down her body. Then one of his hands dropped to her stomach. He caressed her, enjoying how her muscles tightened under his touch. His hand traveled further down, between her legs and he let his fingers stroke her.

''Oh, baby...'' He groaned, feeling how much she wanted him. She arched her back, turning her head and seeking his mouth. He kissed her deeply and intimately. She moaned into his lips as she felt him taking her from behind. He moved slowly at first as he wanted to give her a chance to adjust, but soon his control started to slip and he stated frantic pace, making her gasp with his every movement. He grasped her hips firmly once again and she knew he would leave bruises. Her left hipbone was painfully and repeatedly hitting drawer's handle, but she didn't care. The only thing that mattered was the feeling of his body against hers. His lips were on her back, alternatively kissing, licking and sucking on her skin. She started to tremble, feeling the swirling sensation in the pit of her stomach getting stronger and stronger. She closed her eyes and cried, tipping over the edge. Wave of pleasure racked sweetly through her, leaving her mind in a dazzled state. She vaguely registered the odd jerk of his hips and his low moan as he reached his own release. He collapsed on her back, breathing rapidly. His lips nipped on her skin.

''Mmmm, Jo.'' He whispered, his voice low and husky. ''My Jo. Mine.'' He added and her eyes flew open.

. . .

She knew, she shouldn't be taking shower that hot, but water almost burning her skin was somehow soothing. Jo leaned against the wall and let the water cascade down her face. His words replayed over and over again in her head. 'He almost managed to steal you from me.' Despite the temperature of water she shivered. Steal? Like she was some kind of thing one man can steal from another? Like she belonged to him? 'My Jo. Mine.' She almost heard his voice again. She switched water to colder, suddenly feeling too hot. She thought this time would be different. She thought he was different. But it seemed it just had to be like that, always. Every man was just the same – wanting only to make a woman his, having a control over her, taking her like she was his own. It wasn't just an ordinary desire to possess, it was possessiveness. And showing off in front of the others, letting them know what they were missing. Her eyes started to sting as she thought that what they just did wasn't at all about the passion. She couldn't help but thought that Mac was turned on by the fact she had chosen him over the other man. He wanted to make her his, almost like he wanted to seal his right to her. That just was making her sick. She wasn't his, she was nobody's. She wanted to be just her own.

She stepped out from the shower and wrapped a towel around her. In the bedroom she put on turquoise bra and a matching boy shorts, as she didn't want to go naked to the kitchen to collect the underwear she was wearing before. But she still needed her jeans and top. She dropped the towel on the bed and went to the kitchen. Mac was sitting on the coach, watching TV. He glanced at her, his gaze swiped over her body. _What was even the point in putting on those?_ Jo thought. She felt naked anyway.

_. . ._

**A/N First of all I would like to thank CBubblesNY for correcting the previous chapter, despite the fact she is swamped with work at school - many thanks, hunni! And sorry, that I posted without waiting for you... I thought that maybe you had forgot. **

**And I would like to thank also NYPD8433, which corrected this chapter in a record time and made a tiny little suggestion that maybe I should change it a little bit, which I actually did ;) Thanks again!  
**

**Also many thanks for those of you who left the review, followed or favourites me, or just read - it means really a lot for me.  
**


	15. Heartlines

. . .

Mac looked at her as she entered the living room. She was looking utterly alluring, wearing nothing more, just her underwear. It was lacy, slightly sheer and had the color of a deep sea, which made a nice contrast to her milky skin. The panties were hugging her hips so deliciously and the bra made her breasts look even more perfect. He wanted to touch, kiss and caress every inch of her skin and when he would be over, start again. _God, she's so beautiful._ He thought. He smiled at her, but she didn't returned his smile, looking somehow absent and it made him wonder what was bothering her.

''Come here.'' Mac said, opening his arms for her.

''I have to get dressed.'' She said and she walked to the kitchen. She picked her jeans and top up from the floor and put them on. Then she came back to the living room and sat on the couch next to him, not looking at him. He put his arm on her shoulder, slightly brushing her skin. He would have given anything to know what was going on in her head.

''You know, I can almost hear it.'' He said.

''What?'' Jo asked, finally looking at him.

''This rush of thoughts in your head.'' He said and she smiled lightly.

''I've been just thinking... why did you want to have sex with me?'' She asked and he chuckled.

''Do you really have to ask? You're so beautiful. I'm tempted by you all the time.'' He whispered, moving closer to her. ''I just can't get enough.'' He added, kissing her neck to prove his point.

''I mean... one moment you were furious, thinking that I ended up in Russ's bed and the next...''

''I was furious, because I thought he took advantage of you.'' He interrupted her. ''And I was angry at myself for letting you leave with him.''

''Letting me?'' She asked, frowning her eyebrows. ''I didn't have to ask for your permission to do that.''

''That's not what I meant.'' He said slowly, studying her closer, more than surprised by her statement. ''I was angry, because I thought he used you and I did nothing to prevent it. And I was angry, because I thought I lost you.''

''Yeah, you thought he stole me from you.'' She said bitterly, quoting his previous words.

''It's just an expression.'' Mac explained, slowly understanding what it was all about.

''Is is? And saying that I'm yours? What does that actually mean for you?'' She asked trying not to sound too aggressively, but it was a futile attempt.

''It means, that I care about you.'' He said simply. ''And what does it mean for you, Jo?'' He asked gently and she closed her eyes blocking sudden rush of emotions. She tensed at the memory of hearing a voice that was saying those words. It was like a constant reminder that she couldn't run away, couldn't made any decision on her own. It felt like she was suffocated and she found it hard to breath even now, when she was remembering it.

''Jo.'' Mac said with an evident concern in his voice. She opened her eyes and looked directly into his. Those big, clear, honest eyes. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

''It was more like a threat.'' She whispered answering his question. Mac didn't say anything, only pulled her into his arms. She clenched to him, nestling her head on his chest.

''For me it means nothing that you should be afraid of.'' He whispered, his voice so soft and gentle, she felt her heart melting. ''It means that I want you. As my friend and my lover. It means I want to be with you, keep you safe, make you happy.'' He kissed her head. ''And it means I want to be yours as well.'' She pulled away, hearing him. She looked up at him, clearly surprised. ''You don't want me to be yours?'' He teased, seeing her face.

''I... I do.'' She wanted to sound firmly, but somehow it was very hesitantly. ''I've just never... thought about it.'' She'd never referred to Russ as 'hers'. Of course, as her boyfriend, fiancé, then husband, but never just as 'hers'. She was his, but he was never hers. But with Mac it was so much different. He was offering her a huge piece of himself, something Russ had never done. It felt so much safer that way. When she had to give piece of herself to him, this unpleasant feeling of emptiness was absent, because she was getting something in return. Him. She looked at Mac and smiled.

''What?'' He asked, smiling back.

''I like it. That you're mine.'' Jo said, tracing his strong arms with her hands. Then she leaned closer to him and placed loving kiss on his cheek, her lips caressing his skin. ''I really like it.'' She added, putting her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder. It felt so right and so good, being so close to him. He was the greatest, the most caring and the sweetest man she had ever met. She felt this strange sensation, like her heart started to vibrate in her chest. She clenched her eyelids as her eyes started to get moist. This flood of emotions was overwhelming, like every cell in her body begged for this to last forever.

He smiled feeling her whole body pressed intimately into his. He locked his arms around her, keeping her close and she sighed happily. Again he was moved by the thought how petite and fragile she seemed in his arms. He felt a sudden surge of strength as his all muscle tensed at the thought, he was the one to keep her safe and not let anything bad happen to her. Being with her was so hard at times. She was so stubborn, not admitting that she was afraid of commitment. He learned to read between the lines and now he knew that her failed marriage left her with a distorted picture of what relationship with a man had to be. And he was trying very hard to show her it could be different, but it was still quite hard. He tried not to feel hurt when she was pushing him away instead of telling him how she felt, but at times he just thought he should give up and stop fighting as he had a feeling he was doing more harm than good. But deep down he still had a hope that she would chase her fears away and simply admit she had feelings for him.

So far being around her had to be enough. He smiled, thinking that a few weeks before he would give up everything just to hold her in his arms like he was doing right now. She was so still, her body soft and warm, but when he stroked her hair she looked up at him and smiled.

''I thought you had fallen asleep.'' He said.

''I almost did. But my head ached too much.'' She complied. He was just about to say some witty comment about her having too much to drink last night, but she was faster. Cutting him off, ''I don't even want to hear this 'I told you' line.'' She warned.

''I didn't say a word.'' He laughed.

''But you wanted to.''

''Since when is intention punishable?''

''Since I'm the judge.'' She said, kissing him softly and standing up. She moved to the kitchen started the coffee maker. ''I need to call the workshop and ask if my car is ready to pick up.'' She said and then groaned. ''And I need my phone back.''

Mac felt his blood pressure rise at the thought of her going to Russ's place.

''I will buy you a new one.'' He said out loud his first thought. She looked at him like he was crazy and started to laugh.

''I can afford to buy a new one, you know.''

''I just don't want you to be anywhere near him.'' He said, wrapping his arm around her waist protectively.

''I know.'' She whispered, placing her hand on his. ''OK, I will buy a new one.'' She agreed. ''Actually we could look for some special offer like 2 for 1, as yours is in pretty bad shape.''

''Yeah, I guess I need a new one, too.'' He agreed.

. . .

Ellie entered the apartment and smiled as the very first thing she registered was the lovely smell of her favorite dish. She looked into the kitchen, seeing her mom and Mac cooking. Jo was just pulling a strand of spaghetti from the pot with boiling water with her fingers.

''Oh, shit, shit, shit, so freaking hot!'' She squeaked, making Mac laugh. Then she titled her head back and held it above her mouth, slowly lowering it. Mac groaned.

''I agree, so freaking hot.'' He whispered, placing his hands on her hips and nuzzling her neck.

''Is it ready?'' Ellie asked, giggling when her mom jumped and turned towards her, blushing.

''Err... not yet.'' She answered and gasped, feeling Mac's hands sneaked from behind around her waist. He placed his chin on her shoulder.

''Hi, Ellie.'' He said and winked at her.

''Hi, Mac.'' She answered, smiling widely. ''How long until it's ready? I'm starving!''

''3 minutes.'' Jo answered, reaching for the plates. ''How was the movie?''

''Oh, it was so funny!'' Ellie said, giggling. ''But Tim's already seen it and he was getting on my nerve telling me what would be next and...''

''Tim?'' Jo interrupted her. ''I thought you went with Lacey and Ann.''

''Do we have some grated Parmesan cheese?'' Ellie asked.

''There is a piece in the fridge, you have to grate it.'' Jo answered and Ellie pulled the piece from the fridge.

''Here, let me.'' Mac said, taking it away from her.

''So?'' Jo asked, looking directly at Ellie.

''What?'' Ellie asked, feeling slightly confused.

''Tim!''

''Oh! Yeah, he went with us.''

''Did you invited him?'' Jo asked.

''Me? No way! He's a bonehead.'' Ellie winced and Mac chuckled. ''I'm going to change.'' She said and left the kitchen.

''Should I be worried?'' Jo asked, looking at Mac.

''Not yet, I think. Maybe in a year or two.''

''God, I can't imagine her going on a date.'' Jo groaned.

''But you know it will happen eventually?''

''I will be worried sick then.'' She shook her head, trying not to think about it. She reached for the pot with pasta.

''I think you may need me to be around and give the boy small talk about how to treat a young girl.'' He said and Jo turned to face him, holding the lid of the pot in her hand. _Is it his way of saying he could still be here for me and Ellie in a year or two? Is he thinking about being my partner and helping me raise my daughter? Is there a chance he is comfortable with the thought of becoming Ellie's dad?_ Hundreds of questions rushed through Jo's head as she was looking at him.

''What?'' He asked and it brought her to her senses. She felt the lid burning her fingers and she let go off it, dropping it to the floor with a loud twang.

''Sorry, it was too hot.'' She mumbled, picking it up and placing it in the sink.

. . .

After they ate, they moved to the living room, chatting with Ellie about her friends and school. Mac was happy, seeing how comfortable she was in his company, but he thought that maybe she wanted to spend some time alone with her mom. When Ellie went to the kitchen for something to drink, he turned to Jo and said:

''Jo, I'll be going.''

''Why? You have something to do?'' She asked, a slight sadness evident in her voice.

''No, but I thought that maybe you and Ellie want to spend some time together.''

''Mac, we spend enough time together to get bored with each other.'' She smiled. ''And she seems to enjoy your company.''

''Yes, she does. But still...''

''Stay.'' Jo asked, leaning towards him. She placed her hand on his chest, looking in his eyes. ''I want you to stay... for a dinner...''

''OK.'' He agreed.

''...and a breakfast.'' She added instantly.

''Jo. You want me to stay with you for a night when Ellie's home?'' He wanted to make sure.

''Yes.'' She said, placing a soft kiss on his jaw. ''That's exactly what I want.''

''Well, how could I say 'no' to you?'' He smiled. ''OK.''

''Thanks.'' She said smiling, her eyes sparking. ''You want something to drink?'' She asked, standing up.

''Yes, please.''

''Dr Pepper will be good?''

''Dr Pepper?'' He asked, surprised. ''You hate it.''

''I didn't buy it for myself.'' She told him and disappeared in the kitchen. Soon Ellie and Jo were back with drinks and some snacks.

''You guys want to watch...'' Jo wanted to ask, but Ellie cut her off.

''Let's play 'Scrabble'!''

''Ellie, seriously, I don't think that Mac...'' Jo started, but it was Mac, who interrupted her this time.

''No, I would love to play 'Scrabble'.'' He smiled at Ellie. ''Only I don't know if I can still remember how to play.'' He joked.

''I'll help you.'' Ellie offered genially, reaching for the box placed under the TV. They moved to the floor. Ellie was laying on her stomach, with her legs bent up and crossed at the ankles. Mac leaned on the side of couch and Jo nestled herself against his leg, placing her arm on his knee. She turned her head and looked at him.

''Don't peek at my letters.'' She warned.

''Me? Never. I don't cheat.'' Mac said. ''And if I took a peek, it definitely wouldn't be at your letters.'' He added, whispering into her ear and tilting his head to look over her shoulder and right into her cleavage.

''Oh, you...'' Jo gasped, smirking a little.

''Can I start?'' Ellie asked.

''Sure, kiddo.''

''OK, then... N-A-U-G-H-T-Y. Naughty.'' She looked up, hearing Mac and Jo chuckled. ''What?''

''Nothing.'' They answered together, glancing at each other.

As they played Mac noticed how sophisticated Jo's tactic was. Every time she tried not to form the word on her own, but rather form new ones from those that were already on the board, gaining much more points for them. At some point, when she add letters to 'success' placed on the board earlier by Ellie, turning it into 'unsuccessfully' and gaining more than 80 points for it, Mac couldn't help but groan.

''Are you kidding me?'' She turned to him and smiled.

''You're so gonna lose, darlin'.'' She teased. Then with her next move she got rid of all her letters, forming the word 'vizacacha', which she placed on the highest bonus square, and scoring just ridiculous amount of points for that.

'''Vizacacha'? There's no such word.'' Mac complained.

''Yes, there is.'' Jo argued.

''So what does it mean? Use it in a sentence.'' He challenged her.

''I don't know all the words. But it's definitively a word.''

''No it isn't.'' Mac argued, smiling as he enjoyed teasing her.

''Yes, it is!''

''Ellie, Google it!'' Mac ordered and Ellie run to her room.

''The plains vizcacha is a species of rodent, it is found in Argentina, Bolivia, and Paraguay.'' Ellie read out loud from her room and Jo started to laugh.

''No way! A rodent?''

''You didn't know that, did you? You were just lucky!'' Mac pulled her closer to himself.

''No, I knew that. I totally did!'' She cried.

''No, you didn't.'' He started to tickle her. ''Admit it!''

''Oh, God, stop it!'' Jo started to wriggle, trying to push his hands away, but she couldn't as she was laughing hard. ''Mac! OK, OK, I admit!'' He stopped, giving her a chance to catch her breath. ''I just wanted to get rid of all letters.''

''You're impossible.'' He said, looking at her warmly.

''But still I won.'' Jo smirked. ''At least one thing you're not good at.''

''I'm good at many other things, you know.'' He whispered into her ear, his breath hot against her skin.

''Like what?'' She asked breathlessly.

''I'll show you later...'' He answered, placing a butterfly kiss on her neck.

''You're such a tease.''

. . .

Mac lay on the Jo's bed, on his side. He smiled thinking about it like that – his side. He had a place in her bed and after spending a whole day with her and Ellie, he knew also that he had a place in her life. And he wanted nothing more than occupy this place for as long as possible.

He watched her as she exited the bathroom and smiled seeing him lying in her bed, wearing only his boxers. Her eyes roamed over his well-toned chest and she unconsciously bit down on her lower lip. He smiled seeing her. She was wearing tiny top and matching panties and he found it hard to decide if she looked more cute or sexy. Her hair was scooped into one of those clippy things and she reached up, taking it off and letting her hair down. Her top rode up her body and he looked at her exposed skin. Something caught his attention and he moved quickly to the edge of the bed, reaching for her.

''Mac?''

He lifted her top even more, pushing the hem of her panties a little down and studying bruises on her hips. They were looking really nasty, all red with a slight purple hue.

''Oh, God.'' He whispered, realizing that they were a perfect match to his fingers.

''Mac, don't...''

''I'm so sorry.'' He said, looking up at her, his eyes strangely glossy.

''It's OK. I just bruise easily.'' She assured him, placing her hand on the back of his head and letting her fingers caress him. ''It's nothing, really.''

''Doesn't look like nothing to me.''

''Mac, it's just some bruises, they'll disappear in a day or two. Stop acting like you... violated me or something.''

''I feel like I did...'' Mac murmured.

''You didn't, OK? You warned me that it would be different and I told you I still wanted it.'' She reminded him. ''And I enjoyed it.'' Jo added in a whisper.

''I should be more gentle.'' He whispered. ''You deserve someone who makes love to you not just...''

''Mac, it's OK, really.'' She repeated. ''You've got carried away.''

''That's not a reason...'' He answered, placing soft kiss on her stomach and snuggling his face to her. Suddenly he pulled away, looking up again at her. ''Did I hurt you... anywhere else?''

''No.'' She shook her head.

''Thank God.''

''Mac...'' She said his name again, even more softer this time. ''Let's go to bed.'' She offered and he complied, moving from the edge of the bed to the middle. ''I can get you another duvet if you want. I know I'm a restless sleeper and it can be annoying, when I pull your half off of you.'' She smiled at him, climbing into bed next to him.

''No, thanks, I'm good.'' He answered.

''I don't want you to freeze in the middle of the night.'' Jo added.

''Not an option, when you're here to keep me warm.'' Mac said, pulling her close. She snuggled to his side, placed her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest.

''It's OK?'' She asked, looking up at him.

''Very OK.'' He answered wrapping his one arm protectively behind her back and putting the other one on her waist. She let out a soft sigh and closed her eyes.

''It will be so hard for me to fall asleep without you.'' She murmured.

''Why do you want to fall asleep without me then?'' He asked playfully.

''I don't. But you won't be always here.''

''Why not?'' He asked again.

''I don't know. I guess 'forever' is often not so long as it sounds.'' She joked.

''I didn't promise you 'forever'.''

''Well, yeah. Doesn't it prove my point?'' She asked, but he ignored her question.

''I can't promise you 'forever', but I can promise you day after day.'' He said.

''Isn't it the same?''

''It isn't. Today I can promise you tomorrow. And tomorrow I can promise you the day after tomorrow... and so on.''

''Oh, I get it.''

''I think you don't. What's between us... it's very important for me. I don't want it to end.'' He said, kissing the top of her head. ''You're the most important person in my life... now.'' He added, wanting to be truly honest, not only with her, but also with himself. ''You're so sexy, smart and funny. This southern charm of you keeps amazing me over and over again. I don't want to stay away from you even for a minute and I can't get enough of you.'' He said, looking down at her, as she remained quiet. ''And it feels so right, because... I love you.'' He whispered.

She didn't say anything, didn't move. Her eyes were closed and she seemed to be sleeping, but he knew she wasn't. He was able to hear her heartbeat and it was too fast and too loud, her breathing too uneven and her eyelids shut too tight. He was sure she had heard him.

. . .

**A/N: Sorry for a shorter update, but again it's kind of filling chapter, meant for lower the level of angst a little. I hope it's not too fluffy and not too boring. And I promise the next chapter will be totally different ;)**

**Thank you ****NYPD8433** for beta-reading this and correcting all the mistakes :) You're the best!  


**And I would like also to thank everyone for leaving the reviews - they are very important, as they make me sure that I'm not the only one who is having fun with this story. And special thanks to Tlh45 for leaving a very precious review - if you are able to find some your words in this chapter, then please don't sue me for the copyright infringement, I was just inspired by them ;)  
**


	16. All this and heaven too

. . .

Jo woke up feeling well rested. She placed her arms above her head and stretched herself, smiling happily. Than she glanced at the other side of the bed. It was empty, but it didn't surprise her as she checked the clock. It was 11 am. She rolled to the other side of the bed, feeling delightfully lightheaded. She buried her face into Mac's pillow, inhaling his scent. It was sharp, spicy and masculine. So intoxicating. She smiled remembering falling asleep in his arms and all those lovely things he whispered to her... Suddenly she froze. _God, he also whispered that he loved me._ Her heart quickened its pace, exactly the same as it had done when she had heard him. She had pretended to be asleep, as she had been afraid she couldn't say it back. But could he tell she wasn't asleep? Was that the reason for her waking up alone?

She jumped out of the bed, wanting to find him as soon as possible. But instead of him she found green post-in note placed on the kitchen cupboard. It read:

_Jo, I got called to a crime scene and as your boss I decided not to wake you up. I hope you're dreaming of me. I left you my car, in case you need it. M._'

And there was a small heart drawn in the corner. She smiled. He was so sweet it was impossible not to love him. But then, feeling something was a different thing from talking about it. She wondered if he was feeling hurt or mad at her. She didn't want him to feel like that. Actually she felt like hugging him tightly and whispering into his ear that she loved him too. But he wasn't here. She took the car keys that were lying on the counter top and she toyed with them for a moment. She decided to go to him; to the department and to tell him what she should had told him last night. She wrote a quick note for Ellie and rushed to the bedroom to get dressed.

. . .

As the elevator's door opened Jo bumped into Adam.

''Oh, hi there, J.D.'' He greeted her.

''Hi, Adam.'' She answered, trying to look over his shoulder and see if Mac was in his office.

''What are you doing here? Isn't it your day off?''

''It is... is Mac back from the crime scene?''

''He is. He should be here somewhere.''

''Thanks.'' She went past him and headed to the Mac's office. She knocked quietly on the glass door and entered. He was standing behind his desk, talking on the phone. She smiled unwittingly seeing him. He looked so different at work – so serious and composed. Only his eyes had this warm sparkle that she adored so much.

''What are you doing here?'' Mac asked after he had hung up. ''Please tell me you haven't crashed my car.'' He teased her and she gasped, pretending to be outraged by his comment, but she couldn't hide her smile.

''Not a scratch on it.''

''Good.'' He smiled. ''So? I thought you would be glad to have a day off.''

''I am. I just... wanted to see you.'' She smiled somehow shyly. He looked at her, trying to figure out what she was up to. He would love to believe that she had woken up alone and was missing him. Somehow it was too beautiful to be true and he started to think of another reason. He frowned his eyebrows. It was more likely that she had woken up and got scared that he wasn't there with her. But why? He wondered. Suddenly it hit him.

''You heard what I said last night, didn't you?'' He asked.

''I... I did.'' She nodded.

''Mhm.'' He said simply, turning his gaze away.

''Mac...'' She started, but he cut her off.

''You stayed silent, Jo. You didn't say... anything. You pretended to be asleep.''

''I know. I'm sorry...''

''You didn't want me to say it.'' It was more a statement, than a question.

''It's not like that.'' She denied. ''I pretended to be asleep, because... I was afraid that I couldn't say it back.'' She admitted, closing her eyes, not wanting to see the sadness and disappointment in his.

''Because you don't feel about me the way I feel about you.'' He stated clearly. She was about to protest, tell him it wasn't like that at all. It wasn't about not feeling what he felt, it was more about admitting it. She was just taking her breath to say it. But then there was this cruel whisper in her head. It was saying there wouldn't be a way back after she say those words to him. It would make her vulnerable and weak, because he would know she's his, he would be sure about it. And he would use it against her, for his own benefit. He would subordinate her to himself, making her depending on him and then sooner or later, he would hurt her. Her heart started to tremble, like it was trying to protest, to remind her that wasn't true, that he would never do that. But her mind was screaming louder, saying that love was always a zero-sum game, someone had to be hurt. It was either her or him.

And that was it. She wanted to speak, but the words stuck in her throat. She looked up at him, her eyes shiny with tears. Her heart was pounding hard, like it wanted to break out from her chest. With every beat it seemed to repeat that she had to tell him. But her mind was holding her back.

''You know, you don't have to say anything.'' Mac blurt out, hurt evident in his voice. ''I don't know what for you've even came here.'' He added, looking at her.

She was dying inside, her world was falling apart, everything was shattering into million pieces. And she was just standing there, paralyzed, unable to speak, unable to move. She barely registered his mobile phone ringing.

''I have to take that.'' He murmured, heading for the door. ''Go home, Jo.'' He said over his shoulder and then he left, leaving her alone.

. . .

She didn't know how she managed to get down from his office to the parking and to his car. She felt like she was dreaming. _Is this en end? Is he going to leave me now?_ Gloomy thoughts filled her mind and she started to feel so bad it made her sick to her stomach. _Why? Why, damn it! I wanted to make it good so much and yet I ruined it. How is this possible?_ It was like looking at herself in curved mirror. She knew what she felt and yet somehow she acted completely against it. She wished he could just read her heart, seeing her love just how it was, without it being deformed by her fear.

She squeezed her eyelids tight. She didn't want to cry. Not here, not in his car. _His car..._ She thought. She wanted to get out of it and just walk to her place, but she had to do something with his keys, give them back to him. She thought about Don. She could drive to the precinct, find Don and give them to him, asking him to give them back to Mac.

After a few minutes she parked the car on the street and she got out. She entered the precinct and looked around, trying to find Don. It was unusually empty in there, only a few cops hanging around, having nothing much to do. Suddenly she heard some raised voices from the corridor and she headed towards them. Slowly she moved to the corner. She peek out, seeing a guy, standing in the middle of the corridor, holding a rifle, ready to shoot. Not so far away from him Don was standing, his hands up in the air. Her hand moved instinctively to her side, trying to grab a gun that wasn't there. She cursed. She left it at home, as she didn't think she was actually going to work. She just wanted to see Mac.

''Don't move, or I will shoot him!'' Guy yelled.

''It's OK, don't do anything stupid.'' Don answered.

She turned her head, wanting to know at who he was aiming. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Mac. His hands were up in the air as well. Mac slowly turned his gaze to her, shaking his head almost imperceptibly, silently telling her not to move, not to bring attention of the attacker to her. At her current position he was unable to see her. Mac lowered his one hand very slowly, trying to reach for his gun. But somehow the guy noticed it.

''I said don't move or I will shoot you!'' He yelled again. ''Are you deaf?''

But Mac didn't stop. Jo could hear the sound of the rifle being reloaded and then saw how Mac's expression changed – he tensed and his eyes winded. She gasped, knowing what that meant.

It was only a second, but it seemed like forever to her. Hundreds of images and sensations floated through her mind at once. She saw him looking at her for the very first time, his warm smile when he was looking at Ellie. She felt his gentle touch, his comforting embrace. His warmth that her body was willingly absorbing when she drifted asleep in his arms. She heard his masculine, low voice whispering sweet words into her ear. She felt his whole body caressing hers when they were making love. And then she felt tearing pain as she realized that from this very moment it all could turn into memories. No! Her heart, her mind, her whole existence protested. No! It couldn't end like that. There was so much she needed to tell him. He had to know she loved him. Loved him? What did it even mean? She couldn't tell him that, she was such a coward. And now she was going to watch him get killed, she was going to watch him die. No!

Every single cell of her body snapped, forcing her into action. Her mind was screaming. She couldn't lose him. She didn't think what she was doing, as she jumped out from her safe place and cut the distance between them. She pulled him close, facing him and throwing her arms around his neck, holding on to him for dear life. His life. She didn't see a surprised look on the shooter's face as she was turned back to him but she did heard a loud gunshot.

Mac tried to pull her away or turn them around but he was unable to, as she was holding him with such a great strength it made him wonder where it came from. He felt Jo's fingers gripping his jacket tightly and her body pressed into his even more. He heard her sharp intake of breath and felt a sting in his chest. Above Jo's shoulder he saw that Don managed to incapacitate the shooter, after the rifle recoiled and hit him in a jaw.

''Jo.'' Mac said, trying to pull her away a little, but suddenly he felt that her body tensed and became somehow heavy. He supported her, thinking she would fall down if he let go of her and he tried to look at her to figure out what was happening. His chest started to burn even more and he stepped back, putting his hand on this spot, finding himself bleeding a little. Then he looked at Jo and his heart stopped. She was pale, her eyes wide open. At the front of her white top he was able to see a bloody stain which was growing bigger and bigger with every second. It was just like his darkest nightmare coming true. _How is it possible? Her front was pressed to me as he fired. _He thought, instinctively bringing his hand to her back. He felt her bleeding there and it hit him. It was through-and-through and a bullet that entered her from the back was now in his own chest. He felt Jo falling down and he held her, gently lowering her to the ground.

''Don! Jo got hit! Call 911!'' He yelled. He saw her closing her eyes. ''Jo. Stay with me.'' He put his hand on her exit wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

''Mac... You OK?'' She asked and he felt his eyes getting moist. She was lying on the floor, bleeding out and she was asking if he was OK. He could still feel the sting in his chest, but it was nothing. He saw her closing her eyes slowly.

''Jo. Jo...'' She opened her eyes again and he could see tears in them.

''Mac... I'm sorry.''

''Shhh. Don't say anything.'' He was looking directly into her eyes, trying to make a connection and not wanting her to slip into unconsciousness. Her eyes were shiny, her pupils dilated as he could feel her heart beating rapidly beneath his hand. Then he saw her eyes widened in fear.

''Mac... Ellie... You have to take care of her...'' He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself down.

''Jo, you're gonna be fine. It's not bad.'' He tried to convince himself more than her. He had no idea how bad it was. The bullet exited below her left collarbone. There was a possibility it missed her vital organs, but still it was very nasty gunshot wound.

''It hurts...'' She whimpered, fighting for a breath.

''I know, baby.'' He whispered gently. She gasped then let out a shaky breath. ''Jo, breathe. Just breathe, OK?'' He tried to calm her down. ''You're gonna be fine.'' He repeated, placing his other hand on her head, stroking her hair. Her heart was pounding wildly, with every beat more and more of her blood seeped through his fingers. He felt her shivering and he panicked, thinking she was having some seizure.

''I'm cold.'' She whispered. He wanted to pull her in his arms and warmed her up with the heat of his own body, but he didn't want to move her, scared that he could cause more damage. She closed her eyes slowly.

''Jo, don't leave me.'' He begged. ''Please don't leave me.'' He saw her opening her eyes once more. One single tear rolled down her cheek.

''I'm sorry. I can't...'' She closed her eyes again and became silent.

''Jo. Jo!'' She didn't react and he felt himself being pulled away by paramedics.

. . .

Mac was pacing from wall to wall like a lion in a cage. He couldn't believe what had happened. Did she really cover him with her own body? Was she really struggling for her life right now because of him? It could be one of his nightmares and he hoped he would wake up any minute and find her sleeping peacefully in his arms. But it was real. And he had never felt so hopeless in his life.

Don's voice torn into his thoughts:

''Mac, sit down. You're injured, too.''

''It's nothing.'' He muttered. He saw Sheldon running along the corridor.

''What happened?'' He panted reaching them.

''There was some maniac at the precinct. He couldn't bear that his son got arrested for killing his girlfriend. He went to his car and came back with a rifle.'' Don started to explain.

''Jo got shot.'' Mac said quietly.

''Oh, my God.'' Sheldon whispered in horror. ''How is she?''

''We don't know. They won't tell me anything. I'm not her relative.'' Mac groaned.

''OK, stay here, I'll try to find out.'' Then he looked down at Mac's chest. ''Mac, you're injured, too?'' He asked, seeing small stain of blood on his chest.

''It was through-and-through.'' He explained. ''It's nothing.''

''I call a doctor to check on you.'' Sheldon said and disappeared behind the corner. Soon some young, female doctor came and asked Mac to follow her. She checked on his wound and removed the bullet, which was placed shallow in his chest. She cleaned his wound and put some dressing on it. He need only a few stitches, as bullet caused almost no damage, only tore his skin and some tissue. But he knew that if it had gone any deeper it would have been fatal for him, going directly into his heart. He returned to the corridor, sitting on the chair and placing his head on his hands. She actually did save his life. Risking her own. He should have pulled her down or at least turn them around and got hit himself. But he did nothing. And now she could be... gone. He felt his eyes stung at the thought. She had to be OK, if not, he wouldn't be able to life with the awareness she sacrificed her life for him. And he wouldn't be able to life without her.

He heard some footsteps and looked up. It was Sheldon.

''Mac, she's in surgery right now.'' He said quietly, trying to be calm, but his voice was slightly shaking. ''She had a cardiac arrest on their way to hospital, they had to resuscitate her. But they managed to bring the rhythm back to normal.''

''Is she gonna be OK?'' Mac asked, his voice harsh with emotions.

''They still don't know what injuries she has. She lost a lot of blood.''

''Yeah.'' Mac shivered at the memory of her warm blood soaking his fingers.

''But you know... she's a fighter.''

''Yeah, she is.'' Mac nodded.

. . .

He didn't know how much time had passed. He closed his eyes only for a minute and it seemed he dozed off. It was the sound of a door being open that startled him and woke him up. He jumped to his feet, seeing a surgeon approaching him.

''How is she?'' He asked nervously. ''Is she going to be fine?''

A man looked at him, his eyes very serious and somehow sad.

''We did everything in our power, but we couldn't stop the bleeding...'' He started.

''No...'' Mac whispered. He felt like everything that was good suddenly disappeared from the world. He couldn't breathe, couldn't feel anything except only tearing pain in his chest, like someone was ripping out his heart. He heard the doctor saying something, but he couldn't understand his words. ''No, it can't be truth, she can't be dead.'' He grabbed the doctor's apron, clenching his fists on the fabric. ''Tell me, she's fine!'' He yelled.

''I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.'' The doctor repeated over and over again.

''No... No!'' He screamed again. He felt someone pulling him away and shaking him.

''Mac... Mac!'' He heard Don's voice and suddenly the doctor disappeared and he opened his eyes, finding himself sitting on the chair. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

''What?'' He asked, his voice shaking as he could still feel this great dread. _Oh God, it was just a dream._ He thought with huge relief. ''Why does it take so long...'' He groaned, bringing hands to his face.

''Mac, she's gonna be fine.'' Don said, trying to sound convincing.

''I hope so, Don. Otherwise, I can even imagine...'' His voice broke and he couldn't finish. Don studied him for a moment. He had never seen him like that. Of course, he remembered Mac getting pretty emotional once or twice before, when someone of the team got injured. But this was somehow different. He wasn't just shaken up, he was devastated. Don thought about him and Jo, realizing it was so much more then just the lab rumor.

''You love her, don't you?'' He asked without even thinking.

''Yes.'' Mac simply answered. Don wanted to say something more, but some thin voice calling Mac's name caught his attention. He looked down the corridor, seeing Jo's daughter, Ellie, running like crazy towards them. Mac stood up and caught her in his arms.

''Mac... mom... is she...'' She tried to speak, but she was out of breath because of running and she was sobbing which made it even more difficult.

''Hey, sweetie...'' Mac said, placing his hands on her shoulder. ''Breath, OK?'' He said, trying to calm her down. She nodded, taking a few deep breaths.

''What happened?'' She asked. ''They didn't want to tell me anything.''

''Your mom got shot.''

''Is she gonna be okay?'' Ellie asked, looking at Mac with her big brown eyes, tears running down her cheeks. He took a breath and was just about to tell her, that everything would be fine, that her mother would be OK. But he just couldn't.

''I don't know, Ellie.'' He said honestly, pulling her closer and feeling her little frame shaking.

. . .

**A/N: So here comes some drama in between the fluff and the smut. I really hope you didn't get too upset with that...**

**Thanks for everyone who decided to stick with this story for so long and for those who left some review - thank you even more!**

**And biiiig hug for NYPD8433, which correct all my mistakes in this chapter in a flash! You rock! :)  
**

**Oh, and one more thing - I have no idea, if it's possible for a bullet to be through-and-through and end up in another person's body quite shallowly. I tried to find out, but after days of digging through Internet and my textbook of criminal science all I got was: everything is possible if it comes to ballistic and no two shootings are the same. So I decided to go for it. But if some of you know something more about it, please let me know, I am really curious if it's possible.  
**


	17. Blinding

. . .

Mac leaned forward, placing his elbows on a bed and buried his face in his hands. He felt truly overwhelmed by the recent events. He rubbed his eyes, then straightened up again, looking at Jo. She was lying on her back, with her hands beside her body, her chest was slowly rising and falling with her deep breaths. Her head was slightly turned to the side, her dark hair spilled on the pristine white pillow. She looked so pale, so weak. Her lips were faint pink, like they were almost bloodless. She looked peaceful, almost as if she was sleeping. He even tried to convinced his mind, that she was, but it was useless. He knew that she would never sleep like that. Her usual position was completely different – something between lying on her side and her stomach, with one leg bent and the other one stretched, her both arms hugging a pillow or him. He smiled at the thought. He would give up everything to feel her sleeping by his side like that again. To see those beautiful amber eyes open reluctantly in the morning, to see her soft smile when she looked at him.

Some strange sound brought him out from his thoughts. He looked at Ellie, who was sleeping in the armchair, murmuring something in her sleep. She was curled up, her cheek placed on the armrest. She had been crying almost permanently until she had just fallen asleep from exhaustion. Mac approached her, crouching in front of the armchair. She stirred in her sleep and mumbled something again, obviously having some nightmare.

''Ellie...'' Mac whispered gently, stroking her thick curls. She opened her eyes and rose slightly, at first confused about where she was. But then she came to the reality and Mac could see as her chin instantly began to tremble. ''Hey, sweetie... don't cry.'' He begged her.

Her tiny arms wrapped around his neck and he hugged her tightly, rocking her.

''It's OK. Your mom is fine.'' He assured her.

''Why isn't she waking up?'' Ellie managed to utter between sobs.

''The surgery was long and the doctors had to give her a lot of medication to make her sleep. She will be waking up soon.'' He explained and she loosened up her grip on him, looking up at him. The tears were still rolling down her cheeks, but he could see she slowly began to calm down.

''You promise?''

''Yes.'' He said and she finally let go of him. She looked up again at him, wiping away her tears with a sleeve of her jumper.

''Here, take this.'' Mac said, pulling a tissue out from his pocket and handing it to her.

''Thanks.'' She said and he looked at her and smiled. ''It's good you're here.'' She added. Then she stood up and came closer to Jo's bed, leaning over.

''Mom...'' She whispered. ''Please, wake up.''

. . .

She felt so heavy, her body so limp. She tried to move, but she was unable. She could hear someone calling her name. The voice was so clear and beautiful, it sounded almost unreal. With a great effort she opened her eyes and looked around but she was surrounded by total darkness.

''Jo...'' The voice repeated her name and she heard it echoing in her ears. It was so gentle, so soothing. She wanted to follow it. She managed to move her legs and she made a few steps.

''Jo...'' It was more quiet this time, like it was coming from a distance. She moved faster, not wanting it to fade away completely.

''Come with me, Jo.'' The voice called her again and she complied. The darkness started to diminish as she moved forward and suddenly she had to squeeze her eyelids shut, blinded by the glare. She opened her eyes slowly again and found herself standing on the edge of the dark forest, looking at a glade in front of her. It was sunny and peaceful. The only things she could hear was the murmur of a brook and the rustle of leaves. The grass had the most fresh green color she had ever seen. She was mesmerized by the sight. It was so beautiful it took her breath away. She wanted to lie down on the grass and let the sun beams caress her skin. And stay there forever.

''One more step, Jo.'' She heard the voice again, so close to her.

She stretched her arm, pulling it from the shadow, letting the light fall on her fingers. She looked at her hand, relishing into wonderful feeling which traveled from her fingertips up her hand and her arm, to her chest and then to every part of her body. It was so blissful. It felt like coming home after a very long journey.

''What is this place?'' She whispered, although she already knew.

''It's your heaven...''

She stretched her arm further and the feeling increased. All pain, all fear was being washed away. All she wanted was to make one step and bathe herself in this light. Never being hurt, worry or afraid again. She looked up in the sky. It was so bright, clear and blue. This shade of blue... it reminded her of... his eyes.

''Will he be here with me?'' She whispered.

''No... he's not here.'' The voice responded and she could hear sadness in it. She pulled her hand back.

''Then it's not heaven.'' She said and turned around, heading back into the darkness. She felt some tearing pain again, she felt so very tired. Some sharp branches were lashing her body over and over again, but she just kept going. She stumbled once, then again, finally she fell down. She wanted to get up, but she couldn't. The ground was cold and she shivered. Her heart was pounding loudly, she could hear it in her ears. She felt so lost, so heartbroken. She was just about to start crying when she heard some other heartbeat close to her. It was like an echo of the sound of her own heart, loud and clear. She held her breath and she looked around, but she couldn't see anything, it was too dark. And then she felt someone taking her by the hand.

. . .

Jo opened her eyes slowly and closed them almost immediately. _God, why is it so bright here?_ She tried again, looking around. _White walls, bright light and that smell. _She moaned. _I'm in a freaking hospital._ She felt someone touching her hand and she turned her head.

''Hey there.'' She looked directly into Mac's eyes, which were full of worry and relief at the same time.

''Hi.'' She answered, her voice husky. She tried to sit up, but pain shot through her chest, making her yelp.

''Hey, easy there.'' Mac warned her, gently easing her back down.

''What happened?'' She asked.

''You got shot.'' He swallowed hard. ''You covered me and took the bullet that was meant for me.''

''And you're fine?'' She asked, making his heart ache. Again she was thinking about him, instead of herself.

''Yes, I am. Because of you.''

''How long I've been out?''

''Almost fourteen hours. You had a surgery. It was through-and-through. They said you were extremely lucky. Bullet shattered your shoulder blade, grazed your subclavian artery and punctured your lung. They had some troubles trying to stop the bleeding and they feared your lung would collapse.'' Mac's voice trembled and he closed his eyes, trying to push down his emotions. ''I will get Ellie.'' He said.

''She's here?'' Jo asked surprised.

''Yes, we were here the whole time. I've told her to grab something to eat as it was possible to hear her stomach rumbling from the corridor.'' He said, making Jo smile.

''Thanks for taking care of her.'' She said warmly. He swallowed hard, remembering how she had asked him about it lying on the floor and bleeding out.

''God, you scared me so much.'' He whispered. ''I was afraid I had lost you.''

''Mac.'' She whispered back, bringing her hand to his cheek. ''It's OK. I'm fine.'' He turned his head, kissing the inside of her hand.

''Why did you do that? Why did you jump in front of me?''

She looked at him, her eyes widened as she remembered her thoughts just before the shooting.

''I... I thought he's gonna shoot you. I wasn't really thinking.'' She turned her gaze away.

''You saved my life.'' He said with a shaky voice. ''You can't possibly imagine that I could live, knowing that you... sacrificed your life to safe mine.''

''Well, I just had to do something. I couldn't let him kill you.'' She said and he shook his head.

''You shouldn't do that.'' He repeated.

''Sorry for making it so hard to you.'' She murmured angrily.

''Jo...'' He started, but she cut him off.

''I don't want to talk about it now. I'm tired.'' She said and closed her eyes.

''I'll look for Ellie.'' He said, standing up. He looked at her one more time and then he left.

. . .

''A week? You can't be serious!'' Jo groaned.

''I said: at least a week.'' The doctor corrected her.

''I will die of boredom here...'' She complained.

''My mother always used to say that intelligent people are never bored.'' He joked, but Jo gave him a deadpan look. ''OK, I'll be checking on you every four hours. If you need something just call the nurse.'' He added and left the room.

Jo fell back on the pillow, hissing in pain at the sudden movement. She started at the ceiling. _Why my life is such a nightmare?_ She though. She felt terribly. She was in pain and she felt so lonely. She thought about Mac. He had been by her side all night, although she tried to persuade him to go home and get some proper sleep. When she had woken up in the morning he was sitting on the same chair near her bed, looking at her. He gave her pajamas, which he bought for her from the shop across the street, thinking she wouldn't be comfortable in a hospital gown. His choice made her laugh. It was baby-blue and flannel, with small teddy bears printed all over it. He helped her change into it and she thought it was perfect, as it felt really soft and cozy. But then he got called to a crime scene so he had to leave. He managed to convince Ellie to go home and get some sleep, so he took her with him, dropping her off home on his way.

Jo thought that maybe it was better that he wasn't with her. She couldn't really talk to him. When she had seen him after she had woken up, the very first thing she had wanted to say to him, was how much she loved him and how she was happy that he was fine. But he was so angry at her, like he was blaming her of what she had done. She didn't know why he couldn't understand she hadn't had any choice, she couldn't lose him. She closed her eyes, feeling one single tear rolling down her cheek. Suddenly she opened her eyes, hearing some clamor outside.

''...and who are you, young man, to tell me what I can and what I can't do?'' Very irritated, high pitched voice vibrated in her ears. Jo's eyes winded, when she realized who's voice it was.

''Oh, for God's sake...'' She whispered, covering her face with her hands.

''Josephine! My baby!'' The same voice said, now very close to her.

''Hi, mother.'' She murmured without even looking.

. . .

It was early evening when Mac finally finished the paper work and left the department. Without even stepping into his place he headed to the hospital, as he was dying to see Jo. He was just about to enter her room, when he saw Ellie and some elderly woman sitting next to Jo's bed.

''Seriously, you don't have to stay...'' Jo said in a weak, but slightly irritated voice and from her tone he could tell it wasn't the first time that she said it.

''I'm not asking for your opinion, Josephine.'' The lady stated firmly.

''Mom! Stop calling me that.'' Jo groaned making Mac smile, as he had never heard this funny childish tone of her voice before.

''It is your name, isn't it?''

''Ekhem... Excuse me.'' Mac said, knocking slightly.

''Mac!'' Ellie squeaked, seeing him. Jo's mother didn't say anything, only confronted him with her eyes.

''Hi, Jo.'' He said, leaning over her and placing soft kiss on her forehead. He smiled, seeing how her features changed. This small wrinkle between her eyebrows disappeared, corners of her mouth went slightly up, her eyes started to shine.

''Mac... this is my mother.'' Jo said, trying not to roll her eyes.

''Margaret Danville.'' She said, giving him a hand.

''Mac Tylor.'' He said, having strange feeling she already knew very well who he was. He couldn't help but notice how much Jo resembled her mother. She had the same pale skin and dark eyes. Only Margaret's hair were shorter and gray. She looked at him, reading him.

''Ellie, darlin', stay with your mama. I need to have a chat with Detective Tylor.'' She said, pointing with her head towards the door. Then she stood up and left the room. Mac turned and sent Jo a questioning look.

''Hang on...'' She muttered. He sighed and followed her mother. She was standing in the corridor, leaning against the windowsill.

''So, I'm not asking why my daughter was risking her life trying to protect you from getting shot, as it's pretty obvious.'' She said and Mac gave up hope that would be a pleasant chat. ''I just want to know what you're gonna do with that.''

''I'm not sure if I follow you...'' He said slowly.

''I was married for 46 years. My husband died 5 years ago and if I had a chance to give up all life I have to spend without him for only one more day with him, I would do that.'' For a moment there was this familiar softness in her eyes and Mac realized this was the gaze he saw so many times when Jo was looking at him. It was the gaze of a Danville being in love.

''I would jump into the fire for him, without any hesitation.'' Margaret continued. ''Because when I had chosen him, I made a silent promise to myself I would do everything to make him stay with me.'' She looked through the glass door, into the hospital room, where her daughter was. ''And I know she chose you. She loves you more than her life.'' Margaret said, looking directly into Mac's eyes.

Mac swallowed hard. He felt exactly the same as he had when talking to the parents of his first girlfriend before two of them went camping together – very nervous and wanting to be trusted.

''I love your daughter very much.'' He assured her.

''I know you do.'' Margaret said softly. ''I can tell from the way you look at her.'' She made a short pause. ''But love and being loved... now those are two different things. When you agree on being loved you become responsible for that person.'' She added. ''So now you have to decide if you're ready for being loved that much.'' She patted his shoulder and left him, joining her daughter and granddaughter.

And Mac stayed in the corridor, thinking about what he had been told. He had never thought about it like that. For past weeks he was struggling to bind Jo more and more to himself, to make her happy, make her feel loved. He had wanted her to admit what she was feeling for him. And she had done it, in her own way – wordlessly, but loud and clear. She said she had done it without thinking. He could believe in that – it wasn't about thinking at all. She had done it, because her heart had told her to do it. And he couldn't change how she felt about him, not after those weeks of trying to capture her heart. She actually did love him, but instead of making him happy it was scarring him now as he thought she could risk her life for him again. And not being that lucky this time. He closed his eyes trying to push down the memory of her lying unconscious on the floor in the pool of blood. It seemed that the only way to avoid it was actually being away from her. His heart started to ache at the thought. He knew he would be slowly dying, day after day without her being close. But he couldn't let this selfish desire of having her around win over the need of keeping her safe. He knew exactly what he had to do. Once more he glanced at Jo through the glass door and then he left.

. . .

After five days Jo was really fed up with being in the hospital. Ellie wanted to stay with her all the time, but Jo's mother was taking care of her and she firmly told Ellie that she couldn't do that, as her mom need a rest. Jo smirked at the thought. Yes, Margaret Danville was quite a lady. One her word was enough for Ellie to go like a clockwork. She was really bossy and opinionated. Even Mac seemed to be quite intimidated by her presence.

Jo frowned her eyebrows slightly at the though of him. She hadn't seen him for two days and it made her wonder how was he doing. She assumed he was busy at work, after all the team was missing one member, so the others had to work harder and longer. But still, she got this feeling he was somehow drifting apart. She missed him. She wanted to call him, in order to just hear his voice, but she still didn't have a phone.

A quiet knock on the door tore her from her thoughts. Jo smiled instantly seeing who was visiting her this time. It was Lindsay.

''Hi, Jo!'' She greeted her warmly, leaning over and kissing her cheek.

''Hi, Linds.''

''That's from me and Danny.'' She said, placing a small basket with fruit on the table near Jo's bed. ''And that's from Lucy.'' She added, handing Jo a big and a slightly irregular heart cut from red cardboard, with the paint prints of two small palms.

''So cute.'' Jo smiled at her. ''Thank you.

''So, it is finally my turn to visit you.'' Lindsay sighed happily, sitting on the chair next to Jo's bed.

''Turn? What do you mean?''

''Mac ordered there can be only one of us visiting you daily. Can you imagine?'' Lindsay groaned, making Jo laugh. ''But still the queue was too long, so they agreed that Messers are treated like one, so it had to be either me or Danny.'' Jo laughed again.

''Totally not fair!'' She said. ''You should object to that.''

''Yeah, we did. But still it was like two to five.'' Lindsay said, smiling at her. Then she turned more serious. ''So how are you?'' She asked.

''I'm good, really good.'' Jo assured her.

''That's great.'' Lindsay said, reading her. She was silent for a minute and then she exclaimed: ''Oh my! I've almost forgot! Mac gave me something for you.'' She said, reaching for her handbag and pulling a small box which had this specific shade of light blue one couldn't mistake for anything else. She handed it to Jo, which looked highly surprised.

''He asked you to give it to me?'' She asked.

''Yes.'' Lindsay nodded.

''Why couldn't he do it himself? He's that swamped with work?'' Jo asked, trying not to sound hurt, but she was sure Lindsay was able to catch this note in her voice.

''Actually he is, even more then usually.'' Lindsay hesitated a little. ''I guess it's because he wants to bring as much issues to a close as possible, before he takes a leave.'' She said and Jo tensed.

''What do you mean: before he takes a leave?'' She asked concerned.

''Yeah, he's planning to do it. He said he need some time to sort out some things. I don't know what kind of things, but I guess they are pretty important to him. And it seems he will be out of the department for quite a while, as he had a meeting with Sinclair yesterday.''

Jo's heart started to gallop in her chest. _He's planning to take a leave... He had to sort out some things... He had a meeting with Sinclair... _She heard Lindays's words played over and over again in her head. _Is that possible that he wants to quit his job? Or maybe Sinclair made him do that? Did Mac told him about our relationship? Did he told him he can't work with me anymore after what I had done? _Jo wondered, turning the small box in her hand.

''Are you going to check what's inside?'' Lindsay asked, looking at her.

''What?'' Jo asked, suddenly pulled out from her thoughts by her question.

''Aren't you curious what's inside?'' She asked again and Jo looked down at the box. She slowly opened it. There was a delicate, silver necklaces inside it, with a pedant hanged on the thin double chain. And there was a single violet lying next to it. Jo picked up the necklaces, looking closely at the pedant. It had the shape of the infinity sign. She closed her eyes, feeling tears threatening to fall as she remembered his words: I can't promise you 'forever'. _So this little piece of silver, if it's not a promise, then... is it a goodbye?_

. . .

**A/N Sorry it took me so long to update, but I was travelling from Poland to Latvia and then Estonia, where I'm staying nnow, at the seaside (it's so wonderful!).**

**I guess it's not exactly what you expected after the last chapter and still some things haven't be cleared up, so it's still more to come :)  
**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!  
**


	18. Shake it out

. . .

''I really don't think it was a good idea, Josephine.'' Margaret repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time. ''Did you even talk with your doctor about it?'' She asked.

''Of course I did, I had to.'' Jo sighed, thinking about the long discussion she had with the doctor over the AMA forms. ''He said two days won't really make a difference.'' She lied smoothly, feeling badly about it, but she was also aware that if she told the truth her mother would bother her endlessly.

''If you say so...'' Margaret said, but she was still watching her daughter carefully. She noticed how awkwardly Jo sat on the couch, trying not to lose her balance as her left arm was in a sling and her center of gravity was different than usually. She leaned back against the couch cushions with a sigh, which quickly turned into a yelp, as pain shot through her shoulder from the sudden movement.

''Josephine, darlin'... You really should be more careful.'' Margaret said and despite that Jo's eyes were shinny with tears, she send her an angry glare. ''Where are your medications?'' She asked.

''In the bag, where else?'' Jo groaned. Her mother glanced at her. She knew her daughter very well - the only time when she was cranky like that was when she was angry or in pain. Or both. She went to the kitchen, to get a glass of water. Then she gave two pills to Jo.

''Vicodin and antibiotic. You should take them every 6 hours.''

''Thanks.'' Jo murmured and swallowed the pills. Then she gave a glass back to her mother and carefully leaned back against the couch, closing her eyes and waiting for the pain to subside.

''I think you should change into something comfortable and lay down then.'' Margaret ordered. Jo rubbed her temple, feeling the huge headache approaching. ''I'll send Ellie to the grocery store round the corner and then I will make you a tomato soup.'' Her mother added.

''Mom...'' Jo tried to stop her, but it wasn't that easy. Her mother clearly felt like one in charge.

''How is it possible that you have only a jar of pickles and a bottle of ketchup in your fridge? I hope you don't feed this poor child with hamburgers and fries only...''

''Mom!'' Jo finally got her attention. ''Please, you don't have to do this.''

''But of course I have! Who else will take care of you?''

Jo groaned hearing it. She instantly regretted signing out from the hospital. At least hospital had strict visiting hours, here her mother would be tormenting her 24 hours a day. _I won't stand it._ Jo thought. _It's only 15 minutes and she's already driving me crazy. _

Suddenly some idea struck her.

''Mom, Mac will take care of me.'' She said quietly.

''He will?'' Her mother asked, slight surprise evident in her voice.

''Yes, why are you so surprised?''

''I'm not...'' Margaret denied. She was sure that after what she had told him, he would get the cold feet. _Maybe I misjudged him?_ She wondered. ''But he's always at work. You need someone to stay with you.'' She added.

''He took a leave, he will stay with me.'' Jo said, digging herself deeper in her lie.

''OK...'' Her mother reluctantly accepted this situation. ''So what are you saying? That you don't need me?''

''Actually... I would like you to take care of Ellie. You could take her with you to Virginia. I don't want her to spend summer in the city because of my... accident.''

''I agree. It's enough miserable for her to stay in this city for the rest of a year.'' Margaret said and Jo took a deep breath in order to stop herself from screaming in frustration. ''Are you sure that Mac is capable of taking a proper care of you?'' She asked. Jo smiled thinking that she didn't even have to lie while answering this question.

''He's the most caring man I've ever known. Of course he is.'' Jo said. _But he won't._ She thought, feeling tears gathering in her closed eyes. _Because he decided to disappeared from my life._

''Mom!'' Ellie yelled, running into the room. ''Tyler's calling!'' She handed Jo her phone.

''Hi, Tyler.'' Jo greeted him. ''It's nice to hear you.''

''…''

''No, honey, you don't have to come back. It's not that bad, really.''

''…''

''She did?'' Jo glanced at Ellie. ''Well, she exaggerated. It's just an harmless gunshot to the shoulder, I'm out of the hospital already, so...''

''…''

''No, really, don't change your planes. Go visit Italy as well.''

''…''

''Yes, Tyler, I'm absolutely sure.''

''…''

''I love you too, honey. Take care.'' Jo said and hung up. ''Ellie, you shouldn't tell him about me being in the hospital.'' She scolded her daughter.

''He was worried. You weren't answering your phone.''

''Well, that's not the reason for...''

''Gals, you know what?'' Margaret cut in. ''I think you should stop right there. I want to see you in your bed in 5 minutes, Josephine.'' She said, giving her daughter a stern look. ''And you, young lady, be better packing up, because I'm taking you with me to Virginia.'' She said to Ellie.

''Really?'' Ellie squeaked.

. . .

Mac closed his eyes and started to rub his eyelids, but it didn't seem to help. His eyes were sore, his neck was stiff and his head was pounding. He checked his watch. It was almost 11 pm, but he still hadn't finished. He wanted to go to the hospital, to check how Jo was doing, but it was too late for that. _She is probably sound asleep now._ Mac thought. He hadn't visited her for two days, as he had wanted to clear his mind and made a right decision. At first he had thought about disappearing from her life – quitting his job and maybe even moving to another city. He had known it would break her heart, but he had considered it as better than her loosing her life because of him. But then, as time had been passing by, he started to miss her so much it was almost physically painful. The thought that he could never see her again, never hear her voice again and never hold her again was just tearing his from the inside. So he decided that no matter how her safety was important to him, stepping out like that would be just too high price to be paid for it. So he had came up with a less painful solution.

Mac checked his watch again and for a moment he considered if he might go to the hospital only to watch Jo while she was sleeping, but he decided not to. There was only slight chance that he would be able to do that, as the hospital stuff seemed to observe the visiting hours quite strictly. He thought he would go to see her early in the morning and bring her something good for breakfast. Like those cinnamon rolls from the bakery near his place. _Yes, cinnamon rolls and some almond cappuccino._ He thought. That was the combination she had really seemed to enjoy last time they had a breakfast there. He turned off the computer and grabbed his jacked, heading out.

He groaned, thinking he still would have to come back here tomorrow, even though it would be the first day of his two weeks leave. He wanted it to be longer, but Sinclair had said that's the top and he couldn't agree on more. _But Jo is a one tough cookie._ He thought smiling. _I guess she will be back on form pretty soon. _But even so, he wouldn't mind to spend more time with her. But Sinclair was uncompromising.

Mac frowned his eyebrows thinking about this conversation. It had been nothing but pleasant. He had decided to lay his cards on the table and tell Sinclair that he was romantically involved with Jo. He had never seen Sinclair this angry. He had been truly furious, yelling at him for a good half an hour. He had threatened that he would make them both lose their jobs, but then he came to his senses and realized that in such a case there wouldn't be anybody who could run the crime lab. And as Sinclair remembered very well how much trouble it had caused for him to find someone suitable for Stella's position, he had been aware that this time he would be dealing with it for months. And as Mac had supposed, in the end Sinclair had no choice but to accept things as the were. Of course, he had set some conditions, like prohibiting them to work in the field together, which meant that during work they could be meeting only in the lab. But still, it was actually better than Mac had thought it would be. And the biggest advantage of it was that neither he, nor Jo had to look for another job. Also it made Mac sure that Jo wouldn't have any opportunity to put herself into a danger in order to protect him. And as for him protecting her, he wouldn't be able to do that directly, but he was planning on setting on her shifts in such a way there would be always Don, Danny or Sheldon with her in the field.

As he got out from the elevator and walked to his car he started to wonder if Jo liked this small gift from him that Lindsay had handed her yesterday. He wanted to do it by himself, but when he had realized that he wouldn't be able to see her, he had asked Lindsay for giving it to Jo. He wanted her to know that he was thinking about her all the time, even when he was away from her. He had bought this necklace some time ago, thinking about giving it to Jo for her birthday or without any occasion, just to make her happy. He had no idea if the choice was right. Well, he was certain that she would appreciate that it was made of silver, as she wasn't wearing any gold jewelery. But deciding on the pattern was the other thing. The amount of possibilities just made him dizzy. He had no idea what he should chose, until he saw this necklace with the infinity pedant. It was simple, delicate and yet significant. He wanted her to know that no matter what she would be in his heart forever.

He wished he could call her, only to hear her dear voice. Or even text her, to let her know that he was constantly thinking of her. But she didn't have a phone as she didn't buy a new one and her old one was still at Russ's. _Yet another thing to deal with._ Mac thought.

. . .

Jo lay on her side in the bed. She didn't know how long she had been sleeping, but from the traffic noise that she was able to hear even through the closed window she could tell it was a rush hour now. Ellie and her mother had left early in the morning, leaving her alone in the empty apartment. Her mother had insisted on waiting for Mac, but Jo had managed to convince her that he was just on his way to her place.

She realized what had woken her up. Pain. It was like someone was stubbing a knife into her shoulder with her every breath. Her whole body was sore and stiffed from laying for hours in the same position. She curled up into a ball, dragging her legs closer to her chest, her knees just below her chin. She felt like a wounded animal. She knew she should probably get up and take her pills, but she felt so listless, she didn't have a strength to move. And the pain wasn't that bad after all, as it kept her mind focused on bearing with it, not leaving any opportunity to think about something else. Or someone. She closed her eyes, feeling tears hanging on her eyelashes.

So that was exactly what she had been afraid of – admitting that she loved him and ending up with her heart broken. She felt even worse because she didn't have a choice. She couldn't let him get killed and now he was too scared to be with her. She squeezed her eyes tightly, feeling tears escaping from beneath her eyelids and rolling down her face. It was always like that, she opened herself and got hurt. For a moment she thought it would be better if nothing between her and Mac had ever happened. It had been wonderful, but now it would be even more painful for her to get used to be alone than before as she knew how happy she could be with him.

She couldn't stand those thoughts running through her head. She wanted to go to sleep, to forget about everything.

She got up and went to the kitchen in order to grab some of her pills. She turn the lights on, looking for her medications. Her mother left them right on the table with a detailed note beside. Jo took two pills of antibiotic and two of Vicodin as she hadn't taken any in the afternoon. She hesitated a little and added another pill of Vicodin and two more sleeping pills as she really wanted to sleep without feeling any pain. She swallowed handful of pills, pulled out the bottle of cold water from the fridge and drunk some. Then she threw the empty bottle into the trash and went back to her bedroom, closing a door behind her.

. . .

It was almost dark outside when Mac parked his car in front of Jo's building. He was really worried about her as he had gone to the hospital in the morning and hadn't found her there. He had talked to the doctor who reluctantly had told him that Jo had signed out herself against medical advice. Mac had wanted to go to her place straight away after founding that out, but unfortunately he had been called to the crime scene. But now he finished his work there and was just going to see her and try to convince her to go back to the hospital as it was too dangerous for her not to be under medical care. He looked up at her windows and saw a light in the kitchen. He used his key to her place to open the front door of the building and then, not even bothering to wait for the elevator, he run up the stairs, three steps at time. He knocked, but there was no answer. He tired again, louder this time, but still - nothing. He decided to use his key and he unlocked two locks in her door. He wanted to open them, but he was unable as it was also chained. That meant she was definitely home.

''Jo! It's me, Mac.'' He yelled, waiting for some response, but he got none. ''Come on, Jo! Open the door!'' He asked again and again he didn't got any answer. He tried to reach inside and unchained the door, but there wasn't enough space to do that. He cursed, thinking that she was probably angry at him for that he hadn't visit her for three days and she didn't want to see him, chaining the door in order to prevent him from getting inside.

''Jo! I need to talk to you!'' He tried again, but he could hear only silence in response. He didn't know how long he had been waiting at her door, but after a while he decided to go downstairs. He closed the door and went to his car. He sat in it, looking at her window and hoping she would look out through it and saw that he was just in front of her building.

. . .

In the early hours of the morning, after struggling with heavy and hunting nightmares the whole night, Jo had the most beautiful dream ever. She was cuddled into Mac's arms and he was gently caressing her, just like he used to do. She brushed her lips against his and he started to kiss her deeply. The feeling was so good she closed her eyes. She felt loved again. And he was with her, he didn't leave her, he was right there. Suddenly he broke the kiss and she opened her eyes in surprise.

He wasn't there anymore – she was lying in her bed, alone.

She let out a frustrated sigh, being disappointed it was only a dream. She rolled over to her back and cursed, feeling a shot of pain going through her shoulder.

''Shit!'' She cried out in frustration. She couldn't bear the pain, both emotional and physical. It was too much. She would like not to feel anything. Not now, not ever again.

She managed to get up and went to the kitchen to take some more pills, making herself drugged again. She turned off the light which for some strange reason was on and she opened the fridge looking for some water, but there was any. Actually there was nothing to drink. _My mother was right._ Jo thought bitterly. _I'm terrible, I can't even organize doing shopping._ She was just about to close the fridge when she noticed small bottle of tequila she had bought some time ago. She pulled it out, thinking she didn't really care if it would be good or not to drink it with her pills. Again she took two sleeping pills and two antibiotics. Then she grabbed the bottle with Vicodin, opened it and poured several pills into her hand. She took one and drunk some tequila directly from the bottle. It was strong and it was burning her throat, but she didn't care. She took another pill, swallowed it and drunk some more. She repeated it a few times more and poured some more pills into her hand. She stared at them, thinking. It would be so easy not to feel anything, not to be in pain anymore. She would be alone for at least one or two days, which would make enough time for her not to be rescued by anyone. But then she thought about Ellie and Tyler. About her mother. Even about Mac. Leaving them with their pain in order to escape from her own one would be just selfish. It was like a cruel joke of the fate – being loved too much, but still not enough.

She angrily threw the pills she was holding in her hand against the wall. They flew in different directions and they bounced across the floor. Then she grabbed the bottle with the rest and threw it across the room as well. She wanted to smash something more in order to release this pain and anger she was feeling, but suddenly she felt dizzy. She started to walk towards the bedroom as she thought it would be a good idea to lie down, but she managed to reach the living room and her vision started to get blurry. She placed a hand on the wall to steady herself but the wall started to spin as well as the whole room and she felt herself sinking down to the floor.

. . .

Mac woke up with a terrible pain in his neck after spending a night in his car. He got out from the car, stretching himself and looked at Jo's windows. The light was turned off so she was definitely in there. Suddenly he felt frustrated. He was staying outside her apartment, like a dog waiting for its owner, and she didn't even want to open the door and talk to him. But he was sure she would come to him sooner or later, as she had done so many times. But that wasn't just fair. He had a feelings too and she was hurting him acting like that. He was very well aware that it was nothing but easy for her to trust him after her toxic relationship with Russ, but he was doing his best to show her she meant a world to him and still she was reluctant to believe in that.

Even thinking of Russ made him clench his fists. He got into his car and looked at his watch. The hour was nothing but decent. But he really didn't care.

. . .

''What are you doing here?'' Russ barked, after he opened the door and saw Mac standing in front of him. ''How did you manage to get here?'' He added, looking around the hall.

''I'm starting to think that you got this job in FBI because of the family connections.'' Mac teased him. ''I flashed my badge, Sherlock.''

''Get lost or I'll call the police.'' Russ said and began to close the door, but Mac stuck out _his foot_, blocking it.

''Now that's just hilarious.'' He growled. ''I would love to stay and listen to your other jokes, but I really don't have time for that.'' He added, pushing the door open.

''What do you want?'' Russ asked.

''Give me Jo's phone.''

''You're gonna be kidding me.'' Russ burst out laughing. But he stopped quickly as Mac slammed him against the wall, holding him firmly in place.

''Do I look like I'm kidding to you?'' He hissed through clenched teeth.

''OK, OK.'' Russ said. ''Calm down, pal. It's right there, on the table.''

Mac let go of him and moved to the table.

''So, how's my lovely wife doing?'' Russ asked, trying to incense Mac.

''Ex-wife.'' He corrected him, grabbing Jo's phone.

''What kind of difference does it make? You can't be with her anyway.'' He said, but Mac was already on his way out. ''She's just too messed up.'' Russ threw.

''It's not her who's messed up. It's you.'' Mac said, looking angrily at him. ''Oh, and one more thing.'' He added, stopping and turning around. Before Russ had a chance to blink Mac's fist punched him in the jaw, knocking him out. He saw stars dancing in front of his eyes and he heard a door slam as Mac left.

Mac had almost reached his car when his phone started to ring.

''Taylor.'' He answered it.

''Hi, Mac!'' He smiled hearing Ellie's voice.

''Hi, kiddo! What's up?''

''We've just arrived at grandma's house and I've been just wondering how's mom doing?''

''Errr... your mom?'' He asked stupidly, wondering why Ellie assumed that he should know how Jo was doing.

''Yeah, you're with her, right? Because that's what she told us... that you are staying with her.''

_Oh, crap._ Mac thought. _So Jo lied to her mother and Ellie and they left for Virginia, leaving her alone in her apartment._

''Yeah, sure.'' He said, as he didn't want Ellie to get nervous. She and her grandma were far away and there was nothing they could do anyway. ''I just left to do some shopping when she was still asleep. I will call you when I get back, OK?''

''Yeah... OK.'' Ellie agreed reluctantly. ''But is everything fine?'' She asked again, as she was able to sense something strangely unfamiliar in Mac's voice.

''Of course, Ellie, no worries.'' He assured her again. ''Bye!'' He said and hung up.

He run to his car and dialed Flack's number while getting into it.

''…''

''Don, where are you?''

''…''

''OK. And how fast can you be at Jo's place?''

''…''

''That's great, because I'm at the other end of the city.'' He groaned.

''…''

''Actually yes. She's been alone for two days at her place and she didn't answer when I knocked yesterday. Now I'm worried that she wasn't just angry, but that something happened to her.''

''…''

''I really don't have time to explain it to you now. Just go to her and check if she's fine, OK?''

''…''

''Thanks.''

. . .

Flack reached Jo's place in 5 minutes. He had no idea what those two were up to, but it seemed that things between them went from crazy to insane. He knocked at Jo's door, but there was no answer. He pushed the doorknob and found that it was locked. He cursed. He went to the roof and found his way down the fire escape. He remembered Jo saying that it was possible to see one of her rooms from them and he was hoping that maybe she had left the window opened. He put his palms on the glass, looking inside, but it seemed it wasn't her apartment, as he could see some kid playing with a dog in front of the TV. He moved to another window and he saw some bedroom, but it didn't look like it was Jo's as there was a bench and a barbell in the corner. But the next one looked like a Jo's living room. He looked around and froze seeing her lying near the wall. He tried to open the window but it was shut properly. He cursed and took off his jacket, wrapping it around his arm. He smashed the window, hoping she hadn't any alarm system. He pulled out sharp pieces of glass from the window frame and went through it. When he was inside he dropped the jacket and instantly knelt beside her.

''Jo...'' He said gently, putting his hand on her cheek. She moved a little and he let out a relieved breath. ''Come one, look at me.''

She opened her eyes with a great effort and blinked several times.

''Don? What are you doing here?'' She asked, but he ignored her question.

''Jo, what happened? Why are you on the floor?''

''I guess I passed out.'' She said with a weak voice.

Flack looked around and spotted some scattered pills on the floor. He reached for one and checked it.

''How many of those did you take?'' He asked.

''I don't know...'' She groaned and tried to stand up, but he didn't let her do that.

''How many, Jo?''

''Five... maybe six.'' She answered and he cursed under his breath.

''Only those...?'' He asked just to make sure, hoping she would confirm.

''No... also some sleeping pills.'' She admitted. ''And I mixed it with alcohol.''

''Perfect.'' He murmured. ''Can you stand up?''

''I think so...'' She said and he helped her to get on her feet and make it to the couch where he sat her down.

''OK, so ER or hospital?''

''What?'' She looked at him, confused. ''I'm fine.''

''ER or hospital?'' He asked again, looking at her sternly. He wasn't a doctor and he knew that mix of pills and alcohol could be really dangerous. Not to mention he didn't want to get killed by Mac if he found out that he found her like that and didn't do anything.

''Hospital...'' She groaned.

''OK, come one.'' He said, pulling her up and supporting her.

. . .

''I told you, it was nothing.'' Jo murmured as they were going back to her place.

''Passing out and lying on the floor doesn't seem like nothing to me.'' Flack said. But he was really glad that doctors said she was OK. The substance was almost out of her system by then and it seemed it didn't make any harm. And since Jo was in the hospital her doctor removed the dressing and stitches from her shoulder, saying it was healing very well, but she still shouldn't use her left arm.

''And why you even were there?'' Jo asked.

''Mac called me and asked to check on you.''

''Mac?''

''Yeah, you remember? The guy who loves you like crazy?'' Don teased, but she didn't smile.

''Stop it.'' She snapped angrily and he glared at her, surprised.

''OK. Could you tell me what's going on between you two?''

''I guess nothing... anymore.'' She said, shrugging her shoulders like she didn't care, but he could see her eyes getting glossy. ''Since he went to Sinclair and handed him a resignation, because he doesn't want to work with me any longer.''

''What are you talking about? He didn't resign.'' Flack looked at Jo surprised.

''OK, maybe not yet, but he took a leave, didn't he?''

''He did, but he wanted to spend this time with you. Take care of you and help you recover.'' Flack said and Jo looked at him, her eyes wide with surprise.

''Are you sure?''

''Positive.''

''So what for he met with Sinclair then?'' She asked.

''He told him about your relationship.''

''Oh, God, he did?'' Jo covered her eyes with a hand. ''Why did he do that?''

''He wanted to take measures to avoid... situation like that in the future.''

''And what's that mean exactly?'' She asked bitterly. ''He asked Sinclair for firing me? Or for moving me to other department? Putting me on the desk duty?''

''Jo, come on.'' Flack said softly. ''You know very well he would never do that.'' He glanced at her again, but she stayed silent. '''Sinclair said you can still work together, but not in the filed. That's the only requirement.''

Jo sighed and looked through the window. Was it possible that she got it all wrong? After all she wasn't told anything directly, she only got some hints and put them together... on her own way, which seemed to have nothing in common with reality. So he had been dealing with those things for the past days, wanting them to be fixed before she would be back for work. He didn't want her to be in a first row when it would come to confront Sinclair and the team, so he had made things right on his own. She sighed again, understanding it was yet his another way of protecting her.

It was she, who had been an idiot. Again. And since Mac hadn't wanted to come to her place, only send Flack, he had to be really angry at her. She cursed herself in her mind. He was always fair and honest with her, it was she who kept ruining it. _And now we probably are at the point where it is impossible to turn back time and make everything right._ She thought.

She turned to Flack, wanting to say something, but suddenly the song in the radio caught her attention. She knew this voice.

''What the hell...'' She murmured, reaching for the knob and increasing the volume. She started to listen to the lyrics.

_And I've been a fool and I've been blind  
I can never leave the past behind  
I can see no way, I can see no way_

''You can turn it off, if you don't like it.'' Flack said.

''No, no, it's OK.''

_Cause I am done with my graceless heart  
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart  
Cause I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn _

Jo buried her face in her hands hearing that. She knew exactly what she should do. It was her time to make a move towards him, she couldn't let him be the only one who wanted this relationship to work. But confronting him could mean the end of this wonderful dream of him as there was a possibility he would turn her down after all things she had done to him.

''Jo, are you OK?'' Flack asked concerned.

''I am. I just want to ask you for something.''

''Yeah?''

''Could you drive me to Mac's place?''

. . .

**A/N So another chapter is up pretty quickly and it's quite long as I wanted to start the next one from the certain point. I hope you like the fact that some things were made clear and now it could be only better, right? Or not? :P**

**Thanks again for reading! And if you do read, please leave the review as I really like to know what you think about this chapter and the whole story, wherever good or bad.**


	19. Between two lungs

. . .

Mac opened the door and his heart quickened its pace at the sight of her.

''What are you doing here?'' He asked coldly.

''I... I just wanted...'' Her voice was shaky as she was struggling to say what she needed. ''I have to...'' Jo looked into his deep blue orbs and suddenly felt calm and peaceful, like she immersed herself into a lake. ''I'm so sorry.'' She whispered, trying to fight the tears. ''So terribly sorry.''

All she wanted was to make this one step towards him and bury herself in his arms. She wanted to feel safe and loved again. But he didn't make the smallest move, his face expression didn't change even so slightly. A tearful sob escaped her lips as she thought she had hurt him so badly he didn't want her anymore. Her mind start to scream that she shouldn't force herself upon him, that was just pathetic. She should turn and leave. But her heart was aching for him so badly and it had no intention of listing to her mind. She moved closer to him.

''I'm sorry.'' Jo was sobbing uncontrollably, tears running down her face. ''I know I hurt you so much... so many times... I'm sorry.'' She was trying to catch her breath between sobs. ''Please forgive me... I didn't mean to.'' She looked up at him. ''I was so scared...'' She couldn't say anything more. She brought her right hand up and covered her eyes with it, her shoulders trembled violently.

Mac's eyes stayed on her all the time and he tried to remain cool. He didn't want to start this roller-coaster again. She had shattered his heart when she had pushed him away. And it hurt like hell. But looking at her standing in front of him and falling apart was hurting him even more. He felt this familiar humming in his chest, as his heart started to repeat with every beat that this was Jo. And she needed him. She always had, refusing to admit it to him and to herself. He stretched his hand and reached for her. One last time he thought he shouldn't be doing that, as she could run away from him any minute like she had done so many times before. And he knew he wouldn't survive it again. But this was Jo. His Jo. He loved her with the whole of his heart and with true love there is no other option than to give in completely and just hope you won't be hurt. Otherwise, it isn't even worth trying.

Jo felt herself being pulled into his arms. Time stood still and whole world start to spinning. Was he really holding her? Her body tense at the memory of the last time she was so close to him. Fear gripped her stomach as she remembered the feeling that was rolling through her body in that moment – this tremendous dread when she realized she could lose him forever. She heard her own voice saying out loud what she had felt in that moment:

''I love you.''

She sensed he tensed a little, like he was hesitating, trying to figure out if he heard her right. She raised her head, looking into his eyes, still sobbing a little. And she repeated: ''I love you.'' Her voice shaky with emotions. ''Please, don't leave me.'' She added quickly, tightening up her grip on his shoulders. Again broken sobs escape from between her lips. She felt huge relief feeling his arms encircling her even more, pulling her closer to him.

''Shhh.'' Mac rocked her gently in his arms, being careful not to cause any discomfort to her injured shoulder. His hand caressed her back, calming her. ''I couldn't do that.'' He whispered. She felt so light, like the heavy burden was off her chest, like she was floating above the ground. She could breath again easily. The sweet rush of joy was coming through her body. She lifted her head from his chest and looked at him. Her cheeks were still wet from the tears but her eyes were shining with happiness.

''I have no idea what I've done to deserve you.'' Jo whispered. Her hand traveled to his cheek and stayed there. She let her fingerprints caress his skin. ''You.'' She said softly, smiling at him. ''You.'' Her voice quiet and somehow fading. Her thumb grazed his lips and she repeated once more time: ''You...''

But this time it was different, her voice lower and laced with desire. It caught his attention and he looked into her eyes, which seemed almost black, her pupils dilated. Suddenly Jo felt like her blood turned into fire. She took a deep breath and licked her lips, her eyes locked with his. Mac thought he had never seen such an intense gaze, but before he had a chance to do anything Jo pressed her body against his and claimed his lips. It was anything but a gentle kiss. She attacked his mouth hungrily like a starving animal. He moaned into the kiss as he felt her pressing her tongue deep between his lips and into his mouth.

His taste made her dizzy with desire. She wanted more. Her hands was working on his shirt, unbuttoning it as fast as possible, but somewhere in the middle she got impatient and tug on it wildly, making buttons fly across the room. She moaned into his mouth as her hands made a contact with his bare chest. She let her palms stay flat for a moment, enjoying how cool his skin was in comparison to her hands, which were on fire. Her lungs begged for air and she broke the kiss. She pushed the shirt off his shoulder, making it fall to the floor.

Mac looked at her. Her lips were red and swollen, slightly open and he was able to see her nostrils moving. She looked like a black panther catching the sight of prey and he swallowed hard at the thought. She dragged her nails across his chest, teasing his nipples and making him groan. Then she looked into his eyes and gave him a saucy smile. It was the sexiest smile he had ever seen. She run his palms down and watched in satisfaction as his abdominal muscles quivered at her touch. His body was so hard and strong it made her whimper in delight. She wanted him pinning her down, crushing her soft body with his. She wanted her hands roaming hungrily across his skin, her lips sucking on his sensitive flesh. She wanted all of him.

Mac felt her hands start to work on his belt and at the same moment her lips attacked his again. The kiss was even more fierce then the last one. He was already hard as a rock, but feeling her biting his lower lip sent a new rush of blood down his body. She slipped her hand into his pants and cupped him. He broke the kiss and let out a low moan. Her small hand wrapped around him and she buried her face into crook of his neck, moaning against his skin, as she realized her fingers didn't meet. She began fondling him with care. His breath hitched and he let out another moan.

''Mmmm. You feel so good.'' She whispered. ''Hard as steel but soft as velvet at the same time.'' He jerked his hips involuntary towards her touch and he moaned her name. She pressed wet, open-mouthed kiss on his neck, savoring his skin. She let out a soft moan feeling the swirling sensation in the pit of her stomach. ''God, I want you.'' Jo whispered, tasting his skin again. Her words brought him to his senses. He could come any second now and she was still fully dressed. He placed his hand on hers and slowly removed it. Then he undressed her in record time and pinned her body slightly with his against the wall. She winced a little and he gasped.

''Your shoulder blade. I'm sorry.'' He whispered.

''I'm OK.'' She assured him. ''Just... not like that.''

''Bedroom?'' He offered, but she shook her head. She smiled and pulled him down to the floor. He lay down on his back, grabbing her hips and making her straddle him. He groaned feeling how ready she was.

''Oh, yeah.'' She whispered and pressed a hard, demanding kiss on his lips. She licked his lips and nipped the lower one. Then she lifted herself up and took him easily with one swift movement. He moaned loudly at the feeling and at the thought how willing she was to make love to him. She tossed her head and arched her back, exposing her breast to him. His hands were on her hips, but he let her take the lead. She rocked slowly, closing her eyes and finding the rhythm. Her hand traveled down her own body, between her legs and she touched herself, letting out a moan. He was drinking in the sight of her. He hoped he would have this image printed in his memory forever, as it was the most erotic thing he had ever witnessed. She was holding nothing back. He heard her gasp and then felt her inside pulsate sweetly around him, caressing his hardness. She removed her hand, but he replaced it with his. His fingertips rub her very gently as he knew she was now extremely sensitive. Jo placed her both hands flat on his chest, leaning over carefully. The change of angle made him hit just the right spot and she moaned. He rose slightly, meeting her halfway and capturing her lips with his. Her mouth was hot and soft and she was responding to his kiss with such passion it made him feel lightheaded.

''Mmmm. So good.'' She moaned between his kisses. ''Harder.'' She begged and he complied, caressing her more firmly with his fingers and deepening his trusts. He placed his other hand on her abdomen, trying to sense how close she was. It wasn't long after when he felt her muscle tightening and he could hear her whimpers.

''Oh, God. Yes. Oh, yes!'' Her eyes were shut but she was able to see a blast of light behind her eyelids. Her body clamped down hard on him, hugging him snugly, making him groan in ecstasy. She felt sudden surge of heat and a sheer pleasure raked violently through her. She couldn't stop the cry of his name that escaped from between her lips and it was a trigger of his release. She fell on his chest, her body molding softly into his. He put her arms around her, holding her close as he could feel she was trembling. Her heart was pounding like it wanted to jump out of her chest and she struggled to make her breathing even. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes until Jo sighed happily and nuzzled his neck with her nose.

''You're back with me?'' He asked tenderly and she smiled at the double meaning of this question. No matter what he was asking about the answer was only one.

''Yes.'' Jo whispered and pulled herself up a little, wanting to look at him.

''How's your shoulder?'' Mac asked concerned. He had tried very hard not to cause her any pain and keep her from doing that to herself, as he was aware she hadn't been thinking about her injury at all.

''It's OK. That was better than any painkiller. You know, endorphins.'' She smiled.

''Yeah.'' He smiled back.

''And you? Are you OK? The floor is pretty hard.''

''I was trying to take it to the bed, but you couldn't.'' Mac laughed, squeezing her waist playfully.

''I was too horny.'' She whispered, nipping at his earlobe.

''You were so absolutely sexy.'' He whispered back.

Then the reality struck her. ''God, we actually did it on the floor.'' She said surprised.

''I would say you did me on the floor.'' He said, making her moan.

''I was totally out of control. I'm...''

''Don't you even dare apologize about it!'' He interrupted her. ''It was the best sex I've ever had.'' He admitted, making her blush a little, but she said nothing. ''Hey!''

''What?''

''You?'' He rose his eyebrow at her and she laughed, knowing he was hoping to get the same statement from her.

''I think I can do better.'' Jo whispered seductively.

''Oh, we are cocky, aren't we?'' He laughed.

''You will see.'' She smiled at him. ''But... Mmm... it was indescribable.'' She said, kissing him leisurely this time, their lips caressing each other. They broke apart when the need of air became an issue. ''So... we're good?'' She whispered hopefully, looking directly into his eyes. He ran his hands over her back, stroking her skin.

''We are.'' He assured her. His fingers came across the scare on her left shoulder blade and he gently covered it with his palm. Then he lift himself up a little and kissed a big scare under her collarbone. ''Don't do that again. Ever.'' He added, his voice thick with emotions.

''I can't promise that.'' She whispered. ''I couldn't bear the thought of losing you. I'd rather... die myself first.'' She added, suddenly feeling the tears circling her eyelids.

''Don't even say that.'' He pleased, pulling her to his chest. She drew in a shaky breath, trying to push down the emotions.

''I think we should move.'' She said after a short while.

''Yeah.''

They moved to the bedroom and sank under the sheets. Jo lay on her back, placing her palms flat on her abdomen and closing her eyes. He was on his side, resting on his elbow and watching her. She had never looked so beautiful to him like in this very moment. Her skin flushed, lips swollen, hair tussled.

At some point she whimpered barely audibly, but he was able to catch it.

''Jo?'' He asked slightly concerned. She looked at him, seeing his eyes fixed on her face.

''It's just some cramping. No worries.'' She said, clenching hands to her abdomen. ''It was just... pretty intense.''

''Yeah, I could tell.'' He whispered, making her blush as she thought he had felt very well how hard she had came. ''I didn't cause you any pain, did I?''

''No.'' She whispered back, smiling warmly at him. ''It was pure pleasure. I guess my body just can't bear with it and now it's complaining a little.'' She added trying to make him stop worrying, but then she gasped and winced again. He moved the sheet away, placing his palms beneath her hands.

''I guess your body has the same opinion as I have – that it was created to make love to it slowly... gently... and with care.'' He said while softly massaging her tight muscles. ''Does it help?''

''Yes... it feels so good.'' Jo answered back, closing her eyes again. He slowly moved himself down the bed and placed a light kiss on her abdomen.

''Next time I'll take my time with you.'' He said, his lips skimming over her skin, making her sigh. ''I'll caress you for hours... until you'll be writhing under me, moaning my name.'' He whispered in a low voice.

''Mmmm... Mac.'' Jo whispered breathlessly, the shiver going through her body letting him know what effect his words had on her. ''Come here.'' She said, pulling him gently up. She brought her lips to his, kissing him deeply. Then she snuggled up against him.

He smiled. It felt so good. After days of missing her, feeling her so close to him was heaven. He placed his head on her right shoulder, under her chin, looking up at her to check if she was comfortable with him like that. She smiled at him, bringing her arms around him, holding him in place. He sighed, breathing in her scent. Her steady heartbeat was lulling him to sleep. Her fingers were tangled in his hair, gently caressing. And he started to drift away.

. . .

Jo woke up feeling cozy and warm. She smiled feeling that her naked body was covered with soft blanket. Mac had to covered her with it in the night, just as he had done during their first night together. She rolled over, reaching for his warm body, but the other side of the bed was empty. She opened her eyes, seeing he wasn't there. The uneasiness started to come over her, but it was soon gone as she sensed the sheets were still warm. She jumped out of bed, wanting to find him as soon as possible. She went across the living room, picked up her white lacy boy shorts and put it on. Then she headed to the kitchen. She smiled at the sight she saw in there. Mac was standing in front of the cooker, making a breakfast. He was wearing only his long pajama pants, which were hanging deliciously low on his hips. She sneaked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

''Hello.'' He smiled at the feeling of her pressed so intimately to his back.

''Hi.'' She answered, her voice still laced with sleep. She kissed his back and sighed happily.

The CD player was playing some song. It was quiet, but Jo managed to recognize it, as it was a song from Ellie's favorite CD. She even remembered the lyrics.

_Now all the days of begging_  
_The days of theft_  
_No more gasping for a breath_  
_The air has filled me head-to-toe_  
_And I can see the ground far below_  
_I have this breath and I hold it tight_  
_And I keep it in my chest with all my might_  
_I pray to God this breath will last_  
_As it pushes past my lips as I gasp_

Her hands wandered aimlessly across his chest and he wanted to turn around and return a favor. She sensed his intentions and said quickly: ''Don't turn around. I want to tell you something first.'' He tensed a little, waiting impatiently for her words. She moved closer to his ear and whispered: ''I love you. So very, very much.'' He smiled widely and turned around in her embrace.

''As much as I love you.'' He said looking into her eyes, but his gaze soon dropped down. He groaned seeing she was almost naked. He traced her shoulders and then collarbones with his hands. Then he moved his fingers over her ribcage, down to her hips. He frowned slightly, something clearly on his mind. Jo titled her head, giving him a questioning look.

''You're so slim. So tiny.'' He murmured, his voice somehow sad and full of worry. ''Have you lost some weight?''

''I guess I have.'' She sighed.

''How much?''

''I don't know. 10, maybe 15 pounds?'' She looked at him, seeing concern in his eyes. ''It's not big deal. You know what they say: a woman can never be too rich or too thin.'' She smiled at him, but he remained serious.

''I have nothing against you being rich, but I loved your slight curves.'' Mac admitted. ''I have to take care of you.''

''Please, do.'' Jo agreed, smiling at him.

''Maybe you should...'' He started, but then stopped. He would love to be near her all the time, wake up and fall asleep at her side. But last time he had asked her if she would move in with him, she had got scared and started to back away. He didn't want that. ''Never mind.''

''Yes.'' She said and he raised his eyebrow at her.

''Yes what?''

''Whatever you wanted to ask me.'' She laughed.

''I wanted to ask you to move in here with Ellie.'' He admitted, suspecting to see her getting nervous and pulling away. But instead of that she looked into his eyes and smiled.

''OK.''

''Are you sure?''

''Yes.'' She assured him. ''I want to be with you.'' She stated clearly. ''I can finally admit it without being scared that I'll end up being hurt.''

''I would never hurt you, Jo.'' He said honestly.

''I know. I trust you. It was my irrational fear.'' She smiled warmly. ''And I really want to live with you.'' She felt his hands under her buttocks and he lifted her from the ground, into his arms.

''Mac!'' She squealed in surprise and wrapped her hands around his neck for support.. ''Put me down.''

''I'm so happy. You make me so very happy.'' He said and she moved her hands from his neck to the sides of his face. She lowered her lips to his and started to kiss him.

''Jo. My Jo. Mine.'' He added between kisses, feeling her smile against his lips.

. . .

**A/N So seems like they managed to find a way to each other ;)**

**Many thanks to Christine (NYPD8433) who beta-read this chapter - you're a real life saver, you know that, right? :)**

**And many thanks for those who read and reviewed - it's so nice to receive such amount of kind words!**


	20. Epilogue

. . .

Mac entered his apartment and closed the door behind him. It was so quiet, but it was this peaceful, calm silence that he loved, not this one that used to rang in his ear, constantly reminding him that he was all alone. Jo's coat was placed on the chair so he grabbed it and hung in the closet, almost stumbling over her purse, that was laying on the floor beside the couch. He headed for the bedroom, but heard some music from one of the rooms. The door was ajar, so he peeked in there, seeing Ellie sitting at her desk, doing her homework.

''Hi, sweetie.'' Mac greeted her and moved towards her, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

''Hi, dad.'' She answered and he couldn't help but smile widely. He should get used to her saying that, but yet he couldn't. Every single time it made him so happy. She started to call him 'dad' a few months back, without asking if she could, without making a big deal about it. She just felt like calling him that, like it was the most natural thing to do for her. Sometimes she still used his name, but it wasn't that often as her calling him 'dad'.

''What are you doing?'' He asked, looking down at her notes.

''Physics.'' She looked up at him and wrinkled her nose.

''Need some help with that?''

''Nah, thanks. It's easy, only sooo boring...'' Ellie moaned, making Mac smile. She was now in high school and she was pretty good at everything, but she seemed to enjoy art more than science.

''Where's mom?'' He asked.

''She's sleeping, I guess.''

''Has she eaten something?'' Mac asked.

''Nope.'' Ellie answered and Mac frowned. He knew Jo was tired. She had a morning shift, that turned into an afternoon one and she was 16 hours on her feet without a break when he finally managed to send her home 3 hours ago. He made a mental note to get up earlier tomorrow and prepare some hearty breakfast, as he knew her first words in the morning would be about being starving.

''Don't stay too long, Ellie.'' He said, smiling at her. He headed for the bedroom, slowly opening the door, as he didn't want to wake Jo up. But the bed was made as they had left it in the morning. He glanced at two bedside tables, which were placed at each side of the bed. One was almost empty; there was only a clock and a lamp on it. While the other was covered with such amount of things one could not guess there was a bedside table beneath it at all. There was a jewelery box, piles of books and papers, a mug with pens and pencils sticking out of it, some jar with body lotion and a bottle of nail polish and who would know what else. As always, when he looked at those two bedside tables, he wondered, how it was possible for them to be together, as they were so different from each other. Her femininity, her messiness, her rashness, her charm... just everything of her was so different from what he was used to. And it brought so much life to his existence. She was like a storm and he was her safe port. And that was just perfect, because who needs a safe port when the sea is calm?

He looked around and found Jo sleeping in the armchair. She was curled up into what seemed like the most uncomfortable position ever. He moved closer to her, placing his hand on her cheek and gently stroking her.

''Jo... honey...'' He whispered. She opened her eyes, her gaze hazy and unfocused.

''Hi.'' She whispered back, smiling at him.

''Why are you sleeping here?'' He asked.

''I wanted to wait for you. It is so uncomfortable here I thought I wouldn't fall asleep.''

He placed his one arm beneath her legs and the other on her back, slowly lifting her up and moving to the bed. He lowered her down and she instantly curled herself into her usual position. He undressed himself, leaving only his boxers on and lay down beside her, pulling covers over them and wrapping his arms around her.

''I don't want to sleep.'' Jo groaned, trying to keep her eyes open, but her eyelids were so heavy.

''Jo, you're tired.''

''I missed you.'' She whispered, snuggling closer to him, seeking his warmth. ''I wanted to wait for you and spend some time with you.'' She murmured slowly, her voice fading away as she was fighting her sleep.

''I'm not going anywhere.'' He whispered, drawing lazy circles on her bare shoulder.

''Will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?''

''Of course.''

''And the day after tomorrow?'' She asked again, her voice sinking to a sleepy murmur.

''As well.''

''And...''

''I'll always be here.'' He whispered, his eyes dropping to the infinity necklace he had given her some time ago. She still was in a habit of wearing many pieces of jewelery at once, but this one seemed to be her favorite as she never took it off. ''Now sleep, silly.'' He whispered, kissing her temple.

Jo's body became heavy and all her thoughts starting to fade away, except of one, the only one that stayed and filled her mind completely.

''I love you.'' She whispered, expressing that thought out loud. And with a soft sigh she drifted away into sleep.

''I love you, too.'' Mac whispered back, but she didn't register his words. It didn't matter, though, as she knew he did.

. . .

The End

**A/N So, that's it :)**

**I really hope you enjoyed the whole story and the particular chapters. Thanks a lot for kind words posted as a reviews! I love ya all!**


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